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John Lyon

@johnlyon.bsky.social

2.9K followers 660 following 270 posts

Opinions expressed here are not the opinions of my employer. They are the opinions of Elvis Presley as relayed to me telepathically by the inhabitants of Venus. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nvcwxxjti7dvgqovf2rrml2c/feed/aaaj5zycfldqi

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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · Sep 6

If you can steal a scarf away from Johnny Depp he has to grant you one wish.

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Dad Joke 🏴‍☠️ @dadjoke8467.bsky.social · 3d

There are always 239 beans in every can of beans. Because one more would make them too farty.

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Daisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 10d

I’m just looking for someone to love me and feed me pudding if I lose all my teeth.

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Midge @midge.bsky.social · 5d

People over 40 watching birds at the bird feeder

Picture of a crowd going wild with enthusiasm

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niteynite @niteynite.bsky.social · 20d

Sorry, I'm just seeing this, did yall get raptured

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Pandy Fackler 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · Aug 11

Laundry day:
1. Put stuff in washer
2. Play video game while you wait
3. Forget about the stuff in washer
4. Put clothes in dryer 8 hours later when you finally remember

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John @johncnj.bsky.social · 1d

Someone was telling me that they were on their way to a pet pharmacy. Pretty disappointed that I couldn’t go with them, since I’m certain that dogs in lab coats filling prescriptions would be adorable.

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Algonquin K Farquhar II @buddhatree.bsky.social · 11h

*gets a job at Travel Channel*

*works from home*

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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 4d

Not to brag or anything, but I got one of those ‘we’ll keep you in mind for future opportunities’ emails.

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I've got a dad back @dadback.bsky.social · 2d

Not to brag or anything, but I've been told I have the maturity of a much, much younger man

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Potentate Hawtshot @greegreehoist.bsky.social · 4d

Could I help birth a baby?
Probably, it just requires *pauses every 80s TV drama* hot water and towels

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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 17h

I love that our library has an entire section devoted to self-help books although I had to ask for assistance to find it.

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CrazyMyra @outonthemoors.bsky.social · 5d

Devising food strategy like our ancestors diagramming the hunt on the walls of the cave, but it's me comparing availability and prices on the apps as I draw up the grocery list.