I've got a dad back
@dadback.bsky.social
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I've got a dad back
@dadback.bsky.social
· Oct 19
Me, starting my work day: alright, let's get this bread
My boss (who is secretly a duck): HELL YEAH LET'S GOOOO
My boss (who is secretly a duck): HELL YEAH LET'S GOOOO
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Presence not presents, I say, as I open-hand slap my loved ones right across the face for Christmas.
December 4, 2025 at 1:12 AM
Presence not presents, I say, as I open-hand slap my loved ones right across the face for Christmas.
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When I hear the play has audience participation
December 3, 2025 at 10:29 PM
When I hear the play has audience participation
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FRIENDS: I’d help them move
BEST FRIENDS: I’d help them bury a body
WOMEN I’LL NEVER SEE AGAIN IN THE BATHROOM AT A BAR:
I’d take a bullet for them. Want an alibi or my testimony in court? Done. Need a co-signer on a loan? Hang me a pen. We’re all in this ship together, queens
BEST FRIENDS: I’d help them bury a body
WOMEN I’LL NEVER SEE AGAIN IN THE BATHROOM AT A BAR:
I’d take a bullet for them. Want an alibi or my testimony in court? Done. Need a co-signer on a loan? Hang me a pen. We’re all in this ship together, queens
December 4, 2025 at 12:04 AM
FRIENDS: I’d help them move
BEST FRIENDS: I’d help them bury a body
WOMEN I’LL NEVER SEE AGAIN IN THE BATHROOM AT A BAR:
I’d take a bullet for them. Want an alibi or my testimony in court? Done. Need a co-signer on a loan? Hang me a pen. We’re all in this ship together, queens
BEST FRIENDS: I’d help them bury a body
WOMEN I’LL NEVER SEE AGAIN IN THE BATHROOM AT A BAR:
I’d take a bullet for them. Want an alibi or my testimony in court? Done. Need a co-signer on a loan? Hang me a pen. We’re all in this ship together, queens
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Not an introvert, not an extrovert, but a verted third thing
December 3, 2025 at 11:04 PM
Not an introvert, not an extrovert, but a verted third thing
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In Noah Pinion's attic hangs a take that just keeps getting smarter and smarter
October 9, 2023 at 6:30 PM
In Noah Pinion's attic hangs a take that just keeps getting smarter and smarter
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SON: Can I have a cookie?
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
December 3, 2025 at 5:07 PM
SON: Can I have a cookie?
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
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cop: pick up that wrapper
me: no
cop: okay, have a nice day
me: no
cop: okay, have a nice day
December 3, 2025 at 1:16 PM
cop: pick up that wrapper
me: no
cop: okay, have a nice day
me: no
cop: okay, have a nice day
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Man, the Bluesky Wrapped 2025 is pretty brutal
December 3, 2025 at 5:32 PM
Man, the Bluesky Wrapped 2025 is pretty brutal
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the heart wants what it wants. Ok. but what if it wants crack
November 26, 2025 at 3:37 PM
the heart wants what it wants. Ok. but what if it wants crack
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an advent calendar, but its me opening a box from my garage every day, that have been sitting there since I moved 18 months ago
December 3, 2025 at 3:31 PM
an advent calendar, but its me opening a box from my garage every day, that have been sitting there since I moved 18 months ago
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The first president to use the internet was Abraham Linkin
December 3, 2025 at 4:25 PM
The first president to use the internet was Abraham Linkin
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use your hips. all the power comes from your hips (correcting my child’s form as they vacuum)
December 2, 2025 at 11:25 PM
use your hips. all the power comes from your hips (correcting my child’s form as they vacuum)
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put that in your pipe and oh-you’re already smoking it. didn’t even ask what it was. u wild
December 3, 2025 at 11:21 AM
put that in your pipe and oh-you’re already smoking it. didn’t even ask what it was. u wild
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I don’t know,luvs
Maybe eat a girl salad whilst syncing up our cycles and carrying a sword about it
Maybe eat a girl salad whilst syncing up our cycles and carrying a sword about it
December 3, 2025 at 5:27 AM
I don’t know,luvs
Maybe eat a girl salad whilst syncing up our cycles and carrying a sword about it
Maybe eat a girl salad whilst syncing up our cycles and carrying a sword about it
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i’ve taken the whole thing apart and still can’t find the dishwasher safe
December 1, 2025 at 2:25 AM
i’ve taken the whole thing apart and still can’t find the dishwasher safe
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*wife gets home while I'm eating dinner alone*
Her: Did you feed the kids already?
Me: Not yet.
Wife: *crosses arms*
Me: Look, when the oxygen masks drop down on the plane, who do you put it on first? Hmm?
Her: Did you feed the kids already?
Me: Not yet.
Wife: *crosses arms*
Me: Look, when the oxygen masks drop down on the plane, who do you put it on first? Hmm?
December 2, 2025 at 10:53 PM
*wife gets home while I'm eating dinner alone*
Her: Did you feed the kids already?
Me: Not yet.
Wife: *crosses arms*
Me: Look, when the oxygen masks drop down on the plane, who do you put it on first? Hmm?
Her: Did you feed the kids already?
Me: Not yet.
Wife: *crosses arms*
Me: Look, when the oxygen masks drop down on the plane, who do you put it on first? Hmm?
Reposted by I've got a dad back
toilet training report: child will sit on toilet and go "pssss, psssss" with her mouth in an attempt to trick us and get another reward
December 3, 2025 at 12:49 AM
toilet training report: child will sit on toilet and go "pssss, psssss" with her mouth in an attempt to trick us and get another reward
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Tonight’s dumb napkin cartoon…
December 3, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Tonight’s dumb napkin cartoon…
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actually Die Hard is a Cow Tools movie
December 20, 2024 at 12:06 PM
actually Die Hard is a Cow Tools movie
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If they cancel your favorite TV show, but then you get a movie where a beloved character dies, do you call it a Wash?
December 2, 2025 at 7:59 PM
If they cancel your favorite TV show, but then you get a movie where a beloved character dies, do you call it a Wash?
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writers artists
🤝
getting our best work
🤝 done at 2am 🤝
🤝
criminals santa claus
🤝
getting our best work
🤝 done at 2am 🤝
🤝
criminals santa claus
March 28, 2025 at 1:49 AM
writers artists
🤝
getting our best work
🤝 done at 2am 🤝
🤝
criminals santa claus
🤝
getting our best work
🤝 done at 2am 🤝
🤝
criminals santa claus
Reposted by I've got a dad back
When I see a sign that tells me how fast I'm going it's like I already have something in my car that does that so
December 2, 2025 at 5:08 PM
When I see a sign that tells me how fast I'm going it's like I already have something in my car that does that so
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i never, and i mean EVER, correct anyone’s grammar or spelling on social media bc i’ve had sex but if you start a grammar war with me you’d better be correct
December 2, 2025 at 4:13 PM
i never, and i mean EVER, correct anyone’s grammar or spelling on social media bc i’ve had sex but if you start a grammar war with me you’d better be correct
Me, to my bladder at 3am:
December 2, 2025 at 5:23 PM
Me, to my bladder at 3am: