I've got a dad back
@dadback.bsky.social
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I've got a dad back
@dadback.bsky.social
· Oct 19
Me, starting my work day: alright, let's get this bread
My boss (who is secretly a duck): HELL YEAH LET'S GOOOO
My boss (who is secretly a duck): HELL YEAH LET'S GOOOO
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Fire Marshal: "There are too many kung fu fighters in here"
November 16, 2025 at 2:17 AM
Fire Marshal: "There are too many kung fu fighters in here"
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Personally think the Spice Girls could've spent less time affirming that they were going to tell us what they wanted and more time clarifying what it was that they wanted
December 4, 2025 at 10:21 AM
Personally think the Spice Girls could've spent less time affirming that they were going to tell us what they wanted and more time clarifying what it was that they wanted
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They should’ve called them Treese’s
December 4, 2025 at 2:25 AM
They should’ve called them Treese’s
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How old was Steve Martin when he was born?
December 4, 2025 at 5:50 AM
How old was Steve Martin when he was born?
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Presence not presents, I say, as I open-hand slap my loved ones right across the face for Christmas.
December 4, 2025 at 1:12 AM
Presence not presents, I say, as I open-hand slap my loved ones right across the face for Christmas.
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When I hear the play has audience participation
December 3, 2025 at 10:29 PM
When I hear the play has audience participation
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FRIENDS: I’d help them move
BEST FRIENDS: I’d help them bury a body
WOMEN I’LL NEVER SEE AGAIN IN THE BATHROOM AT A BAR:
I’d take a bullet for them. Want an alibi or my testimony in court? Done. Need a co-signer on a loan? Hang me a pen. We’re all in this ship together, queens
BEST FRIENDS: I’d help them bury a body
WOMEN I’LL NEVER SEE AGAIN IN THE BATHROOM AT A BAR:
I’d take a bullet for them. Want an alibi or my testimony in court? Done. Need a co-signer on a loan? Hang me a pen. We’re all in this ship together, queens
December 4, 2025 at 12:04 AM
FRIENDS: I’d help them move
BEST FRIENDS: I’d help them bury a body
WOMEN I’LL NEVER SEE AGAIN IN THE BATHROOM AT A BAR:
I’d take a bullet for them. Want an alibi or my testimony in court? Done. Need a co-signer on a loan? Hang me a pen. We’re all in this ship together, queens
BEST FRIENDS: I’d help them bury a body
WOMEN I’LL NEVER SEE AGAIN IN THE BATHROOM AT A BAR:
I’d take a bullet for them. Want an alibi or my testimony in court? Done. Need a co-signer on a loan? Hang me a pen. We’re all in this ship together, queens
Reposted by I've got a dad back
Not an introvert, not an extrovert, but a verted third thing
December 3, 2025 at 11:04 PM
Not an introvert, not an extrovert, but a verted third thing
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In Noah Pinion's attic hangs a take that just keeps getting smarter and smarter
October 9, 2023 at 6:30 PM
In Noah Pinion's attic hangs a take that just keeps getting smarter and smarter
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SON: Can I have a cookie?
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
December 3, 2025 at 5:07 PM
SON: Can I have a cookie?
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
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cop: pick up that wrapper
me: no
cop: okay, have a nice day
me: no
cop: okay, have a nice day
December 3, 2025 at 1:16 PM
cop: pick up that wrapper
me: no
cop: okay, have a nice day
me: no
cop: okay, have a nice day
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Man, the Bluesky Wrapped 2025 is pretty brutal
December 3, 2025 at 5:32 PM
Man, the Bluesky Wrapped 2025 is pretty brutal
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the heart wants what it wants. Ok. but what if it wants crack
November 26, 2025 at 3:37 PM
the heart wants what it wants. Ok. but what if it wants crack
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an advent calendar, but its me opening a box from my garage every day, that have been sitting there since I moved 18 months ago
December 3, 2025 at 3:31 PM
an advent calendar, but its me opening a box from my garage every day, that have been sitting there since I moved 18 months ago
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The first president to use the internet was Abraham Linkin
December 3, 2025 at 4:25 PM
The first president to use the internet was Abraham Linkin
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use your hips. all the power comes from your hips (correcting my child’s form as they vacuum)
December 2, 2025 at 11:25 PM
use your hips. all the power comes from your hips (correcting my child’s form as they vacuum)
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put that in your pipe and oh-you’re already smoking it. didn’t even ask what it was. u wild
December 3, 2025 at 11:21 AM
put that in your pipe and oh-you’re already smoking it. didn’t even ask what it was. u wild
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I don’t know,luvs
Maybe eat a girl salad whilst syncing up our cycles and carrying a sword about it
Maybe eat a girl salad whilst syncing up our cycles and carrying a sword about it
December 3, 2025 at 5:27 AM
I don’t know,luvs
Maybe eat a girl salad whilst syncing up our cycles and carrying a sword about it
Maybe eat a girl salad whilst syncing up our cycles and carrying a sword about it
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i’ve taken the whole thing apart and still can’t find the dishwasher safe
December 1, 2025 at 2:25 AM
i’ve taken the whole thing apart and still can’t find the dishwasher safe
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*wife gets home while I'm eating dinner alone*
Her: Did you feed the kids already?
Me: Not yet.
Wife: *crosses arms*
Me: Look, when the oxygen masks drop down on the plane, who do you put it on first? Hmm?
Her: Did you feed the kids already?
Me: Not yet.
Wife: *crosses arms*
Me: Look, when the oxygen masks drop down on the plane, who do you put it on first? Hmm?
December 2, 2025 at 10:53 PM
*wife gets home while I'm eating dinner alone*
Her: Did you feed the kids already?
Me: Not yet.
Wife: *crosses arms*
Me: Look, when the oxygen masks drop down on the plane, who do you put it on first? Hmm?
Her: Did you feed the kids already?
Me: Not yet.
Wife: *crosses arms*
Me: Look, when the oxygen masks drop down on the plane, who do you put it on first? Hmm?
Reposted by I've got a dad back
toilet training report: child will sit on toilet and go "pssss, psssss" with her mouth in an attempt to trick us and get another reward
December 3, 2025 at 12:49 AM
toilet training report: child will sit on toilet and go "pssss, psssss" with her mouth in an attempt to trick us and get another reward
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Tonight’s dumb napkin cartoon…
December 3, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Tonight’s dumb napkin cartoon…
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actually Die Hard is a Cow Tools movie
December 20, 2024 at 12:06 PM
actually Die Hard is a Cow Tools movie
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If they cancel your favorite TV show, but then you get a movie where a beloved character dies, do you call it a Wash?
December 2, 2025 at 7:59 PM
If they cancel your favorite TV show, but then you get a movie where a beloved character dies, do you call it a Wash?