Midge
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midge.bsky.social
Midge
@midge.bsky.social
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Stages of life:
1. Birth
2. You gotta be fucking kidding me
3. Death
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The amount of butter in my mashed potatoes could only be described as reckless
November 26, 2025 at 5:04 PM
The amount of butter in my mashed potatoes could only be described as reckless
November 26, 2025 at 5:04 PM
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it’s all downhill once you get bumped up from the kid’s table at thanksgiving
November 24, 2025 at 2:53 PM
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What in the festive fuck
November 18, 2025 at 12:49 AM
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marriage is getting woken up from a nap so your partner can ask if you’re still napping
November 24, 2025 at 11:49 PM
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I used to be young. Now I feel a little badass when I close the oven door with my foot
November 25, 2025 at 1:43 PM
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Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate the affordability and that the cost hasn't inflated, but I wish Aldi didn't make you buy a 25¢ cart every single time, I am running out of garage and bakyard space
November 24, 2025 at 11:27 PM
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Every day I wake up and give thanks for my health, my family, and for not being Cheryl Hines
November 23, 2025 at 6:36 PM
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Am I being too obvious if I show up for Thanksgiving dinner carrying empty Tupperware and a box of Ziploc bags?
November 25, 2025 at 11:52 PM
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calling the butterball hotline and asking them when will life get better
November 26, 2025 at 1:03 PM
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When I realized that I’m like the god of my gut microbiome, I started eating in mysterious ways
November 25, 2025 at 3:06 AM
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Charlie Brown’s eyes are both on the front of his head, implying that he is a predator
November 25, 2025 at 5:22 AM
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me: in 50 years? I’ll be 98.

daughter: that’s IF you don’t die first

me: right, thanks
November 25, 2025 at 10:24 PM
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“I AM A GOLDEN GOD!”
November 25, 2025 at 2:06 PM
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shark: *smirking* no hablo inglés
November 26, 2025 at 2:10 PM
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I’m so old I remember when ‘left to their own devices’ didn’t suggest electronics.
November 25, 2025 at 12:51 AM
it’s all downhill once you get bumped up from the kid’s table at thanksgiving
November 24, 2025 at 2:53 PM
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PAVLOV: thank you for watching my dog! did they drool a lot?

SCHRÖDINGER: yes and no
November 21, 2025 at 9:14 PM
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When calligraphers get mad they send strongly lettered words
November 24, 2025 at 5:31 AM
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Having just been through the desert carrying a guy with no name, it felt good to get out of the rain.
November 24, 2025 at 2:17 PM
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"girls have it so easy. just make an OF and show ur titties"
- guy who has no idea what marketing is and how much effort it takes even when you're pretty
November 23, 2025 at 4:37 PM
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my dad about to tell a funny story that isn’t nearly as funny as he thinks it is
November 23, 2025 at 10:44 PM
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My friend just fuckin showed up with a corncob pipe & that’s when it hit me that we are all in our 40s which means we get one new accessory slot
November 23, 2025 at 9:11 PM
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“we need to be nicer to men” bro they didn’t let women have their own credit cards til 50 years ago
November 23, 2025 at 10:39 PM