Midge
@midge.bsky.social
Relentless architect of my own hell
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ekcbouwwcir2eexututpjpp5/feed/aaaouhaovrikw
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ekcbouwwcir2eexututpjpp5/feed/aaaouhaovrikw
Pinned
Midge
@midge.bsky.social
· Jul 1
Stages of life:
1. Birth
2. You gotta be fucking kidding me
3. Death
1. Birth
2. You gotta be fucking kidding me
3. Death
Reposted by Midge
The amount of butter in my mashed potatoes could only be described as reckless
November 26, 2025 at 5:04 PM
The amount of butter in my mashed potatoes could only be described as reckless
The amount of butter in my mashed potatoes could only be described as reckless
November 26, 2025 at 5:04 PM
The amount of butter in my mashed potatoes could only be described as reckless
Reposted by Midge
it’s all downhill once you get bumped up from the kid’s table at thanksgiving
November 24, 2025 at 2:53 PM
it’s all downhill once you get bumped up from the kid’s table at thanksgiving
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What in the festive fuck
November 18, 2025 at 12:49 AM
What in the festive fuck
Reposted by Midge
marriage is getting woken up from a nap so your partner can ask if you’re still napping
November 24, 2025 at 11:49 PM
marriage is getting woken up from a nap so your partner can ask if you’re still napping
Reposted by Midge
I used to be young. Now I feel a little badass when I close the oven door with my foot
November 25, 2025 at 1:43 PM
I used to be young. Now I feel a little badass when I close the oven door with my foot
Reposted by Midge
Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate the affordability and that the cost hasn't inflated, but I wish Aldi didn't make you buy a 25¢ cart every single time, I am running out of garage and bakyard space
November 24, 2025 at 11:27 PM
Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate the affordability and that the cost hasn't inflated, but I wish Aldi didn't make you buy a 25¢ cart every single time, I am running out of garage and bakyard space
Reposted by Midge
Every day I wake up and give thanks for my health, my family, and for not being Cheryl Hines
November 23, 2025 at 6:36 PM
Every day I wake up and give thanks for my health, my family, and for not being Cheryl Hines
Reposted by Midge
Am I being too obvious if I show up for Thanksgiving dinner carrying empty Tupperware and a box of Ziploc bags?
November 25, 2025 at 11:52 PM
Am I being too obvious if I show up for Thanksgiving dinner carrying empty Tupperware and a box of Ziploc bags?
Reposted by Midge
calling the butterball hotline and asking them when will life get better
November 26, 2025 at 1:03 PM
calling the butterball hotline and asking them when will life get better
Reposted by Midge
When I realized that I’m like the god of my gut microbiome, I started eating in mysterious ways
November 25, 2025 at 3:06 AM
When I realized that I’m like the god of my gut microbiome, I started eating in mysterious ways
Reposted by Midge
Charlie Brown’s eyes are both on the front of his head, implying that he is a predator
November 25, 2025 at 5:22 AM
Charlie Brown’s eyes are both on the front of his head, implying that he is a predator
Reposted by Midge
me: in 50 years? I’ll be 98.
daughter: that’s IF you don’t die first
me: right, thanks
daughter: that’s IF you don’t die first
me: right, thanks
November 25, 2025 at 10:24 PM
me: in 50 years? I’ll be 98.
daughter: that’s IF you don’t die first
me: right, thanks
daughter: that’s IF you don’t die first
me: right, thanks
Reposted by Midge
“I AM A GOLDEN GOD!”
November 25, 2025 at 2:06 PM
“I AM A GOLDEN GOD!”
Reposted by Midge
shark: *smirking* no hablo inglés
November 26, 2025 at 2:10 PM
shark: *smirking* no hablo inglés
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I’m so old I remember when ‘left to their own devices’ didn’t suggest electronics.
November 25, 2025 at 12:51 AM
I’m so old I remember when ‘left to their own devices’ didn’t suggest electronics.
it’s all downhill once you get bumped up from the kid’s table at thanksgiving
November 24, 2025 at 2:53 PM
it’s all downhill once you get bumped up from the kid’s table at thanksgiving
Reposted by Midge
PAVLOV: thank you for watching my dog! did they drool a lot?
SCHRÖDINGER: yes and no
SCHRÖDINGER: yes and no
November 21, 2025 at 9:14 PM
PAVLOV: thank you for watching my dog! did they drool a lot?
SCHRÖDINGER: yes and no
SCHRÖDINGER: yes and no
Reposted by Midge
When calligraphers get mad they send strongly lettered words
November 24, 2025 at 5:31 AM
When calligraphers get mad they send strongly lettered words
Reposted by Midge
Having just been through the desert carrying a guy with no name, it felt good to get out of the rain.
November 24, 2025 at 2:17 PM
Having just been through the desert carrying a guy with no name, it felt good to get out of the rain.
Reposted by Midge
"girls have it so easy. just make an OF and show ur titties"
- guy who has no idea what marketing is and how much effort it takes even when you're pretty
- guy who has no idea what marketing is and how much effort it takes even when you're pretty
November 23, 2025 at 4:37 PM
"girls have it so easy. just make an OF and show ur titties"
- guy who has no idea what marketing is and how much effort it takes even when you're pretty
- guy who has no idea what marketing is and how much effort it takes even when you're pretty
Reposted by Midge
my dad about to tell a funny story that isn’t nearly as funny as he thinks it is
November 23, 2025 at 10:44 PM
my dad about to tell a funny story that isn’t nearly as funny as he thinks it is
Reposted by Midge
My friend just fuckin showed up with a corncob pipe & that’s when it hit me that we are all in our 40s which means we get one new accessory slot
November 23, 2025 at 9:11 PM
My friend just fuckin showed up with a corncob pipe & that’s when it hit me that we are all in our 40s which means we get one new accessory slot
Reposted by Midge
“we need to be nicer to men” bro they didn’t let women have their own credit cards til 50 years ago
November 23, 2025 at 10:39 PM
“we need to be nicer to men” bro they didn’t let women have their own credit cards til 50 years ago