Marl
@marlebean.bsky.social
If you innocently act like you don't know, people will explain dirty words to you and it's hilarious.
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7ehz6ygwahh2y3lgk7dq3xs2/feed/aaacgqxvtud72
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7ehz6ygwahh2y3lgk7dq3xs2/feed/aaacgqxvtud72
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Marl
@marlebean.bsky.social
· Nov 26
Fun game:
Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"
Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"
Reposted by Marl
*steps on scale after Thanksgiving*
(extreme Tiger King voice)
"I will never fully recover from this"
(extreme Tiger King voice)
"I will never fully recover from this"
November 28, 2024 at 4:33 PM
*steps on scale after Thanksgiving*
(extreme Tiger King voice)
"I will never fully recover from this"
(extreme Tiger King voice)
"I will never fully recover from this"
Reposted by Marl
Fun game:
Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"
Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"
November 26, 2024 at 7:45 PM
Fun game:
Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"
Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"
Reposted by Marl
Me: I cleared the table for dessert.
Her: Why did you leave these cranberries out?
Me: DON’T TOUCH THEM!!!
Her: What…Why???
Me: You have to let them linger.
Her: Why did you leave these cranberries out?
Me: DON’T TOUCH THEM!!!
Her: What…Why???
Me: You have to let them linger.
November 27, 2024 at 12:46 AM
Me: I cleared the table for dessert.
Her: Why did you leave these cranberries out?
Me: DON’T TOUCH THEM!!!
Her: What…Why???
Me: You have to let them linger.
Her: Why did you leave these cranberries out?
Me: DON’T TOUCH THEM!!!
Her: What…Why???
Me: You have to let them linger.
Reposted by Marl
*mouth full of yams
This club can't even handle me right now
This club can't even handle me right now
November 27, 2025 at 3:04 AM
*mouth full of yams
This club can't even handle me right now
This club can't even handle me right now
Reposted by Marl
Youth pastor (after sitting down on a chair turned backwards): I know you kids like these modern pop songs by Sabrina but you know who else was a Carpenter?
November 27, 2025 at 3:00 AM
Youth pastor (after sitting down on a chair turned backwards): I know you kids like these modern pop songs by Sabrina but you know who else was a Carpenter?
Reposted by Marl
Auto-correct changed "social" media to "sociopath" media, and it's not wrong
September 19, 2025 at 1:04 AM
Auto-correct changed "social" media to "sociopath" media, and it's not wrong
Reposted by Marl
"Why are you so happy? It's really annoying."
- My wife, nailing this marriage thing
- My wife, nailing this marriage thing
December 6, 2023 at 3:22 PM
"Why are you so happy? It's really annoying."
- My wife, nailing this marriage thing
- My wife, nailing this marriage thing
Reposted by Marl
Me: (after eating 8 fun size Snickers) omg this IS fun
November 12, 2025 at 11:46 PM
Me: (after eating 8 fun size Snickers) omg this IS fun
Reposted by Marl
There’s nothing quite like watching your mom go elbow-deep in a turkey.
November 26, 2025 at 5:36 PM
There’s nothing quite like watching your mom go elbow-deep in a turkey.
Reposted by Marl
Going through the 5 stages of grief, standing in front of the fridge
November 26, 2025 at 11:09 PM
Going through the 5 stages of grief, standing in front of the fridge
Reposted by Marl
ME: It's like The Goonies meets E.T. meets The X Files.
FRIEND: You talking about Stranger Things?
ME: [hiding my screenplay, The Goonet Files, behind my back] Totally. Yeah.
FRIEND: You talking about Stranger Things?
ME: [hiding my screenplay, The Goonet Files, behind my back] Totally. Yeah.
November 26, 2025 at 9:24 PM
ME: It's like The Goonies meets E.T. meets The X Files.
FRIEND: You talking about Stranger Things?
ME: [hiding my screenplay, The Goonet Files, behind my back] Totally. Yeah.
FRIEND: You talking about Stranger Things?
ME: [hiding my screenplay, The Goonet Files, behind my back] Totally. Yeah.
Reposted by Marl
I’ve never paid for sex.
*looks at kids’ tuition bills*
Well, not on the front end.
*looks at kids’ tuition bills*
Well, not on the front end.
November 26, 2025 at 9:15 PM
I’ve never paid for sex.
*looks at kids’ tuition bills*
Well, not on the front end.
*looks at kids’ tuition bills*
Well, not on the front end.
Reposted by Marl
My AI hand turkey has seven tail feathers.
November 26, 2025 at 9:39 PM
My AI hand turkey has seven tail feathers.
Reposted by Marl
Jesus didn't die for you to eat fake potatoes
November 26, 2025 at 10:07 PM
Jesus didn't die for you to eat fake potatoes
Reposted by Marl
Don't wait until New Years. You can fail to make major changes in your life any time.
November 26, 2025 at 10:53 PM
Don't wait until New Years. You can fail to make major changes in your life any time.
Reposted by Marl
You guys wanna do gravy shots?
November 26, 2025 at 11:12 PM
You guys wanna do gravy shots?
Reposted by Marl
After Thanksgiving my transformation from almost human into elf for December is eerie.
November 26, 2025 at 11:47 PM
After Thanksgiving my transformation from almost human into elf for December is eerie.
Reposted by Marl
Chernobyl would be a beautiful name for a baby boy conjoined to another baby boy
November 26, 2025 at 11:54 PM
Chernobyl would be a beautiful name for a baby boy conjoined to another baby boy
Reposted by Marl
people who hate cranberry sauce prefer ketchup on their turkey
November 27, 2025 at 12:03 AM
people who hate cranberry sauce prefer ketchup on their turkey
Reposted by Marl
the sinful things we do to fowl in the name of gratitude... i give thanks that i am not a turkey.
November 27, 2025 at 12:08 AM
the sinful things we do to fowl in the name of gratitude... i give thanks that i am not a turkey.
Reposted by Marl
My plus one for this year’s Thanksgiving dinner is vodka.
November 27, 2025 at 12:08 AM
My plus one for this year’s Thanksgiving dinner is vodka.
Reposted by Marl
i thought i was dying but i just needed a coffee
November 27, 2025 at 12:10 AM
i thought i was dying but i just needed a coffee
Reposted by Marl
[basting the turkey]
Everything reminds me of him
Everything reminds me of him
November 25, 2025 at 2:42 PM
[basting the turkey]
Everything reminds me of him
Everything reminds me of him
Reposted by Marl
Google Maps: object on road ahead
Me: uh, yeah, they're called cars, jeez
Me: uh, yeah, they're called cars, jeez
November 24, 2025 at 11:58 PM
Google Maps: object on road ahead
Me: uh, yeah, they're called cars, jeez
Me: uh, yeah, they're called cars, jeez
Reposted by Marl
Some nights I throw all of my coats on the bed in the guest room so it looks like I’m having a big party.
November 25, 2025 at 12:32 AM
Some nights I throw all of my coats on the bed in the guest room so it looks like I’m having a big party.