Robert Knop
@fatherwithtwins.bsky.social
Big fan of my 13yo twin boys and my wife. Level 10 dad jokester.
Pinned
My parents are “oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I had surgery yesterday” years old
When people tell me “don’t write checks your butt can’t cash” I don’t get worried because my butt has never tried to cash a check
December 4, 2025 at 1:05 AM
When people tell me “don’t write checks your butt can’t cash” I don’t get worried because my butt has never tried to cash a check
Reposted by Robert Knop
SON: [runs in screaming]There’s a snail in my trouser pocket. Get it out. Get it out!!
ME: *barely audible* Escargot pants.
WIFE: You're a terrible father
ME: *barely audible* Escargot pants.
WIFE: You're a terrible father
December 3, 2025 at 1:21 PM
SON: [runs in screaming]There’s a snail in my trouser pocket. Get it out. Get it out!!
ME: *barely audible* Escargot pants.
WIFE: You're a terrible father
ME: *barely audible* Escargot pants.
WIFE: You're a terrible father
Reposted by Robert Knop
Contrary to popular belief, I’ve never practiced Santeria and I’ve never owned a crystal ball.
December 3, 2025 at 9:57 PM
Contrary to popular belief, I’ve never practiced Santeria and I’ve never owned a crystal ball.
Reposted by Robert Knop
The cyc in 'cycle' actually looks like a bike and now that I've seen it, you have to too!
December 3, 2025 at 9:56 PM
The cyc in 'cycle' actually looks like a bike and now that I've seen it, you have to too!
Reposted by Robert Knop
Don’t make me thumbs up react you
November 19, 2025 at 2:12 AM
Don’t make me thumbs up react you
Reposted by Robert Knop
My poetry brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, you're a wonderful bard
Damn right, I'm a wonderful bard
I could teach you, as it's not that hard
And they're like, you're a wonderful bard
Damn right, I'm a wonderful bard
I could teach you, as it's not that hard
December 1, 2025 at 10:07 PM
My poetry brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, you're a wonderful bard
Damn right, I'm a wonderful bard
I could teach you, as it's not that hard
And they're like, you're a wonderful bard
Damn right, I'm a wonderful bard
I could teach you, as it's not that hard
Reposted by Robert Knop
As soon as the tide comes back in it's over for you beaches.
December 1, 2025 at 6:49 PM
As soon as the tide comes back in it's over for you beaches.
Reposted by Robert Knop
PRIEST: in honour of the deceased’s final wishes, each person will sprinkle Parmesan onto the coffin instead of dirt.
December 1, 2025 at 5:46 PM
PRIEST: in honour of the deceased’s final wishes, each person will sprinkle Parmesan onto the coffin instead of dirt.
Reposted by Robert Knop
Christmas on the outside. Thanksgiving on the inside.
December 1, 2025 at 5:37 PM
Christmas on the outside. Thanksgiving on the inside.
Reposted by Robert Knop
[during sex] where’s the laugh track coming from?
December 1, 2025 at 8:29 PM
[during sex] where’s the laugh track coming from?
Reposted by Robert Knop
The Canadian With The Poutine Tattoo.
November 30, 2025 at 4:13 PM
The Canadian With The Poutine Tattoo.
Reposted by Robert Knop
in no way was having the last 2 days off a vacation.
November 29, 2025 at 3:19 PM
in no way was having the last 2 days off a vacation.
Reposted by Robert Knop
Goods is too modest. They should be called baked greats.
November 29, 2025 at 8:23 PM
Goods is too modest. They should be called baked greats.
Whoever called it a “walkie talkie” should be in charge of naming more things
November 30, 2025 at 3:16 AM
Whoever called it a “walkie talkie” should be in charge of naming more things
Reposted by Robert Knop
Take her shopping for his and her coffins on the first date to show how committed you are to making the relationship work.
November 29, 2025 at 4:47 PM
Take her shopping for his and her coffins on the first date to show how committed you are to making the relationship work.
Reposted by Robert Knop
Rocking back and forth in the fetal position really works your core
November 29, 2025 at 2:57 PM
Rocking back and forth in the fetal position really works your core
Reposted by Robert Knop
Reposted by Robert Knop
What’s the best work out for eating your wgt in mashed potatoes & now can’t fit into your jeans? I’m just curious
November 29, 2025 at 12:49 PM
What’s the best work out for eating your wgt in mashed potatoes & now can’t fit into your jeans? I’m just curious
Reposted by Robert Knop
Got kicked out of the zoo again for shouting ‘bitch please’ at the peacocks
November 29, 2025 at 1:23 PM
Got kicked out of the zoo again for shouting ‘bitch please’ at the peacocks
Reposted by Robert Knop
The Little Engine That Wished A Motherfucka Would
November 29, 2025 at 6:26 AM
The Little Engine That Wished A Motherfucka Would
Reposted by Robert Knop
The Girl with the Cheeseburger Tattoo
November 29, 2025 at 4:14 AM
The Girl with the Cheeseburger Tattoo
Do you feel obligated to donate to a charity when you get back from vacation or are you normal?
November 28, 2025 at 5:59 PM
Do you feel obligated to donate to a charity when you get back from vacation or are you normal?
Reposted by Robert Knop
Y'all taking this fruit for pomegranted
November 22, 2025 at 9:18 PM
Y'all taking this fruit for pomegranted
Reposted by Robert Knop
Fun game:
Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"
Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"
November 26, 2024 at 7:45 PM
Fun game:
Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"
Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"
Reposted by Robert Knop
I'm beginning to think I'll never find a giant x on the ground marking the spot to buried treasure
November 26, 2025 at 3:45 PM
I'm beginning to think I'll never find a giant x on the ground marking the spot to buried treasure