Robert Knop
@fatherwithtwins.bsky.social
Big fan of my 13yo twin boys and my wife. Level 10 dad jokester.
Pinned
My parents are “oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I had surgery yesterday” years old
Reposted by Robert Knop
Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate the affordability and that the cost hasn't inflated, but I wish Aldi didn't make you buy a 25¢ cart every single time, I am running out of garage and bakyard space
November 24, 2025 at 11:27 PM
Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate the affordability and that the cost hasn't inflated, but I wish Aldi didn't make you buy a 25¢ cart every single time, I am running out of garage and bakyard space
Reposted by Robert Knop
the creature growing in my loofah said “please, creator, make me a companion”
November 18, 2025 at 2:21 PM
the creature growing in my loofah said “please, creator, make me a companion”
Reposted by Robert Knop
How dare you give me the tools to help myself.
November 21, 2025 at 6:35 PM
How dare you give me the tools to help myself.
Reposted by Robert Knop
I like to wear my cowboy hat to the grocery store then stand in front of the canned beans shelf asking passersby which kind they think the other fellas on the cattle drive would like. “You think Bourbon and Brown Sugar?” I ask.
October 19, 2025 at 1:31 PM
I like to wear my cowboy hat to the grocery store then stand in front of the canned beans shelf asking passersby which kind they think the other fellas on the cattle drive would like. “You think Bourbon and Brown Sugar?” I ask.
Reposted by Robert Knop
Someone compliments you on your porcelain skin. How does it feel to be compared to a toilet?
November 22, 2025 at 5:13 PM
Someone compliments you on your porcelain skin. How does it feel to be compared to a toilet?
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Before I got married, I never realized you could sneeze like an asshole
November 20, 2025 at 3:49 AM
Before I got married, I never realized you could sneeze like an asshole
Reposted by Robert Knop
I was like ‘so what’s your favourite Alanis Morrisette song’ and she was like ‘You Oughta Know’ and I was all ‘I’m not a fucken mind reader, Sharon’.
November 21, 2025 at 9:03 PM
I was like ‘so what’s your favourite Alanis Morrisette song’ and she was like ‘You Oughta Know’ and I was all ‘I’m not a fucken mind reader, Sharon’.
Reposted by Robert Knop
the celebratory friday cheese has been consumed hence the weekend may now commence
November 21, 2025 at 6:38 AM
the celebratory friday cheese has been consumed hence the weekend may now commence
Reposted by Robert Knop
It's disappointing when you watch a high school basketball game and no one turns into a werewolf.
October 22, 2025 at 6:13 AM
It's disappointing when you watch a high school basketball game and no one turns into a werewolf.
Reposted by Robert Knop
[bookstore]
ME: do you have any books about the study of plants?
CLERK: botany?
ME: no that's why I'm here
ME: do you have any books about the study of plants?
CLERK: botany?
ME: no that's why I'm here
January 7, 2025 at 1:59 PM
[bookstore]
ME: do you have any books about the study of plants?
CLERK: botany?
ME: no that's why I'm here
ME: do you have any books about the study of plants?
CLERK: botany?
ME: no that's why I'm here
Reposted by Robert Knop
Forty sleeps until Christmas but no pressure.
November 15, 2025 at 9:28 PM
Forty sleeps until Christmas but no pressure.
Reposted by Robert Knop
A powdered wig on a barrister but the powder is cheeto dust
November 13, 2025 at 3:18 PM
A powdered wig on a barrister but the powder is cheeto dust
Reposted by Robert Knop
Change a letter, make a singer less appealing:
Musty Springfield
Musty Springfield
Change a letter, make a singer less appealing:
David Lee Rath
David Lee Rath
Change a letter, make a singer less appealing:
Saggy Hagar
Saggy Hagar
November 14, 2025 at 7:18 PM
Change a letter, make a singer less appealing:
Musty Springfield
Musty Springfield
Reposted by Robert Knop
this is way too much diggity, we’re gonna have to bag it up
November 5, 2025 at 7:05 AM
this is way too much diggity, we’re gonna have to bag it up
Reposted by Robert Knop
Some of y’all are clearly not imagining enough dragons
November 13, 2025 at 9:11 PM
Some of y’all are clearly not imagining enough dragons
Me: Forecast says rain the next few days. Looks like we are stuck inside all weekend
Wife: Yesssss!!
Wife: Yesssss!!
November 14, 2025 at 7:33 PM
Me: Forecast says rain the next few days. Looks like we are stuck inside all weekend
Wife: Yesssss!!
Wife: Yesssss!!
Reposted by Robert Knop
muppet movie posters: thread
November 14, 2025 at 2:14 AM
muppet movie posters: thread
Reposted by Robert Knop
Safety inspector: I found two major issues with your Death Star. For one thing, there are no railings.
Grand Moff Tarkin: We believe railings would detract from the austerity of our bottomless chasms.
Safety inspector: That brings us to my second issue.
Grand Moff Tarkin: We believe railings would detract from the austerity of our bottomless chasms.
Safety inspector: That brings us to my second issue.
November 12, 2025 at 11:35 PM
Safety inspector: I found two major issues with your Death Star. For one thing, there are no railings.
Grand Moff Tarkin: We believe railings would detract from the austerity of our bottomless chasms.
Safety inspector: That brings us to my second issue.
Grand Moff Tarkin: We believe railings would detract from the austerity of our bottomless chasms.
Safety inspector: That brings us to my second issue.
Reposted by Robert Knop
Another unrealistic body standard for women.
November 11, 2025 at 11:11 PM
Another unrealistic body standard for women.
Reposted by Robert Knop
Nothing brings a couple closer than overhearing another couple fight at the next table.
November 10, 2025 at 6:23 PM
Nothing brings a couple closer than overhearing another couple fight at the next table.
Reposted by Robert Knop
the origin story of the cabbage patch kids is terrifying
October 28, 2025 at 2:18 PM
the origin story of the cabbage patch kids is terrifying
Reposted by Robert Knop
I don't delete my bad posts because why should I suffer alone.
November 9, 2025 at 6:50 PM
I don't delete my bad posts because why should I suffer alone.
Reposted by Robert Knop
If YouTube didn’t run 30 second ads before showing “Heimlich Maneuver” I’m sure my date tonight would’ve asked me out again.
November 8, 2025 at 5:07 AM
If YouTube didn’t run 30 second ads before showing “Heimlich Maneuver” I’m sure my date tonight would’ve asked me out again.
Reposted by Robert Knop
There must be some unwritten rule that smoke detectors have to start malfunctioning at night. To ensure that at least one person in the house is asleep.
November 8, 2025 at 2:46 AM
There must be some unwritten rule that smoke detectors have to start malfunctioning at night. To ensure that at least one person in the house is asleep.