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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

@unfitz.bsky.social

22K followers 2.6K following 11K posts

Fugitive warlord. Indicted crypto kingpin. Disgraced former intern. Dry clean only. He/him/his Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀 @unfitz.bsky.social · Oct 11

I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

Daisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 4h

Feel like selling everything and moving to a little cabin in the mountains. Maybe I’ll find some abandoned bear cubs to rescue.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

ash @ashhull.bsky.social · 3h

Uses candy corn as ear plugs.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 4h

i had to give up microwave burritos the sexual tension was overwhelming

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

Stace Fiction @girlawhirl.bsky.social · 6h

Baby are you a spare tire because you look kinda wonky & I don’t know how to change you.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

LadyDEADtera32 🍁😷🌈💀 @ladylettera32.bsky.social · 23h

Getting fired from my mortician job because I made all the dead people look like glam rockers

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

Christina, mother of spiders @aikiwomannc.bsky.social · May 12

People: Let's meet up later!

ADHD: Sounds good!

Anxiety: No, you'll make it weird.

ADHD: No I won't

Anxiety: Yes you will

ADHD: No

Anxiety: Remember that detailed description of how plague victims died?

ADHD: Oh

Anxiety: Yes

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 6h

I just felt a small, but genuine thrill when noticing we’d finally finished the awful lemon-scented hand soap in the kitchen, and it had been replaced with my favorite cherry blossom soap. It would seem that I have a favorite hand soap. Such is the rock and roll lifestyle I lead.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

Barphbie ™ @mslaura.bsky.social · 1d

Are two crows an attempted murder?

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

Reverie 💀🕯️ @augustreverie.bsky.social · 17h

I’m out with flameless candles looking for myself

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 8h

Autocorrect automatically adds imaginary when I type "friend."

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

[Sic] Burns @sicburns2.bsky.social · 11h

The “no you hang up” game except we’re launching a thermonuclear missile from a bunker in Kansas

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 16h

If a man is not willing to burn down an entire world for me, I don’t want it.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 15h

the first hour of the day and the last hour of the day i am at my dumbest

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀 @unfitz.bsky.social · 5h

That ground has been tread!

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀 @unfitz.bsky.social · 5h

😂

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

[Sic] Burns @sicburns2.bsky.social · 10h

People leaving don’t scare me I’m an amateur musician

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀 @unfitz.bsky.social · 5h

Likewise. This is the last stop for me.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 6h

bsky is the end of sm line for me. starting over again on another site is about appealing as harvesting my own organs with a shrimp fork.

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀 @unfitz.bsky.social · 6h

[walks into the tire shop]

I see tread people

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 7h

Thank you for pointing out the logical fallacy in my fart joke

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 8h

if it doesn’t rain when you’re sad
that means mother nature doesn’t like you

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

Not JPo @notjpo.bsky.social · 7h

I’m like if Spirit Halloween stores were a person

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

I'mWinters✂️SerialMom @imwintersmom.bsky.social · 9h

cant you people take a fucking joke - famously never said after an actual joke.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 22h

One great thing about having a chest wound is you can walk around with a real "what are ya gonna do to me, stab me in the chest?" attitude. I'm just here to remind you that one can have two chest wounds, so you may wanna say,"What are you gonna do to me, stab me in the chest TWICE?"

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀

Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 19h

A haunted house filled with strangers asking which tattoo hurt the most

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