𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
Fugitive warlord. Indicted crypto kingpin. Disgraced former intern. Dry clean only.
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
Pinned
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
· Nov 21
Sorry, can’t. I have a family dysfunction to attend.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Trapping a raccoon to give it a really boxy haircut
November 29, 2025 at 10:19 PM
Trapping a raccoon to give it a really boxy haircut
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
People will say anything on here. “We used to be a proper country,” no we didn’t. That’s not true.
November 29, 2025 at 6:25 PM
People will say anything on here. “We used to be a proper country,” no we didn’t. That’s not true.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
If you're just going to be ridiculous I'll take my action figures and go home.
December 16, 2024 at 6:48 PM
If you're just going to be ridiculous I'll take my action figures and go home.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Caller: Hello, I'm with the show "Cold Justice" and we are investigating an unsolved triple homicide that took place in your home back in 1992. We were wondering if we could film in your home while detectives recreate the crime.
Homeowner:
Homeowner:
June 1, 2024 at 7:43 PM
Caller: Hello, I'm with the show "Cold Justice" and we are investigating an unsolved triple homicide that took place in your home back in 1992. We were wondering if we could film in your home while detectives recreate the crime.
Homeowner:
Homeowner:
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Home buyer: I want to live close to nature!
*wildlife shows up*
Home buyer: Not like that.
*wildlife shows up*
Home buyer: Not like that.
July 7, 2024 at 11:37 AM
Home buyer: I want to live close to nature!
*wildlife shows up*
Home buyer: Not like that.
*wildlife shows up*
Home buyer: Not like that.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
This day in history. 2004. Godzilla received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and, feeling a bit homesick, trampled Los Angeles's Little Tokyo.
November 29, 2023 at 10:37 AM
This day in history. 2004. Godzilla received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and, feeling a bit homesick, trampled Los Angeles's Little Tokyo.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
The only thing higher than grocery prices right now is me
November 29, 2025 at 5:09 PM
The only thing higher than grocery prices right now is me
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I can always tell the difference between a python and an anaconda because the python will eat you even if you don’t have buns
November 29, 2025 at 4:00 PM
I can always tell the difference between a python and an anaconda because the python will eat you even if you don’t have buns
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Take her shopping for his and her coffins on the first date to show how committed you are to making the relationship work.
November 29, 2025 at 4:47 PM
Take her shopping for his and her coffins on the first date to show how committed you are to making the relationship work.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
this production of Hamlet is okay i guess, though not sure about the decision to cast the Kool-Aid Man as the Ghost
November 29, 2025 at 4:50 AM
this production of Hamlet is okay i guess, though not sure about the decision to cast the Kool-Aid Man as the Ghost
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
They say they want my undivided attention, but as someone with heavy ADHD I know for a fucking fact they don’t want and couldn’t handle my undivided attention so-
November 29, 2025 at 7:33 AM
They say they want my undivided attention, but as someone with heavy ADHD I know for a fucking fact they don’t want and couldn’t handle my undivided attention so-
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Lyft and Uber have merged to form Luber.
November 29, 2025 at 1:21 PM
Lyft and Uber have merged to form Luber.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I'm not saying it's bad form but shitposting from the toilet is a little on the nose isn't it
November 29, 2025 at 1:11 AM
I'm not saying it's bad form but shitposting from the toilet is a little on the nose isn't it
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
*designs a bikini that holds chips in the top and queso in the bottom
November 29, 2025 at 12:50 AM
*designs a bikini that holds chips in the top and queso in the bottom
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I am confident usually but I will question my whole existence if a touchscreen doesn't respond to my fingie taps
November 29, 2025 at 1:47 PM
I am confident usually but I will question my whole existence if a touchscreen doesn't respond to my fingie taps
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Them: let me tell you what I would do if I were you
Me: but you aren’t me!
Me: but you aren’t me!
November 29, 2025 at 2:12 PM
Them: let me tell you what I would do if I were you
Me: but you aren’t me!
Me: but you aren’t me!
My criticism of you is always constructive.
Your criticism of me is always rude, wrong and unwelcome.
Have we got that straight?
Your criticism of me is always rude, wrong and unwelcome.
Have we got that straight?
November 29, 2025 at 2:25 PM
My criticism of you is always constructive.
Your criticism of me is always rude, wrong and unwelcome.
Have we got that straight?
Your criticism of me is always rude, wrong and unwelcome.
Have we got that straight?
“Anaconda” is derived from ancient Greek and means “without a conda.”
November 29, 2025 at 2:17 PM
“Anaconda” is derived from ancient Greek and means “without a conda.”
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
For the life of her, Chloe could not figure out how what had seemed like such a good plan, had gone so terribly, terribly wrong.
November 29, 2025 at 1:58 PM
For the life of her, Chloe could not figure out how what had seemed like such a good plan, had gone so terribly, terribly wrong.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
oh no i was peacefully watching TV and Thought Of A Post
November 29, 2025 at 3:00 AM
oh no i was peacefully watching TV and Thought Of A Post
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
"Original Van Halen Rules"
November 29, 2025 at 1:17 AM
"Original Van Halen Rules"
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
(surreptitiously passing myself off as American today for some free turkey)
November 27, 2025 at 3:27 PM
(surreptitiously passing myself off as American today for some free turkey)
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
sorry I went through your dog door and rearranged your furniture
November 29, 2025 at 2:32 AM
sorry I went through your dog door and rearranged your furniture
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Someone should start a knitting group of funny people and call them knit wits
November 29, 2025 at 3:30 AM
Someone should start a knitting group of funny people and call them knit wits