𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
Fugitive warlord. Indicted crypto kingpin. Disgraced former intern. Dry clean only.
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
Pinned
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
· Nov 21
Sorry, can’t. I have a family dysfunction to attend.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I only eat stuff with poppyseeds so I can pretend I'm eating ants.
November 30, 2025 at 2:58 AM
I only eat stuff with poppyseeds so I can pretend I'm eating ants.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
To all the elderly ladies who told me I’d be a real heartbreaker when I was 7, I have some pretty devastating news
November 29, 2025 at 3:08 PM
To all the elderly ladies who told me I’d be a real heartbreaker when I was 7, I have some pretty devastating news
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Decided to stop skeeting my feelings and start sewing them
November 30, 2025 at 4:07 AM
Decided to stop skeeting my feelings and start sewing them
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
jumping out of a cake and finding yourself inside an even larger cake
November 30, 2025 at 4:29 AM
jumping out of a cake and finding yourself inside an even larger cake
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
lolololol is also known as an internet chortle
November 30, 2025 at 7:20 AM
lolololol is also known as an internet chortle
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Me: you remind me of blue sky
Her: because I'm a free spirit?
Me: nah, need an edit button
Her: because I'm a free spirit?
Me: nah, need an edit button
November 30, 2025 at 6:31 AM
Me: you remind me of blue sky
Her: because I'm a free spirit?
Me: nah, need an edit button
Her: because I'm a free spirit?
Me: nah, need an edit button
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
squinting my eyes at writers who try and make the bad guy seem relatable
November 29, 2025 at 2:37 PM
squinting my eyes at writers who try and make the bad guy seem relatable
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
you all should just give me the password to your account so I can post good for you
November 29, 2025 at 5:56 PM
you all should just give me the password to your account so I can post good for you
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Must have rained. Streets are wet. A leg lamp illuminates a second storey window. Out in the bay a squid attacks a pirate ship. But the night clutches its secrets. This is Roku City.
November 29, 2025 at 11:38 PM
Must have rained. Streets are wet. A leg lamp illuminates a second storey window. Out in the bay a squid attacks a pirate ship. But the night clutches its secrets. This is Roku City.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Prepare to meet your maker*
*𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘳
*𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘳
May 31, 2024 at 9:33 AM
Prepare to meet your maker*
*𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘳
*𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘳
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
This day in history. 1378. English verderer Andrew Stratford verdered his last after a lifetime of dedicated verdering why not verder with some friends in his memory today?
November 30, 2023 at 10:29 AM
This day in history. 1378. English verderer Andrew Stratford verdered his last after a lifetime of dedicated verdering why not verder with some friends in his memory today?
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
On the side of a mountain in the Appalachian mountains. It's dark and cold. Ignoring the bumping on the outside wall of my bedroom. Just the wind.
November 30, 2025 at 3:50 AM
On the side of a mountain in the Appalachian mountains. It's dark and cold. Ignoring the bumping on the outside wall of my bedroom. Just the wind.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
they’re taking all the sport out of holiday shopping
November 29, 2025 at 11:30 PM
they’re taking all the sport out of holiday shopping
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
WHO ARE YOU CALLING ILLITERIT?
November 29, 2025 at 10:41 PM
WHO ARE YOU CALLING ILLITERIT?
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Trapping a raccoon to give it a really boxy haircut
November 29, 2025 at 10:19 PM
Trapping a raccoon to give it a really boxy haircut
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
People will say anything on here. “We used to be a proper country,” no we didn’t. That’s not true.
November 29, 2025 at 6:25 PM
People will say anything on here. “We used to be a proper country,” no we didn’t. That’s not true.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
If you're just going to be ridiculous I'll take my action figures and go home.
December 16, 2024 at 6:48 PM
If you're just going to be ridiculous I'll take my action figures and go home.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Caller: Hello, I'm with the show "Cold Justice" and we are investigating an unsolved triple homicide that took place in your home back in 1992. We were wondering if we could film in your home while detectives recreate the crime.
Homeowner:
Homeowner:
June 1, 2024 at 7:43 PM
Caller: Hello, I'm with the show "Cold Justice" and we are investigating an unsolved triple homicide that took place in your home back in 1992. We were wondering if we could film in your home while detectives recreate the crime.
Homeowner:
Homeowner:
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Home buyer: I want to live close to nature!
*wildlife shows up*
Home buyer: Not like that.
*wildlife shows up*
Home buyer: Not like that.
July 7, 2024 at 11:37 AM
Home buyer: I want to live close to nature!
*wildlife shows up*
Home buyer: Not like that.
*wildlife shows up*
Home buyer: Not like that.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
This day in history. 2004. Godzilla received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and, feeling a bit homesick, trampled Los Angeles's Little Tokyo.
November 29, 2023 at 10:37 AM
This day in history. 2004. Godzilla received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and, feeling a bit homesick, trampled Los Angeles's Little Tokyo.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
The only thing higher than grocery prices right now is me
November 29, 2025 at 5:09 PM
The only thing higher than grocery prices right now is me
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I can always tell the difference between a python and an anaconda because the python will eat you even if you don’t have buns
November 29, 2025 at 4:00 PM
I can always tell the difference between a python and an anaconda because the python will eat you even if you don’t have buns
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Take her shopping for his and her coffins on the first date to show how committed you are to making the relationship work.
November 29, 2025 at 4:47 PM
Take her shopping for his and her coffins on the first date to show how committed you are to making the relationship work.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
this production of Hamlet is okay i guess, though not sure about the decision to cast the Kool-Aid Man as the Ghost
November 29, 2025 at 4:50 AM
this production of Hamlet is okay i guess, though not sure about the decision to cast the Kool-Aid Man as the Ghost