Billhelm
@kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social
Platinum 🏳️🌈. 👬. 🐈dad. St-stutterer. I once had a bee stuck in my ear.
Newest: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiic6oiigjs
Tops: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiigc5sscqw
Newest: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiic6oiigjs
Tops: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiigc5sscqw
Pinned
Contrary to its name, the Emperor Penguin holds no real power.
That is reserved for the Prime Minister Penguin.
That is reserved for the Prime Minister Penguin.
Reposted by Billhelm
Avg twitter user: hello I've never experienced anything real, here's my take
November 29, 2025 at 11:31 PM
Avg twitter user: hello I've never experienced anything real, here's my take
Reposted by Billhelm
wild how mimes just wake up every day and choose violence
November 29, 2025 at 7:45 PM
wild how mimes just wake up every day and choose violence
Reposted by Billhelm
since i was little i always knew i would grow up to marry the internet
November 29, 2025 at 11:24 PM
since i was little i always knew i would grow up to marry the internet
Reposted by Billhelm
squinting my eyes at writers who try and make the bad guy seem relatable
November 29, 2025 at 2:37 PM
squinting my eyes at writers who try and make the bad guy seem relatable
Reposted by Billhelm
crazy to think that since i got lasik my baby will have perfect vision too
November 29, 2025 at 2:57 PM
crazy to think that since i got lasik my baby will have perfect vision too
Reposted by Billhelm
you all should just give me the password to your account so I can post good for you
November 29, 2025 at 5:56 PM
you all should just give me the password to your account so I can post good for you
Reposted by Billhelm
the best things in life are payable in four easy installments via klarna
November 29, 2025 at 5:51 PM
the best things in life are payable in four easy installments via klarna
I can always tell the difference between a python and an anaconda because the python will eat you even if you don’t have buns
November 29, 2025 at 4:00 PM
I can always tell the difference between a python and an anaconda because the python will eat you even if you don’t have buns
Reposted by Billhelm
“Anaconda” is derived from ancient Greek and means “without a conda.”
November 29, 2025 at 2:17 PM
“Anaconda” is derived from ancient Greek and means “without a conda.”
Reposted by Billhelm
My criticism of you is always constructive.
Your criticism of me is always rude, wrong and unwelcome.
Have we got that straight?
Your criticism of me is always rude, wrong and unwelcome.
Have we got that straight?
November 29, 2025 at 2:25 PM
My criticism of you is always constructive.
Your criticism of me is always rude, wrong and unwelcome.
Have we got that straight?
Your criticism of me is always rude, wrong and unwelcome.
Have we got that straight?
Reposted by Billhelm
been thinking about getting one of those window sills you can sit in to make my thousand yard stare a little less off-putting.
November 29, 2025 at 3:23 PM
been thinking about getting one of those window sills you can sit in to make my thousand yard stare a little less off-putting.
Reposted by Billhelm
putting tums on my pizza to save time
November 28, 2025 at 10:07 PM
putting tums on my pizza to save time
Reposted by Billhelm
we use food to woo our lovers and we call it heartburn so don't tell me tums isn't a potent aphrodisiac
November 28, 2025 at 10:05 PM
we use food to woo our lovers and we call it heartburn so don't tell me tums isn't a potent aphrodisiac
Reposted by Billhelm
happy birthday, heartburn
November 28, 2025 at 5:56 PM
happy birthday, heartburn
Reposted by Billhelm
heartburn food is so good tho
July 29, 2025 at 4:39 AM
heartburn food is so good tho
You can use your thanksgiving leftovers as pizza toppings and literally no one can stop you
November 28, 2025 at 5:29 PM
You can use your thanksgiving leftovers as pizza toppings and literally no one can stop you
After the mangoes, the womancomes
November 27, 2025 at 7:41 PM
After the mangoes, the womancomes
Reposted by Billhelm
teacher: kenya name one country in africa ?
chad: no
chad: no
November 27, 2025 at 2:53 PM
teacher: kenya name one country in africa ?
chad: no
chad: no
Reposted by Billhelm
Reposted by Billhelm
I brought dessert
November 27, 2025 at 6:06 PM
I brought dessert
Reposted by Billhelm
You must have come over on the baeflower
November 27, 2025 at 5:53 PM
You must have come over on the baeflower
Reposted by Billhelm
crazy that thanksgiving is on a thursday this year
November 27, 2025 at 6:00 PM
crazy that thanksgiving is on a thursday this year
Reposted by Billhelm
Somebody got paid to write a jingle about Crohn's Disease, and I think that's beautiful.
November 27, 2025 at 4:25 PM
Somebody got paid to write a jingle about Crohn's Disease, and I think that's beautiful.
Reposted by Billhelm
Turns out a wormhole is not how worms fuck. And now I’m banned from my kids’ science class.
November 2, 2025 at 1:33 AM
Turns out a wormhole is not how worms fuck. And now I’m banned from my kids’ science class.