@kattsdogma.bsky.social
18K followers 480 following 6K posts
it me, kd: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:bgwoouqx463ponaj5f4wy5y2/feed/aaab3vh6gtzlc
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kattsdogma.bsky.social
*2 seconds after taking my meds* oh shit did i take my meds 🤔
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sicburns2.bsky.social
Can’t right now I’m writing the AP US History textbook chapter on how democracy was saved by dancing inflatables
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ennuidoofen.bsky.social
there's this video where this little kid is running down a hill, hits the side of a car, impact makes a huge sound, kid falls down, and yells, "i'm okay!"

so anyway, I'm okay. are you okay?
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unfitz.bsky.social
Yes, by all means, autocorrect. Let’s describe me as a “long distance ruiner.”
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johncnj.bsky.social
I've really got to stop buying these generic brands. Somehow, this Hamburger Enabler just doesn't taste quite the same.
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ogskydog.com
no one should get a nobel prize until weird al gets one
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dak.myatproto.social
🎶Whoa, Black Betty🎶
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chalza.bsky.social
No, I'm not a martial arts expert. You're Kung Fusing me with someone else.
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te-kanawa.bsky.social
naked and afraid

but it's just me going pee in the middle of the night
kattsdogma.bsky.social
me, during turbulence on a flight: omg i think we’re gonna crash aaaarrrrggghhh !!

also me: i’ll have the goldfish crackers. and the plantains. thanks
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steamymac.bsky.social
There’s really no punk rock way to make a solar system out of birthday cake.
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ennuidoofen.bsky.social
One great thing about having a chest wound is you can walk around with a real "what are ya gonna do to me, stab me in the chest?" attitude. I'm just here to remind you that one can have two chest wounds, so you may wanna say,"What are you gonna do to me, stab me in the chest TWICE?"
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jimmerthatisall.bsky.social
Yes I dangled a modifier, but I did it for you.
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francesmeh.reviews
if you're in line to declare your crush on me stay in line
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uncleduke1969.bsky.social
I just felt a small, but genuine thrill when noticing we’d finally finished the awful lemon-scented hand soap in the kitchen, and it had been replaced with my favorite cherry blossom soap. It would seem that I have a favorite hand soap. Such is the rock and roll lifestyle I lead.
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saltymactavish.bsky.social
I hope your dog lives long enough to grow grizzled and cranky and wise. And if not, let them at least teach you how to live in the absolute moment 🐾
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msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social
upon my death i request to be placed in a clawfoot tub filled with marshmallows and suspended over a fire so people can make s’mores out of me
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mardigroan.bsky.social
I had an apple on the side instead of chips, in case you're looking for potential nominees for prestigious prizes.
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brickmahoney.bsky.social
"For my wellness journey" I murmur as I pour a 2lb bag of M&Ms over my face
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cosmicclau.bsky.social
technically awake but really just sleepwalking through this day because fuck it
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blobstar.bsky.social
Yeah, you're still a party animal if you sometimes want to be in bed by ten on a Saturday. Like a sloth or koala, but an animal.
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sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
bsky is the end of sm line for me. starting over again on another site is about appealing as harvesting my own organs with a shrimp fork.
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doomkick.com
The heartbreak of writing a banger, and knowing you won't be able to top it for weeks.
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gupton68.bsky.social
I just managed to fall asleep standing up so don’t tell me men don’t know how to multitask.
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hatesnicethings.bsky.social
"You can't fire me. I quit."

-disgruntled human cannonball