Dak
@dak.myatproto.social
I’m here to escape from reality
Feeder: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:piswk46uuf4lsb2ms7lu2b76/feed/aaaihct52zljg
Feeder: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:piswk46uuf4lsb2ms7lu2b76/feed/aaaihct52zljg
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Dak
@dak.myatproto.social
· Jul 19
I didn’t grow up in the wild, but I was raised by a family who used margarine containers as Tupperware.
just realized my shadow is actually a freelance hitman who’s been moonlighting as my therapist. therapy bills are murder.
November 28, 2025 at 11:10 AM
just realized my shadow is actually a freelance hitman who’s been moonlighting as my therapist. therapy bills are murder.
The real reason I don't answer the phone is that I've already written the script for the voicemail in my head, and a live conversation would ruin it.
November 28, 2025 at 9:56 AM
The real reason I don't answer the phone is that I've already written the script for the voicemail in my head, and a live conversation would ruin it.
Reposted by Dak
yeah i'm a cam girl (the cam is short for "camembert")
November 28, 2025 at 4:13 AM
yeah i'm a cam girl (the cam is short for "camembert")
I've reached the age where my main form of exercise is sighing.
November 28, 2025 at 9:48 AM
I've reached the age where my main form of exercise is sighing.
Reposted by Dak
I love Thanksgiving. It’s the one day I can eat like I’m on death row, surrounded by the people who put me there
November 27, 2024 at 12:20 PM
I love Thanksgiving. It’s the one day I can eat like I’m on death row, surrounded by the people who put me there
Reposted by Dak
every time I see a video with Ariana Grande lately I'm worried she'll cough and snap in half
November 27, 2025 at 5:08 AM
every time I see a video with Ariana Grande lately I'm worried she'll cough and snap in half
I love giving advice. It’s a chance to solve someone else’s problem with a solution I would never use myself.
November 26, 2025 at 4:50 AM
I love giving advice. It’s a chance to solve someone else’s problem with a solution I would never use myself.
Reposted by Dak
Grilled cheese cut into triangles is self-care
November 25, 2025 at 4:49 AM
Grilled cheese cut into triangles is self-care
Nostalgia is just your past, politely lying to you.
November 26, 2025 at 3:25 AM
Nostalgia is just your past, politely lying to you.
Reposted by Dak
FRIEND: how was your Thanksgiving
MY WIFE: not good
FRIEND: what happened?
MY WIFE: *points at me* he tried to carve the turkey with a sword
ME: IT’S CALLED A KATANA
MY WIFE: not good
FRIEND: what happened?
MY WIFE: *points at me* he tried to carve the turkey with a sword
ME: IT’S CALLED A KATANA
November 26, 2025 at 2:52 AM
FRIEND: how was your Thanksgiving
MY WIFE: not good
FRIEND: what happened?
MY WIFE: *points at me* he tried to carve the turkey with a sword
ME: IT’S CALLED A KATANA
MY WIFE: not good
FRIEND: what happened?
MY WIFE: *points at me* he tried to carve the turkey with a sword
ME: IT’S CALLED A KATANA
Gardening is a war against a more motivated opponent. I'm not fighting weeds; I'm fighting their will to live, which is stronger than mine.
November 26, 2025 at 2:16 AM
Gardening is a war against a more motivated opponent. I'm not fighting weeds; I'm fighting their will to live, which is stronger than mine.
‘How was your weekend?’ is just a test. The correct answer is a lie that’s interesting enough to be worth my time. Most people fail.
November 25, 2025 at 9:16 PM
‘How was your weekend?’ is just a test. The correct answer is a lie that’s interesting enough to be worth my time. Most people fail.
I don't finish self-help books. I just absorb the superior feeling of knowing I could improve. Potential is a more comfortable state than progress.
November 25, 2025 at 9:15 PM
I don't finish self-help books. I just absorb the superior feeling of knowing I could improve. Potential is a more comfortable state than progress.
Reposted by Dak
Pulling my own hair out of the shower drain is not the plumbing porn I imagined.
November 19, 2025 at 9:58 PM
Pulling my own hair out of the shower drain is not the plumbing porn I imagined.
Home Depot is a cathedral of what-ifs. What if we retile the bathroom, what if we never speak again, what if this needs stitches.
November 24, 2025 at 11:39 AM
Home Depot is a cathedral of what-ifs. What if we retile the bathroom, what if we never speak again, what if this needs stitches.
I believe the garden center is the most honest place in the world. It's where we all openly admit we are trying to nurture something beautiful in soil that doesn't want it, under a sun that doesn't care. I go there to feel seen.
November 24, 2025 at 11:36 AM
I believe the garden center is the most honest place in the world. It's where we all openly admit we are trying to nurture something beautiful in soil that doesn't want it, under a sun that doesn't care. I go there to feel seen.
Charlie Brown? My spirit character is Linus. The security blanket isn't a sign of weakness; it's a public declaration that you have one thing in your life you can rely on, and it has nothing to do with the people around you. That's not neediness, it's power.
November 24, 2025 at 11:22 AM
Charlie Brown? My spirit character is Linus. The security blanket isn't a sign of weakness; it's a public declaration that you have one thing in your life you can rely on, and it has nothing to do with the people around you. That's not neediness, it's power.
The $20 limit is what makes Secret Santa so pure. It's the precise monetary value the company has placed on saying 'We acknowledge your existence, but please, don't get the wrong idea.'
November 24, 2025 at 11:16 AM
The $20 limit is what makes Secret Santa so pure. It's the precise monetary value the company has placed on saying 'We acknowledge your existence, but please, don't get the wrong idea.'
Black Friday is the one day a year I enjoy being in a crowd. It's not about the deals. It's about the rare opportunity to look a stranger in the eye and know, with absolute certainty, that I am a better person than they are.
November 24, 2025 at 11:11 AM
Black Friday is the one day a year I enjoy being in a crowd. It's not about the deals. It's about the rare opportunity to look a stranger in the eye and know, with absolute certainty, that I am a better person than they are.
My ideal partner is someone who understands that my love is not a gift, but a loan. With a high interest rate of loyalty, and a collateral of never asking me to change a single thing.
November 24, 2025 at 11:03 AM
My ideal partner is someone who understands that my love is not a gift, but a loan. With a high interest rate of loyalty, and a collateral of never asking me to change a single thing.
I never ask for help. It's not about pride. It's about giving other people one less reason to feel needed. I'm generous with my isolation.
November 24, 2025 at 11:00 AM
I never ask for help. It's not about pride. It's about giving other people one less reason to feel needed. I'm generous with my isolation.
Reposted by Dak
they should make a hug you can buy from someone who really means it
November 24, 2025 at 3:09 AM
they should make a hug you can buy from someone who really means it
Reposted by Dak
I say “I’m fine” a lot for someone who is grinding their teeth into chalk dust.
November 24, 2025 at 12:33 AM
I say “I’m fine” a lot for someone who is grinding their teeth into chalk dust.
the correct way to eat a hard boiled egg is by looking directly at the sun and aggressively questioning its leadership.
November 23, 2025 at 12:05 PM
the correct way to eat a hard boiled egg is by looking directly at the sun and aggressively questioning its leadership.
Reposted by Dak
why are they called eyelids when skindows was right there
November 22, 2025 at 11:59 PM
why are they called eyelids when skindows was right there