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Dak

@dak.myatproto.social

35K followers 1.3K following 440 posts

I’m here to escape from reality Feeder: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:piswk46uuf4lsb2ms7lu2b76/feed/aaaihct52zljg

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Dak @dak.myatproto.social · Jul 19

I didn’t grow up in the wild, but I was raised by a family who used margarine containers as Tupperware.

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Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 2d

🎶Whoa, Black Betty🎶

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canadian blondii ︎✌🏼 @savageblondii.bsky.social · 3h

here to remind you:

you have value

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Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 3h

The 'low battery' warning at 10% is the system's first stage of grief. It has not yet reached acceptance.

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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 8h

me, during turbulence on a flight: omg i think we’re gonna crash aaaarrrrggghhh !!

also me: i’ll have the goldfish crackers. and the plantains. thanks

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 12h

there's this video where this little kid is running down a hill, hits the side of a car, impact makes a huge sound, kid falls down, and yells, "i'm okay!"

so anyway, I'm okay. are you okay?

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Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 8h

The 'read' receipt is not a notification. It is a verdict.

Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 9h

My two-factor authentication code arrived with the urgency of a letter sent by medieval post.

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Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 17h

Please. Take these posts as serious.

Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 18h

The self-checkout machine that requires a staff approval for a single banana is proof the digital economy hates simple fruit.

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Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 1d

Last night I dreamt I met God but he teased me about wetting the bed

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 1d

One great thing about having a chest wound is you can walk around with a real "what are ya gonna do to me, stab me in the chest?" attitude. I'm just here to remind you that one can have two chest wounds, so you may wanna say,"What are you gonna do to me, stab me in the chest TWICE?"

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Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 2d

🎶Whoa, Black Betty🎶

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Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 2d

I only check my retirement fund balance to find creative, new ways to justify the fact that I will be working until I am physically transparent.

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AnnaMolly will typo @anna-molly.bsky.social · 2d

The Sixth Sense, but it’s just me writing skeets that no one sees

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Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 2d

I’ve finally accepted that my only true hobby is staring blankly at the ceiling and contemplating the crushing weight of minor personal errands.

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 3d

My most hilarious posts get the fewest likes, it’s science.

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Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 3d

Opening a bank statement feels less like finance and more like a surprise archaeological dig of my worst decisions.

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weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 3d

They're torching your ass in brûlée chat

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Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 3d

I just had a neighbor ask "how are you." The social negotiation required to produce a concise, non-committal answer has depleted my energy for the next two fiscal quarters.

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Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 3d

My boss asked me to ‘circle back’ on something and I instantly melted into a cloud of corporate compliance and buzzword conformity. Now I’m part of the office heating and ventilation system.

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Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 3d

Inflation is so bad, I’m convinced the only thing still underpriced is my own labor.

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Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 4d

Officially taken “living the dream” out of my vernacular

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 4d

this isn’t the right time to discuss anything ever

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Frances "Are You Scared Yet" Meh @francesmeh.reviews · 4d

ftr i would absolutely hurt a fly but only if we'd set a safe word in advance

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