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@gupton68.bsky.social
Your Humble Narrator
the man, the myth, the bellend
my BS bs: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3bnoyda3i7sv7k6p3vzmjtvj/feed/aaadqbbtnlfxy
my top bs: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3bnoyda3i7sv7k6p3vzmjtvj/feed/aaahguixerquo
the man, the myth, the bellend
my BS bs: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3bnoyda3i7sv7k6p3vzmjtvj/feed/aaadqbbtnlfxy
my top bs: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3bnoyda3i7sv7k6p3vzmjtvj/feed/aaahguixerquo
Pinned
bacon popsicle 🪦
@gupton68.bsky.social
· Dec 11
What I like most about BlueSky is how on twitter I always felt like I was an outsider looking in and I do here too, so it really feels just like home.
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Laughter is the best weapon in the fight against a world filled with hate and tragedy, fear and loathing, despair and duck billed platypuses.
December 21, 2024 at 1:25 PM
Laughter is the best weapon in the fight against a world filled with hate and tragedy, fear and loathing, despair and duck billed platypuses.
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[Galilee AD17, around dinner time]
Mary: you are not going out until your room’s tidy
Jesus: aw mom, dad said I can be messy
Joseph: nice try son, I said you may well be the Messiah but you can still clean your room
Jesus: I hate you, you’re not even my real dad!
Mary: you are not going out until your room’s tidy
Jesus: aw mom, dad said I can be messy
Joseph: nice try son, I said you may well be the Messiah but you can still clean your room
Jesus: I hate you, you’re not even my real dad!
January 5, 2025 at 2:24 PM
[Galilee AD17, around dinner time]
Mary: you are not going out until your room’s tidy
Jesus: aw mom, dad said I can be messy
Joseph: nice try son, I said you may well be the Messiah but you can still clean your room
Jesus: I hate you, you’re not even my real dad!
Mary: you are not going out until your room’s tidy
Jesus: aw mom, dad said I can be messy
Joseph: nice try son, I said you may well be the Messiah but you can still clean your room
Jesus: I hate you, you’re not even my real dad!
Reposted by bacon popsicle 🪦
Edison’s notes were full of typos because he hated AC so much and refused to use it.
June 6, 2025 at 12:01 PM
Edison’s notes were full of typos because he hated AC so much and refused to use it.
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A scintilla and an iota walk into a bar but they leave because they hate small talk.
January 11, 2025 at 1:25 PM
A scintilla and an iota walk into a bar but they leave because they hate small talk.
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This day in history. 25 BC. Eve of the Immaculate Conception referring to the conception of Mary not Jesus but it's papal bull either way.
December 7, 2023 at 10:40 AM
This day in history. 25 BC. Eve of the Immaculate Conception referring to the conception of Mary not Jesus but it's papal bull either way.
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but all the followers and likes in the world won’t amount to a single additional mourner at your funeral.
December 6, 2025 at 3:23 PM
I don’t know who needs to hear this but all the followers and likes in the world won’t amount to a single additional mourner at your funeral.
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This is my weed vape. There are many like it but this one is mine. My vape is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me my vape is useless. Without my vape, I am useless.
December 5, 2025 at 11:14 PM
This is my weed vape. There are many like it but this one is mine. My vape is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me my vape is useless. Without my vape, I am useless.
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maybe if we have a bake sale like on the Brady Bunch we can buy back the government
December 6, 2025 at 3:43 AM
maybe if we have a bake sale like on the Brady Bunch we can buy back the government
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How the Grinch rocked you like a hurricane
December 6, 2025 at 11:44 PM
How the Grinch rocked you like a hurricane
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You gotta get up pretty early in the morning if you want to be as tired as me.
December 6, 2025 at 2:09 PM
You gotta get up pretty early in the morning if you want to be as tired as me.
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My wife said the other wives were impressed that I was responsible for getting the kids’ Xmas gifts.. and that we have weekly family discussions at brunch to talk about the calendar, etc.
Like, is the bar that low or is my wife’s church book club members all married to a bunch of dummies?
Like, is the bar that low or is my wife’s church book club members all married to a bunch of dummies?
December 6, 2025 at 5:05 PM
My wife said the other wives were impressed that I was responsible for getting the kids’ Xmas gifts.. and that we have weekly family discussions at brunch to talk about the calendar, etc.
Like, is the bar that low or is my wife’s church book club members all married to a bunch of dummies?
Like, is the bar that low or is my wife’s church book club members all married to a bunch of dummies?
Reposted by bacon popsicle 🪦
hyping myself up, let’s fucking gooooo (to the store)
December 6, 2025 at 10:50 PM
hyping myself up, let’s fucking gooooo (to the store)
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should i put up my xmas decorations today ?
(1) yes its time
(b) no you’re jewish
(%) idc i don’t even follow you
(&) is this a poll? i hate polls
(1) yes its time
(b) no you’re jewish
(%) idc i don’t even follow you
(&) is this a poll? i hate polls
December 1, 2025 at 5:08 PM
should i put up my xmas decorations today ?
(1) yes its time
(b) no you’re jewish
(%) idc i don’t even follow you
(&) is this a poll? i hate polls
(1) yes its time
(b) no you’re jewish
(%) idc i don’t even follow you
(&) is this a poll? i hate polls
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6th of December and I have yet to hear Andy Williams sing Happy Holidays.
This is absolute bullshit.
This is absolute bullshit.
December 7, 2025 at 4:10 AM
6th of December and I have yet to hear Andy Williams sing Happy Holidays.
This is absolute bullshit.
This is absolute bullshit.
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I don't always follow back but I do always block back.
December 7, 2025 at 1:20 AM
I don't always follow back but I do always block back.
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It's not me, it's not you.
It's a secret third person.
It's a secret third person.
December 5, 2025 at 8:03 PM
It's not me, it's not you.
It's a secret third person.
It's a secret third person.
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Get in loser. I'm a loser. You're a loser. This is our strength. We lose together.
December 7, 2025 at 6:00 AM
Get in loser. I'm a loser. You're a loser. This is our strength. We lose together.
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The google search started out making sense. It ended up at:
"Her skal jeg vente til du kommer igjen"
I may have blacked out for a bit in the middle.
"Her skal jeg vente til du kommer igjen"
I may have blacked out for a bit in the middle.
December 7, 2025 at 12:36 AM
The google search started out making sense. It ended up at:
"Her skal jeg vente til du kommer igjen"
I may have blacked out for a bit in the middle.
"Her skal jeg vente til du kommer igjen"
I may have blacked out for a bit in the middle.
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🎶hold me closer, tiny dancer,
hold me closer, tiny dasher,
hold me closer, tiny prancer,
hold me closer, tiny vixen,
hold me closer, tiny comet,
hold me closer, tiny cupid,
hold me closer, tiny donner,
hold me closer, tiny blitzen
hold me closer, tiny dasher,
hold me closer, tiny prancer,
hold me closer, tiny vixen,
hold me closer, tiny comet,
hold me closer, tiny cupid,
hold me closer, tiny donner,
hold me closer, tiny blitzen
December 2, 2025 at 9:54 PM
🎶hold me closer, tiny dancer,
hold me closer, tiny dasher,
hold me closer, tiny prancer,
hold me closer, tiny vixen,
hold me closer, tiny comet,
hold me closer, tiny cupid,
hold me closer, tiny donner,
hold me closer, tiny blitzen
hold me closer, tiny dasher,
hold me closer, tiny prancer,
hold me closer, tiny vixen,
hold me closer, tiny comet,
hold me closer, tiny cupid,
hold me closer, tiny donner,
hold me closer, tiny blitzen
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Mr. Darcy's hand flex but it's my hand after seeing Cinnabon.
December 7, 2025 at 8:11 AM
Mr. Darcy's hand flex but it's my hand after seeing Cinnabon.
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I would listen to my inner voice more often if it didn't just go on and on before getting to the point.
June 5, 2025 at 12:44 AM
I would listen to my inner voice more often if it didn't just go on and on before getting to the point.
Reposted by bacon popsicle 🪦
Reposted by bacon popsicle 🪦
If you hold a conch shell up to your ear and listen really closely you’ll hear a hermit crab burrowing into your skull and then start to drive you like a crustacean Remy the Rat.
June 4, 2025 at 11:40 AM
If you hold a conch shell up to your ear and listen really closely you’ll hear a hermit crab burrowing into your skull and then start to drive you like a crustacean Remy the Rat.
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[Parisian restaurant, breakfast]
me: I hear that you do the best toasted cheese & ham sandwich in all Paris, here
server: that’s a croque monsieur
me: oh that’s a shame, I’ll just have a croissant instead then please
me: I hear that you do the best toasted cheese & ham sandwich in all Paris, here
server: that’s a croque monsieur
me: oh that’s a shame, I’ll just have a croissant instead then please
November 8, 2023 at 12:09 PM
[Parisian restaurant, breakfast]
me: I hear that you do the best toasted cheese & ham sandwich in all Paris, here
server: that’s a croque monsieur
me: oh that’s a shame, I’ll just have a croissant instead then please
me: I hear that you do the best toasted cheese & ham sandwich in all Paris, here
server: that’s a croque monsieur
me: oh that’s a shame, I’ll just have a croissant instead then please
Reposted by bacon popsicle 🪦
Just like my dear old gran used to say ‘if you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter’
December 6, 2025 at 5:29 PM
Just like my dear old gran used to say ‘if you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter’