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Danny

@mardigroan.bsky.social

6.1K followers 720 following 2.8K posts

My writing's been found on food shopping lists & mini golf scores My Bluesky tweets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:aiszm5s7rajxmnj5t35tm4qh/feed/aaadebecxn2si

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Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 12d

The assistant to Dr. Frankenstein didn't fully understand mentally or morally what they were up to in making the monster. But sometimes Igor-ance is bliss.

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Bigthinkingcap @bigthinkingcap.bsky.social · 20d

Move along darling I'm not the nightmare you're looking for..

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All Hallows Hattie @feralhattie.bsky.social · 3h

akin to man’s discovery of fire, we should never have been granted the trick to making whipped cream at home

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maura quint @mauraquint.bsky.social · 3h

hey does international air work the same was an international waters? the guy next to me on this flight is snorting loudly every 8 minutes and I need to know what laws I may be subject to when I lose it

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Matty @bestestname.bsky.social · 1d

I would like to apologize to both Bushes for saying they were the worst president ever

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Fomonster Simpson 🎃 @haliphacks.bsky.social · 6d

*roll call in a classroom*

Teacher: Brody?

Brody: Here.

Teacher: Hailey?

Hailey: Here.

Teacher: 1980s German glam metal band Scorpions?

Scorpions: Here I am, rock you like a hurricane.

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 1d

"You can't fire me. I quit."

-disgruntled human cannonball

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jordan @jordangerous.bsky.social · 9h

You can be discontent in any season. I don’t give a fuck what Richard III says.

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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 9h

me, during turbulence on a flight: omg i think we’re gonna crash aaaarrrrggghhh !!

also me: i’ll have the goldfish crackers. and the plantains. thanks

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Jenny Doesn’t Know @jennydoesntknow.bsky.social · 11h

I did the laundry.
One small step for Jen, one giant leap for Jenkind.

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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 8d

Does this fanny pack make my ass look lame?

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mean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 11h

I am at a kid birthday party and this kid has such a well-publicized affinity for Canada geese that every attendee so far has arrived with a handmade card with a drawing of one because, as I found out, it's hard to find a birthday card featuring them

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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 12h

No, I'm not a martial arts expert. You're Kung Fusing me with someone else.

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Bigthinkingcap @bigthinkingcap.bsky.social · 11d

you’ve some nerve telling me I can do better when I gave you my best

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Rob Cee @therobcee.bsky.social · 13h

Gronk, out of his mind with excitement, misguidedly destroying a Lane Bryant location with his bare hands to spread breast cancer awareness.

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Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 13h

There are smart phones and even smart water. I need smart pants to let me know when I accidentally left my fly open.

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Americans for Tax Fairness @4taxfairness.bsky.social · 15h

They're putting someone unqualified in charge at IRS.

Why?

If they break the government, you'll believe the government is broken.

That makes it easier for them to eliminate all the important things government does for us—including making billionaires pay their fair share.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 18h

Yes I dangled a modifier, but I did it for you.

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RM @dorsalstream.bsky.social · 15h

Thinking today of the Headless Horseman, who must be so frustrated by people dwelling on what he lacks at the expense of all the many things he has.

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mike @staykinduniverse.swifties.social · 18h

made a thing.

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Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 18h

Autocorrect automatically adds imaginary when I type "friend."

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 1d

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
For if I die before I wake
I pray the third Paul Blart they make.

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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 16h

Each time I drink blue food coloring, something inside me dyes.

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Stace Fiction @girlawhirl.bsky.social · 16h

Baby are you a spare tire because you look kinda wonky & I don’t know how to change you.

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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 16h

Cherry blossom soap is no lathering matter.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 16h

I just felt a small, but genuine thrill when noticing we’d finally finished the awful lemon-scented hand soap in the kitchen, and it had been replaced with my favorite cherry blossom soap. It would seem that I have a favorite hand soap. Such is the rock and roll lifestyle I lead.

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