𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
Fugitive warlord. Indicted crypto kingpin. Disgraced former intern. Dry clean only.
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
Pinned
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
· Oct 11
I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
warby parker sounds like an asshole kid at a boarding school
November 9, 2025 at 6:39 PM
warby parker sounds like an asshole kid at a boarding school
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
When they used to pick ppl for teams in gym I’d just disappear & walk around the halls, find teachers on break & ask how the fam was doin
November 10, 2025 at 1:37 PM
When they used to pick ppl for teams in gym I’d just disappear & walk around the halls, find teachers on break & ask how the fam was doin
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
“I brought a couple of friends, I hope that’s cool.”
November 10, 2025 at 2:13 PM
“I brought a couple of friends, I hope that’s cool.”
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Great work Dems I take back all that stuff I chanted with megaphone guy at the No kings rally
November 10, 2025 at 1:18 PM
Great work Dems I take back all that stuff I chanted with megaphone guy at the No kings rally
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
woke up still so furious that during my morning run i stopped to pop some car tires with my teeth
November 10, 2025 at 12:46 PM
woke up still so furious that during my morning run i stopped to pop some car tires with my teeth
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Chuck Schumer has a poster of Lucy pulling the football away at the last second while Charlie Brown misses again as inspiration for everything he does.
November 9, 2025 at 11:58 PM
Chuck Schumer has a poster of Lucy pulling the football away at the last second while Charlie Brown misses again as inspiration for everything he does.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
chat better stay hydrated, the list of graves to piss on is only getting longer
November 10, 2025 at 4:10 AM
chat better stay hydrated, the list of graves to piss on is only getting longer
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
You're making a mountain out of a molehill here. Are you familiar with molehills? They're quite small. Ok, picture a tempest in a teapot. A tempest is like a big storm but teapots? Small as a molehill.
November 10, 2025 at 3:42 AM
You're making a mountain out of a molehill here. Are you familiar with molehills? They're quite small. Ok, picture a tempest in a teapot. A tempest is like a big storm but teapots? Small as a molehill.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
slipping a thanksgiving ham under my dress and telling people i’m all sweaty bc i’m in labor
November 9, 2025 at 10:44 PM
slipping a thanksgiving ham under my dress and telling people i’m all sweaty bc i’m in labor
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
A jury of my peers? 12 emotionally available sweethearts?!
November 10, 2025 at 12:56 PM
A jury of my peers? 12 emotionally available sweethearts?!
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I've started going grocery shopping at 6 am when the store opens. There's no crowds. Just me and a bunch of old people... wait... omg IM AN OLD PEOPLE NOW
November 10, 2025 at 12:15 PM
I've started going grocery shopping at 6 am when the store opens. There's no crowds. Just me and a bunch of old people... wait... omg IM AN OLD PEOPLE NOW
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
There is no situation in which full scale nudity with the exception of socks is fashionable.
This is a hill I will die on.
This is a hill I will die on.
November 10, 2025 at 12:26 PM
There is no situation in which full scale nudity with the exception of socks is fashionable.
This is a hill I will die on.
This is a hill I will die on.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Hey Friends, if you're looking for comedy, I've got you covered
November 10, 2025 at 12:40 PM
Hey Friends, if you're looking for comedy, I've got you covered
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
this is my raven go quoth your own
November 9, 2025 at 8:57 PM
this is my raven go quoth your own
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
If you’ve dated more than one Walter you’re letting them Walts right into your life.
November 9, 2025 at 2:32 PM
If you’ve dated more than one Walter you’re letting them Walts right into your life.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
White people be like I’ll flip you for it
November 10, 2025 at 4:16 AM
White people be like I’ll flip you for it
Don’t try a trust fall with democrats in the senate unless you have a great chiropractor.
November 10, 2025 at 10:53 AM
Don’t try a trust fall with democrats in the senate unless you have a great chiropractor.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I wasn't 𝓽𝓻𝔂𝓲𝓷𝓰 to seduce you, I just have no regrets if I did
November 10, 2025 at 12:32 AM
I wasn't 𝓽𝓻𝔂𝓲𝓷𝓰 to seduce you, I just have no regrets if I did
7: Fire is magic.
Me: No, it’s science.
7: OK, then, what’s fire made of?
Me: Um…
7: 🎵𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘔𝘈𝘈𝘈𝘈𝘎𝘐𝘊🎵
Me: No, it’s science.
7: OK, then, what’s fire made of?
Me: Um…
7: 🎵𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘔𝘈𝘈𝘈𝘈𝘎𝘐𝘊🎵
November 10, 2025 at 10:26 AM
7: Fire is magic.
Me: No, it’s science.
7: OK, then, what’s fire made of?
Me: Um…
7: 🎵𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘔𝘈𝘈𝘈𝘈𝘎𝘐𝘊🎵
Me: No, it’s science.
7: OK, then, what’s fire made of?
Me: Um…
7: 🎵𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘔𝘈𝘈𝘈𝘈𝘎𝘐𝘊🎵
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
This day in history. 1917. The new Russian government under Lenin suspended freedom of the press temporarily for let me check exactly 106 years so far.
November 10, 2023 at 10:36 AM
This day in history. 1917. The new Russian government under Lenin suspended freedom of the press temporarily for let me check exactly 106 years so far.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
If you’re seeing this post, it’s a sign from the Universe to do that thing you’ve been avoiding: Seeing this post.
November 10, 2025 at 9:28 AM
If you’re seeing this post, it’s a sign from the Universe to do that thing you’ve been avoiding: Seeing this post.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Holiday decorating tip I saw yesterday: Repurpose your jack o'lantern and make it festive by adding a Santa hat or poinsettias.
Me: Nothing screams Christmas 2025 like a moldy pumpkin with a hat.
Me: Nothing screams Christmas 2025 like a moldy pumpkin with a hat.
November 10, 2025 at 4:09 AM
Holiday decorating tip I saw yesterday: Repurpose your jack o'lantern and make it festive by adding a Santa hat or poinsettias.
Me: Nothing screams Christmas 2025 like a moldy pumpkin with a hat.
Me: Nothing screams Christmas 2025 like a moldy pumpkin with a hat.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
sometimes i get all sentimental about the human race but then i talk to some of them and it’s like oh yeah right
November 9, 2025 at 7:51 PM
sometimes i get all sentimental about the human race but then i talk to some of them and it’s like oh yeah right
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
finally getting braces for my vagina dentata
November 9, 2025 at 11:51 PM
finally getting braces for my vagina dentata
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
They stopped making pennies. Now what am I going to throw at people who try to talk to me?
November 9, 2025 at 11:31 PM
They stopped making pennies. Now what am I going to throw at people who try to talk to me?