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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 4h

An umpire dusting off the toilet seat with a little broom before sitting down.

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Pasta Fazool @christopherdowning.bsky.social · 21d

I once saw a drunk bee. Okay, maybe he was just buzzing.

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Barphbie ™ @mslaura.bsky.social · 1d

Are two crows an attempted murder?

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Miss Havishambles @misshavishambles.bsky.social · 8h

Just made a lot of minestrone, a maxestrone in fact.

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 23h

I prefer organic butlers, not man maid.

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 1d

Unisex is short for unicorn sex.

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grilled cheese 🧀 @grilldcheese.bsky.social · 4d

i quit pumpkin spice i'm on the patch

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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · Oct 9

[forest]
ME: omg there’s a wolf
WIFE: where?
ME: no the regular kind

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 3d

Cheers

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · Dec 7

Cookie Monster quietly unwrapping a package of cookies during his murder trial

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Midge @midge.bsky.social · 3d

People over 40 watching birds at the bird feeder

Picture of a crowd going wild with enthusiasm

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 3d

Why plastic fruit and not a bananequin.

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 3d

The short answer, no. The long answer, hell no.

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 3d

The idea that I’d share my fries is side splitting.

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 4d

CRIMINAL: are you wearing a wire?

ME: *secretly wearing my wife’s bra* how did you know?

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 6d

this is what you get when you soak a german shepherd in mountain dew

Smiling chihuahua with black and tan shepherd coloring, bug eyes and missing front tooth.

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 6d

Here’s a list of people who can throw a ball farther than me:

1: everyone

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 6d

Wait, I can cha-cha real smoother.

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Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social · 7d

Me: I wish I was the most beautiful person in the world.
Genie: done
Me: *looking in mirror* But I still look the same...
Genie: Just wait until you see everybody else.

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 7d

[eating cookies at the library]

Sir, is that snack nut free?

Not that it’s any of your business but I definitely didn’t jizz in this batch.

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 8d

[emerging from a ball pit, levitating with several balls orbiting around me]

You’re going to regret throwing that, Brandon

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presentdead🙋🏻‍♂️👻 @lacroixboi.dadguy.help · 9d

the tumble setting on a dryer can be used to make cement but only once

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Dak @dak.myatproto.social · 8d

Family vacations were just us standing in a parking lot eating ketchup packets. ‘Imagine it’s France,’ Dad mumbled, crying into a napkin.

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Sean Leahy @thepunningman.bsky.social · Dec 2

"The bond's Name. James Name"
Pleased to... what?
"Bond Name's the james"
Are you alright?
"Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance"

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𝙣𝙖𝙥𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙤𝙣 𝙫𝙚𝙜𝙚𝙢𝙞𝙩𝙚™ @napveg.bsky.social · 9d

me, after a one night stand:

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