*gets insulted* wow wait till I google what that means.
November 21, 2025 at 12:02 AM
*gets insulted* wow wait till I google what that means.
Reposted by Little Greenis
Last night, I was bitten by a radioactive lawyer and woke up with power of attorney.
November 18, 2025 at 2:19 PM
Last night, I was bitten by a radioactive lawyer and woke up with power of attorney.
Reposted by Little Greenis
my cat is going through a divorce, but I know he’ll land on his feet
November 6, 2025 at 1:20 AM
my cat is going through a divorce, but I know he’ll land on his feet
Reposted by Little Greenis
May all your holes find glory this holiday season
November 7, 2025 at 10:48 PM
May all your holes find glory this holiday season
“Nut Cracker” sounds like something my girlfriend would yell at me mid sex.
November 20, 2025 at 5:59 PM
“Nut Cracker” sounds like something my girlfriend would yell at me mid sex.
Reposted by Little Greenis
It's nearly impossible to make a living entertaining children in a sewer since Stephen king's "It"
October 31, 2025 at 11:02 PM
It's nearly impossible to make a living entertaining children in a sewer since Stephen king's "It"
Reposted by Little Greenis
draw me like one of your conclusions
November 18, 2025 at 4:23 PM
draw me like one of your conclusions
Reposted by Little Greenis
Fire Marshal: "There are too many kung fu fighters in here"
November 16, 2025 at 2:17 AM
Fire Marshal: "There are too many kung fu fighters in here"
Reposted by Little Greenis
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion
December 2, 2024 at 12:45 AM
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion
Reposted by Little Greenis
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
November 18, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
Reposted by Little Greenis
Celebrating International Men's Day by Googling “boobs” and punching a hole in the wall
November 19, 2025 at 2:12 PM
Celebrating International Men's Day by Googling “boobs” and punching a hole in the wall
Reposted by Little Greenis
“This isn’t funny, Frank. Turn the lights back on.”
November 17, 2025 at 6:16 PM
“This isn’t funny, Frank. Turn the lights back on.”
[willow naming committee]
BOSS: ok, what do we have so far?
PERSON ON THE COMMITTEE: *having a bad day* I call this one a weeping willow, this one is a pussy willow…THIS ONE HERE IS A STUPID ASS BITCH WILLOW…
BOSS: Johnson, can I see you in my office..
BOSS: ok, what do we have so far?
PERSON ON THE COMMITTEE: *having a bad day* I call this one a weeping willow, this one is a pussy willow…THIS ONE HERE IS A STUPID ASS BITCH WILLOW…
BOSS: Johnson, can I see you in my office..
November 18, 2025 at 4:10 PM
[willow naming committee]
BOSS: ok, what do we have so far?
PERSON ON THE COMMITTEE: *having a bad day* I call this one a weeping willow, this one is a pussy willow…THIS ONE HERE IS A STUPID ASS BITCH WILLOW…
BOSS: Johnson, can I see you in my office..
BOSS: ok, what do we have so far?
PERSON ON THE COMMITTEE: *having a bad day* I call this one a weeping willow, this one is a pussy willow…THIS ONE HERE IS A STUPID ASS BITCH WILLOW…
BOSS: Johnson, can I see you in my office..
Reposted by Little Greenis
[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit
September 26, 2025 at 12:40 PM
[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit
Reposted by Little Greenis
[inhales helium from balloon] Your mom and I are getting a divorce
December 16, 2024 at 3:42 AM
[inhales helium from balloon] Your mom and I are getting a divorce
Reposted by Little Greenis
[abruptly stops my nunchuck routine] I do.
October 15, 2025 at 1:29 PM
[abruptly stops my nunchuck routine] I do.
Reposted by Little Greenis
My wife doesn’t know about my secret second family (raccoons) that I visit while I’m traveling (in the woods)
August 2, 2024 at 8:17 PM
My wife doesn’t know about my secret second family (raccoons) that I visit while I’m traveling (in the woods)
This Chinese menu is all that and dim sum.
November 17, 2025 at 5:02 PM
This Chinese menu is all that and dim sum.
Planning a trip to Jupiter to prove that boys can’t get any stupider.
November 16, 2025 at 3:25 PM
Planning a trip to Jupiter to prove that boys can’t get any stupider.
Reposted by Little Greenis
Cashier: your receipt is in the bag
Me: thanks, you too
Me: thanks, you too
January 13, 2025 at 3:43 AM
Cashier: your receipt is in the bag
Me: thanks, you too
Me: thanks, you too
Reposted by Little Greenis
As I get older and I remember all of the people I lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me
September 3, 2024 at 2:21 PM
As I get older and I remember all of the people I lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me
Roses are red
Rhyming is difficult
Dammit
Rhyming is difficult
Dammit
November 15, 2025 at 6:16 PM
Roses are red
Rhyming is difficult
Dammit
Rhyming is difficult
Dammit
Reposted by Little Greenis
POLICE OFFICER [reading me my rights]: Anything you say can and will be held against you
ME: …boobies
ME: …boobies
November 10, 2025 at 3:01 PM
POLICE OFFICER [reading me my rights]: Anything you say can and will be held against you
ME: …boobies
ME: …boobies
Reposted by Little Greenis
I met a weird girl and within 20 minutes she had me eating nerd clusters straight from her hand like a horse
November 14, 2025 at 2:19 PM
I met a weird girl and within 20 minutes she had me eating nerd clusters straight from her hand like a horse
COWORKER: do anything fun with the family this weekend?
ME: yeah, went to an art museum.
COWORKER: did you take any pictures?
ME: no, we left them on the walls.
ME: yeah, went to an art museum.
COWORKER: did you take any pictures?
ME: no, we left them on the walls.
November 15, 2025 at 12:09 AM
COWORKER: do anything fun with the family this weekend?
ME: yeah, went to an art museum.
COWORKER: did you take any pictures?
ME: no, we left them on the walls.
ME: yeah, went to an art museum.
COWORKER: did you take any pictures?
ME: no, we left them on the walls.