CynicalTherapist
@cynicaltherapist.bsky.social
LMFT-LADAC Witch, Addictions Expert, Not your therapist. Both traumatized and trauma informed.
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3brg3tkarfmhgddu4pmgjbkq/feed/aaapaaog6d5h4
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3brg3tkarfmhgddu4pmgjbkq/feed/aaapaaog6d5h4
Pinned
**Snorting lines of hot chocolate and sharpening candy canes to prepare for the war on Christmas.
Sit me next to the folks who can talk openly about Bigfoot being an interdimensional being that can teleport *only*.
November 29, 2025 at 7:41 AM
Sit me next to the folks who can talk openly about Bigfoot being an interdimensional being that can teleport *only*.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
no, this is my emergency caucasian dinner invite hot sauce
November 29, 2025 at 12:35 AM
no, this is my emergency caucasian dinner invite hot sauce
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
You will always hold a special place in my delusions.
November 28, 2025 at 10:09 PM
You will always hold a special place in my delusions.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Me: So like, did you get bitten by a piano?
Billy Joel: Don't ever speak to me again.
Billy Joel: Don't ever speak to me again.
November 28, 2025 at 9:52 PM
Me: So like, did you get bitten by a piano?
Billy Joel: Don't ever speak to me again.
Billy Joel: Don't ever speak to me again.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Arriving at my funeral, you are woefully unprepared for the sight of my embalmed corpse doing full Van Damme splits between two coffins.
November 28, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Arriving at my funeral, you are woefully unprepared for the sight of my embalmed corpse doing full Van Damme splits between two coffins.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Some of those dogs at the dog show are just obscene abominations unto the lord.
November 27, 2025 at 8:59 PM
Some of those dogs at the dog show are just obscene abominations unto the lord.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Home Alone is just SAW for kids. puzzles. traps. screaming grown men
November 28, 2025 at 2:41 PM
Home Alone is just SAW for kids. puzzles. traps. screaming grown men
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Gonna start an Insta called “The White Mannequins of Africa”
November 28, 2025 at 12:47 PM
Gonna start an Insta called “The White Mannequins of Africa”
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
”is my vision improving?"
"whoa could it be the new vitamins?"
"oh i just slept in my contacts"
"whoa could it be the new vitamins?"
"oh i just slept in my contacts"
November 28, 2025 at 2:47 PM
”is my vision improving?"
"whoa could it be the new vitamins?"
"oh i just slept in my contacts"
"whoa could it be the new vitamins?"
"oh i just slept in my contacts"
I'm reminded by those with a holiday hangover that I'm 'lucky' that I'm sober. It's important to me to mention that alcoholism is more fashion than luck.
November 28, 2025 at 4:38 PM
I'm reminded by those with a holiday hangover that I'm 'lucky' that I'm sober. It's important to me to mention that alcoholism is more fashion than luck.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Hark the herald edgelords whinge
November 28, 2025 at 2:20 PM
Hark the herald edgelords whinge
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
we have to go back. to warn them.
November 28, 2025 at 2:49 AM
we have to go back. to warn them.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Giving thanks this year for moving far enough away from the village that waifs and urchins no longer throw rocks at me when I leave my cave for my evening perambulation
November 27, 2025 at 2:48 PM
Giving thanks this year for moving far enough away from the village that waifs and urchins no longer throw rocks at me when I leave my cave for my evening perambulation
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
This Thanksgiving, don’t forget, as you sit down to eat, to scream Fuck America, throw the turkey your racist uncle made right at his ugly head, and then grab your skateboard and do sick ollies back and forth through kitchen reciting Shakespeare’s gayest sonnets as your family tries to restrain you
November 27, 2025 at 8:09 AM
This Thanksgiving, don’t forget, as you sit down to eat, to scream Fuck America, throw the turkey your racist uncle made right at his ugly head, and then grab your skateboard and do sick ollies back and forth through kitchen reciting Shakespeare’s gayest sonnets as your family tries to restrain you
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
THREAD.
3 years ago, with no warning, a brilliant orange farm cat wandered over from the draughty barn where he had been living, in rural Cornwall, and decided he wanted to live with us instead.
We decided to call him Jim.
This is the first photo I took of him, on that night: December 1st, 2022.
3 years ago, with no warning, a brilliant orange farm cat wandered over from the draughty barn where he had been living, in rural Cornwall, and decided he wanted to live with us instead.
We decided to call him Jim.
This is the first photo I took of him, on that night: December 1st, 2022.
November 26, 2025 at 8:44 PM
THREAD.
3 years ago, with no warning, a brilliant orange farm cat wandered over from the draughty barn where he had been living, in rural Cornwall, and decided he wanted to live with us instead.
We decided to call him Jim.
This is the first photo I took of him, on that night: December 1st, 2022.
3 years ago, with no warning, a brilliant orange farm cat wandered over from the draughty barn where he had been living, in rural Cornwall, and decided he wanted to live with us instead.
We decided to call him Jim.
This is the first photo I took of him, on that night: December 1st, 2022.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Several years ago babysitting my friend’s 8 year old daughter, playing Old Maid, I made a joke about me being an old maid. She confidently said, “No Auntie, you’re a spinster.”
November 27, 2025 at 3:28 AM
Several years ago babysitting my friend’s 8 year old daughter, playing Old Maid, I made a joke about me being an old maid. She confidently said, “No Auntie, you’re a spinster.”
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
to the untrained eye it appears i am floundering through life to the trained eye too
November 27, 2025 at 5:21 AM
to the untrained eye it appears i am floundering through life to the trained eye too
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
BATMAN'S FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance
May 11, 2023 at 5:06 PM
BATMAN'S FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
When you slick your hair back at night to be dark and late nitey but your cowlick is naturally against casual lite spelling
November 27, 2025 at 5:58 AM
When you slick your hair back at night to be dark and late nitey but your cowlick is naturally against casual lite spelling
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
one of the greatest joys of having children is the abundance of really soft blankies you have all to yourself when they're not around
November 27, 2025 at 4:49 AM
one of the greatest joys of having children is the abundance of really soft blankies you have all to yourself when they're not around
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Imagine how good Minor Threat would have been if they did drugs
August 6, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Imagine how good Minor Threat would have been if they did drugs
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
this site is not a site of honor
November 27, 2025 at 3:17 AM
this site is not a site of honor
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
*mouth full of yams
This club can't even handle me right now
This club can't even handle me right now
November 27, 2025 at 3:04 AM
*mouth full of yams
This club can't even handle me right now
This club can't even handle me right now
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
The last of the original Garbage Pail Kids has died in custody
November 27, 2025 at 3:02 AM
The last of the original Garbage Pail Kids has died in custody