Shade 5
@shade5.bsky.social
Pinned
Shade 5
@shade5.bsky.social
· Nov 27
Me: I cleared the table for dessert.
Her: Why did you leave these cranberries out?
Me: DON’T TOUCH THEM!!!
Her: What…Why???
Me: You have to let them linger.
Her: Why did you leave these cranberries out?
Me: DON’T TOUCH THEM!!!
Her: What…Why???
Me: You have to let them linger.
Reposted by Shade 5
Out of fucksgiving 🏆👑 Congratulations @im-all-id.me from @shade5.bsky.social
In lieu of thanksgiving I suggest holding a sort of family court convicting your most annoying relatives of various offenses
November 27, 2025 at 4:10 PM
Out of fucksgiving 🏆👑 Congratulations @im-all-id.me from @shade5.bsky.social
Reposted by Shade 5
if you baste it, they will come
November 27, 2025 at 4:16 AM
if you baste it, they will come
Reposted by Shade 5
Just remember that eating pie makes your boobs bigger so eat the damn pie
November 27, 2025 at 4:00 AM
Just remember that eating pie makes your boobs bigger so eat the damn pie
Reposted by Shade 5
I've been pulling this fire alarm since January, but nothing is happening
No one is coming
No one is coming
September 4, 2025 at 11:58 AM
I've been pulling this fire alarm since January, but nothing is happening
No one is coming
No one is coming
Reposted by Shade 5
Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.
November 26, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.
Reposted by Shade 5
the names bond. gold bond.
November 25, 2025 at 5:18 PM
the names bond. gold bond.
Reposted by Shade 5
When you're walking the halls of a senior living center it's going to smell like chicken soup and at least one person will tell you a story about throwing hosiery on stage during a Tom Morello solo
November 25, 2025 at 2:00 PM
When you're walking the halls of a senior living center it's going to smell like chicken soup and at least one person will tell you a story about throwing hosiery on stage during a Tom Morello solo
Reposted by Shade 5
I’ve never paid for sex.
*looks at kids’ tuition bills*
Well, not on the front end.
*looks at kids’ tuition bills*
Well, not on the front end.
November 26, 2025 at 9:15 PM
I’ve never paid for sex.
*looks at kids’ tuition bills*
Well, not on the front end.
*looks at kids’ tuition bills*
Well, not on the front end.
Reposted by Shade 5
I don’t know what I’ve done that every third ad is for cloth clogs, but I don’t want them. Please leave me alone.
November 26, 2025 at 8:56 PM
I don’t know what I’ve done that every third ad is for cloth clogs, but I don’t want them. Please leave me alone.
Reposted by Shade 5
going to savannah and eating a fresh praline by the river won’t fix generational trauma but it will make you stop missing sex for a few minutes
November 26, 2025 at 10:43 PM
going to savannah and eating a fresh praline by the river won’t fix generational trauma but it will make you stop missing sex for a few minutes
Reposted by Shade 5
Charlie Brown’s eyes are both on the front of his head, implying that he is a predator
November 25, 2025 at 5:22 AM
Charlie Brown’s eyes are both on the front of his head, implying that he is a predator
Reposted by Shade 5
Today I am going to be thankful for a bird that isn't.
November 27, 2025 at 5:13 AM
Today I am going to be thankful for a bird that isn't.
Reposted by Shade 5
You can baste my turkey if you wanna
November 27, 2025 at 8:21 AM
You can baste my turkey if you wanna
Reposted by Shade 5
I just read my skeet link and discovered that I'm funny af
November 26, 2025 at 10:32 AM
I just read my skeet link and discovered that I'm funny af
Reposted by Shade 5
once again we are at that very special time of year where i do not attend any work christmas functions
November 27, 2025 at 2:15 AM
once again we are at that very special time of year where i do not attend any work christmas functions
Reposted by Shade 5
Yeah
But they are all from Nigeria
But they are all from Nigeria
November 27, 2025 at 10:35 AM
Yeah
But they are all from Nigeria
But they are all from Nigeria
Reposted by Shade 5
In lieu of thanksgiving I suggest holding a sort of family court convicting your most annoying relatives of various offenses
November 26, 2025 at 6:32 PM
In lieu of thanksgiving I suggest holding a sort of family court convicting your most annoying relatives of various offenses
Reposted by Shade 5
The real Thanksgiving is tomorrow, unlike that Canadian weird one.
November 26, 2025 at 5:24 PM
The real Thanksgiving is tomorrow, unlike that Canadian weird one.
Reposted by Shade 5
May all of your bajas be blasted
November 27, 2025 at 5:15 AM
May all of your bajas be blasted
Reposted by Shade 5
changing my avi:
November 27, 2025 at 5:01 AM
changing my avi:
Reposted by Shade 5
it's thanksgiving eve so don't forget to put out a glass of gravy and some stuffing for ol' farmer greg
November 27, 2025 at 4:51 AM
it's thanksgiving eve so don't forget to put out a glass of gravy and some stuffing for ol' farmer greg
Reposted by Shade 5
every time I see a video with Ariana Grande lately I'm worried she'll cough and snap in half
November 27, 2025 at 5:08 AM
every time I see a video with Ariana Grande lately I'm worried she'll cough and snap in half
Reposted by Shade 5
one of the greatest joys of having children is the abundance of really soft blankies you have all to yourself when they're not around
November 27, 2025 at 4:49 AM
one of the greatest joys of having children is the abundance of really soft blankies you have all to yourself when they're not around
Reposted by Shade 5
i almost never understand what any of you are saying
November 27, 2025 at 4:43 AM
i almost never understand what any of you are saying