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donni saphire

@donni.bsky.social

31K followers 690 following 1.9K posts

Chicago if it matters. Dive bar comedy vet. Only seem calm because I’m exhausted. Thinking about some new shirts

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 4h

Everyone suffers, which is cool in a way, but in another, bigger way, it sucks

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Reposted by donni saphire

nattie winters @utilitylimb.bsky.social · 8h

[to mafia thugs extorting me in a “protection” racket] excuse me, but you took an oath to protect me

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 13h

Caffeine simply makes my stupid and distracting thoughts twice as powerful

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avery @pucksarcana.bsky.social · 17h

my hearth is lowkey burning warm and bright

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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 1d

My bank's website is one letter off from a gross German porn site and it's annoying because I keep accidentally visiting my bank's website.

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 1d

Whatever man, I’ll just get normal later, during the wars and foraging

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 1d

The perfect amount of food is either half as much as you want or 30% too much

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Ryland @rylandduncan.bsky.social · 1d

An old man reminiscing about when streaming services had more stuff on them than just AI generated footage of your own death done lots of different ways

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 2d

You’re just a brain hanging out with a skeleton

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 2d

I have decided to begin spinning rapidly into the sky

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weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 2d

Endurance sports are a great way to get in touch with your body as different parts fall off and roll down the street like a hubcap

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 3d

Toddlers have a “being mean to everyone” phase, which helps them learn the important skill of being mean to everyone

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Xzigalia @xzigalia.bsky.social · 11d

Standing in front of the microwave holding my spoon expectantly. Soon I shall devour the microwave.

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 4d

Hey man, your portents are growing a bit ominous. Probably nothing to worry about

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arr @arr.bsky.social · 19d

One of the smartest things Costco does is assigning every shopper a “Costco Enemy,”who stays in front of them putting carts in stupid places and blocking the aisle and going really slowly. This gives the shopper 30% more browsing time and creates a memorable, provocative experience

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 5d

It’s actually pretty bad for your mental health to know stuff

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 5d

Convince your neighbors you own a pet owl by yelling "has anyone seen my pet owl" through their letterbox at 4am

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 6d

You don’t have to worry about stuff. Just be zen and let the beautiful waves smash you into the rocks

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merritt @merrittk.com · 6d

its like the old saying goes, if you dont get everything done in one day you should give up. its obviously not going to happen

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 7d

I don’t ask for much, just a refreshing variety of sips, snacks and treats every 5 minutes of every day

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 7d

Maybe you’ll be spared from the wave of terrible consequences engulfing everyone

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lanyardigan @lanyardigan.bsky.social · 7d

Moon last night gave me powers. Remains to be seen if they’re good or bad. I’m thinking probably mixed bag, like everything

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 7d

I taught the crabs how to do it

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 7d

I just invented walking sideways. No one is happy about it

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Reposted by donni saphire

Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 10d

Bank of America is pulling out as a Platinum Sponsor and demanding I return their six figure charitable contribution to my 501(c)(3) organization Snakes for Unfuckable Men after an independent investigation found many of our snake recipients were giving each other hand and mouth stuff on the reg.

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