Hey siri if I was small enough to have sex with the nub of a nine volt battery would I also be small enough for nine volts to kill me
February 8, 2026 at 9:08 AM
Hey siri if I was small enough to have sex with the nub of a nine volt battery would I also be small enough for nine volts to kill me
Before sedentary agriculture ruined everything you could just steal whatever you needed from a Barnes and noble
February 8, 2026 at 8:19 AM
Before sedentary agriculture ruined everything you could just steal whatever you needed from a Barnes and noble
How did people organize before QR codes
February 8, 2026 at 7:46 AM
How did people organize before QR codes
Standup comedy is inherently reactionary. Comedy that ferments in your inner darkness like kimchi is vanguardism
February 8, 2026 at 3:38 AM
Standup comedy is inherently reactionary. Comedy that ferments in your inner darkness like kimchi is vanguardism
2007 deserves a Faulkner more than the antebellum south ever did
February 8, 2026 at 12:00 AM
2007 deserves a Faulkner more than the antebellum south ever did
Hey siri aleister crowley coaching tree
February 7, 2026 at 10:14 PM
Hey siri aleister crowley coaching tree
When you put on the Amazon blue and grey you leave your personal issues in the delousing chamber. Do I make myself understood?
February 7, 2026 at 10:04 PM
When you put on the Amazon blue and grey you leave your personal issues in the delousing chamber. Do I make myself understood?
Diva cup full of golden elyxir for your thoughts bro
February 7, 2026 at 10:00 PM
Diva cup full of golden elyxir for your thoughts bro
I can’t believe the Winter Olympics are only 17 days long and then I’ll never see beautiful cortana on my tv anymore. This is halo 4 all over again
February 7, 2026 at 8:33 PM
I can’t believe the Winter Olympics are only 17 days long and then I’ll never see beautiful cortana on my tv anymore. This is halo 4 all over again
I would thrive getting put out to sea on an ice floe
February 7, 2026 at 8:29 PM
I would thrive getting put out to sea on an ice floe
The Winter Olympics is one of the only remaining times that we can all get together as a country and root for the same thing: to watch someone die out on the ice
February 7, 2026 at 8:28 PM
The Winter Olympics is one of the only remaining times that we can all get together as a country and root for the same thing: to watch someone die out on the ice
Doctor: congratulations it’s a tiny girl. What would you like to name her
New mother: picabo street
Doctor: no I’m afraid not
New mother: picabo street
Doctor: no I’m afraid not
February 7, 2026 at 8:17 PM
Doctor: congratulations it’s a tiny girl. What would you like to name her
New mother: picabo street
Doctor: no I’m afraid not
New mother: picabo street
Doctor: no I’m afraid not
American Winter Olympics of humiliation
February 7, 2026 at 8:07 PM
American Winter Olympics of humiliation
Phrase ‘6 7 for democracy’ just popped in my head and it took me a second to realize that it’s because they’re actually doing that
February 7, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Phrase ‘6 7 for democracy’ just popped in my head and it took me a second to realize that it’s because they’re actually doing that
(Mitch hedburg) don’t go on jee vacation
February 7, 2026 at 7:49 PM
(Mitch hedburg) don’t go on jee vacation
He’s in gas leak Valhalla now
February 7, 2026 at 7:47 PM
He’s in gas leak Valhalla now
Probably the best day in my life was when somebody pissed in the mt tabor reservoir and they had to close my work for a day because all the water in Portland had pee in it. All the other days have been pretty bad
February 7, 2026 at 7:40 PM
Probably the best day in my life was when somebody pissed in the mt tabor reservoir and they had to close my work for a day because all the water in Portland had pee in it. All the other days have been pretty bad
One time a doctor asked how many drinks I had in an average week and I said idk maybe like 40 or 50 and he was all we need to test your liver immediately but I was fine. Just goes to show
February 7, 2026 at 7:35 PM
One time a doctor asked how many drinks I had in an average week and I said idk maybe like 40 or 50 and he was all we need to test your liver immediately but I was fine. Just goes to show
Smashing out a parked cars window and grabbing whatever you can reach is a victimless crime
February 7, 2026 at 7:23 PM
Smashing out a parked cars window and grabbing whatever you can reach is a victimless crime
Andre: perchance does the mighty polar bear have some part of his monstrous physique that fiery blood does not course through?
Big Boi: I don’t know man
Andre: and would this theoretical appendage perchance be even colder than the rest of his frigid exterior
Big Boi: when do I get to write a line
Big Boi: I don’t know man
Andre: and would this theoretical appendage perchance be even colder than the rest of his frigid exterior
Big Boi: when do I get to write a line
February 7, 2026 at 7:04 PM
Andre: perchance does the mighty polar bear have some part of his monstrous physique that fiery blood does not course through?
Big Boi: I don’t know man
Andre: and would this theoretical appendage perchance be even colder than the rest of his frigid exterior
Big Boi: when do I get to write a line
Big Boi: I don’t know man
Andre: and would this theoretical appendage perchance be even colder than the rest of his frigid exterior
Big Boi: when do I get to write a line
Under the paving stones, something worse
February 7, 2026 at 7:00 PM
Under the paving stones, something worse
My boss is always asking me if I made a stinky and it’s like, damn bitch, go into the bathroom and have a sniff for yourself. Not everything needs to be a dialogue.
February 7, 2026 at 6:52 PM
My boss is always asking me if I made a stinky and it’s like, damn bitch, go into the bathroom and have a sniff for yourself. Not everything needs to be a dialogue.
Balloon guy is having them spell out instructions for how to make napalm at home now
February 7, 2026 at 6:38 PM
Balloon guy is having them spell out instructions for how to make napalm at home now
Memeing towards Bethlehem
February 7, 2026 at 6:35 PM
Memeing towards Bethlehem