Sam
@samuelhlowe.bsky.social
Pinned
Sam
@samuelhlowe.bsky.social
· Jan 19
Therapist: Set short-term goals.
Me: Start seeing a real therapist and stop these sessions with my imaginary therapist.
Me: Start seeing a real therapist and stop these sessions with my imaginary therapist.
Reposted by Sam
You're not fatter. Your clothes shrank.
Yw.
Yw.
November 27, 2025 at 7:59 AM
You're not fatter. Your clothes shrank.
Yw.
Yw.
Reposted by Sam
The guy who invented the word ‘gobble’ should be allowed to invent more things
November 27, 2025 at 1:44 PM
The guy who invented the word ‘gobble’ should be allowed to invent more things
Reposted by Sam
BATMAN: you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain
DRIVE-THRU WINDOW: sir, do you want fries or not
DRIVE-THRU WINDOW: sir, do you want fries or not
November 27, 2025 at 7:27 AM
BATMAN: you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain
DRIVE-THRU WINDOW: sir, do you want fries or not
DRIVE-THRU WINDOW: sir, do you want fries or not
Reposted by Sam
I'd never get a chip implanted in my brain for fear of seeing funeral home commercials as I'm dying.
November 27, 2025 at 11:40 AM
I'd never get a chip implanted in my brain for fear of seeing funeral home commercials as I'm dying.
Reposted by Sam
however you celebrate this year remember: do not drop your phone in the toilet
November 27, 2025 at 2:31 PM
however you celebrate this year remember: do not drop your phone in the toilet
Reposted by Sam
I like to go to zen gardens and shout at things.
November 27, 2025 at 8:36 PM
I like to go to zen gardens and shout at things.
Reposted by Sam
We don't make balloon animals in this house. We make balloon vegetables. Here's a cucumber and a zucchini, you fucks.
November 28, 2025 at 12:14 AM
We don't make balloon animals in this house. We make balloon vegetables. Here's a cucumber and a zucchini, you fucks.
Reposted by Sam
Im a fraud. I eat trail mix but never go on a trail. I drink Gatorade but no part of me is gator. I buy kind bars and throw them at people
November 13, 2025 at 1:55 AM
Im a fraud. I eat trail mix but never go on a trail. I drink Gatorade but no part of me is gator. I buy kind bars and throw them at people
Reposted by Sam
just sayin i've never seen anybody in a jeep doin any wranglin
November 26, 2025 at 5:07 AM
just sayin i've never seen anybody in a jeep doin any wranglin
Reposted by Sam
A waiting list for the kids table.
November 27, 2025 at 6:37 PM
A waiting list for the kids table.
Reposted by Sam
Friend: i need some fasting tips
Me: start out slow and then speed up
Me: start out slow and then speed up
September 17, 2025 at 4:55 PM
Friend: i need some fasting tips
Me: start out slow and then speed up
Me: start out slow and then speed up
Reposted by Sam
This day can fuck all the way off.
November 24, 2025 at 4:41 PM
This day can fuck all the way off.
Reposted by Sam
I feel a fake migraine coming on
November 27, 2025 at 6:18 PM
I feel a fake migraine coming on
Reposted by Sam
like you want to see anymore of my trip stuff, but my old ass climbed up that
November 16, 2025 at 3:02 AM
like you want to see anymore of my trip stuff, but my old ass climbed up that
Reposted by Sam
hug your pets and set them places at the table; put your family in crates
(if they cannot behave)
🧡🦃
(if they cannot behave)
🧡🦃
November 27, 2025 at 12:31 PM
hug your pets and set them places at the table; put your family in crates
(if they cannot behave)
🧡🦃
(if they cannot behave)
🧡🦃
Reposted by Sam
waffles should have more confidence
November 25, 2025 at 2:02 PM
waffles should have more confidence
Reposted by Sam
Hey, if you know a girl named Lisa who gets mono a funny joke would be to call her Mono Lisa.
No need to give me credit.
No need to give me credit.
November 23, 2025 at 2:58 PM
Hey, if you know a girl named Lisa who gets mono a funny joke would be to call her Mono Lisa.
No need to give me credit.
No need to give me credit.
Reposted by Sam
Never get involved in a land war in Asia, Charlie Brown.
November 24, 2025 at 4:06 PM
Never get involved in a land war in Asia, Charlie Brown.
Reposted by Sam
Ok, who spiked the gravy bowl?
November 27, 2025 at 5:40 PM
Ok, who spiked the gravy bowl?
Reposted by Sam
So you’re telling me this cheesesteak is made of fillies?
November 16, 2024 at 10:16 PM
So you’re telling me this cheesesteak is made of fillies?
Reposted by Sam
Hey guys, I wanted to announce I don’t have a podcast.
April 2, 2024 at 7:24 PM
Hey guys, I wanted to announce I don’t have a podcast.
Reposted by Sam
Too many X accounts are bots. Delighted to be on Bluesky where you're all just figments of my imagination
November 24, 2025 at 7:22 AM
Too many X accounts are bots. Delighted to be on Bluesky where you're all just figments of my imagination
Reposted by Sam
In lieu of thanksgiving I suggest holding a sort of family court convicting your most annoying relatives of various offenses
November 26, 2025 at 6:32 PM
In lieu of thanksgiving I suggest holding a sort of family court convicting your most annoying relatives of various offenses
Reposted by Sam
I may not be fluent, but I can be silent in many languages.
November 24, 2025 at 3:28 PM
I may not be fluent, but I can be silent in many languages.
Reposted by Sam
I prefer solitude too much to compromise with the world.
November 25, 2025 at 12:01 AM
I prefer solitude too much to compromise with the world.