chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
Horrors and hot dogs.
(I'm sorry I'm gross)
she/they
Latest
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Random
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(I'm sorry I'm gross)
she/they
Latest
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kpnkmducrwtq3ly4miy3ymoe/feed/aaajole3giqdq
Random
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Pinned
chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
· Mar 8
Oh hey, I saw you just drank the mercury out of the outdoor patio thermometer, you doing okay?
Reposted by chris.
Giving thanks this year for moving far enough away from the village that waifs and urchins no longer throw rocks at me when I leave my cave for my evening perambulation
November 27, 2025 at 2:48 PM
Giving thanks this year for moving far enough away from the village that waifs and urchins no longer throw rocks at me when I leave my cave for my evening perambulation
Reposted by chris.
I'd never get a chip implanted in my brain for fear of seeing funeral home commercials as I'm dying.
November 27, 2025 at 11:40 AM
I'd never get a chip implanted in my brain for fear of seeing funeral home commercials as I'm dying.
Reposted by chris.
The "secret third thing" is always the same: a depressed clown watching a plate of leftover chicken nuggets rotate in a microwave with dull, lifeless eyes
November 27, 2025 at 2:12 PM
The "secret third thing" is always the same: a depressed clown watching a plate of leftover chicken nuggets rotate in a microwave with dull, lifeless eyes
Not a manic pixie dream girl, but a lethargic troll nightmare woman.
November 27, 2025 at 1:55 PM
Not a manic pixie dream girl, but a lethargic troll nightmare woman.
Reposted by chris.
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. *gets a lobotomy*
November 25, 2025 at 5:12 PM
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. *gets a lobotomy*
Reposted by chris.
Maybe my pants were trying to eat my hand.
November 24, 2025 at 4:26 AM
Maybe my pants were trying to eat my hand.
Reposted by chris.
An air fryer is an Easy-Bake oven for adults except the food doesn’t taste like lightbulb.
August 19, 2025 at 2:00 AM
An air fryer is an Easy-Bake oven for adults except the food doesn’t taste like lightbulb.
Reposted by chris.
Pestering someone to literal death is called annoyhilation.
November 25, 2025 at 5:24 PM
Pestering someone to literal death is called annoyhilation.
Reposted by chris.
an old white man who croaks “yr open mouth awaiting my harvest” sounds like the plot of the worst Stephen King novel ever
November 22, 2025 at 7:43 PM
an old white man who croaks “yr open mouth awaiting my harvest” sounds like the plot of the worst Stephen King novel ever
Reposted by chris.
there is but one wizard i fear. horse wizard
November 25, 2025 at 8:53 AM
there is but one wizard i fear. horse wizard
Reposted by chris.
Face down, ass up... that's how I look for the last good pen I have that just rolled under my desk and now my back hurts, but it's really the last decent pen in the building
November 24, 2025 at 3:41 PM
Face down, ass up... that's how I look for the last good pen I have that just rolled under my desk and now my back hurts, but it's really the last decent pen in the building
Reposted by chris.
once again we are at that very special time of year where i do not attend any work christmas functions
November 27, 2025 at 2:15 AM
once again we are at that very special time of year where i do not attend any work christmas functions
Reposted by chris.
When you slick your hair back at night to be dark and late nitey but your cowlick is naturally against casual lite spelling
November 27, 2025 at 5:58 AM
When you slick your hair back at night to be dark and late nitey but your cowlick is naturally against casual lite spelling
Reposted by chris.
Tropical depression is just like normal depression except I ate this entire fruit tray
June 23, 2025 at 10:26 PM
Tropical depression is just like normal depression except I ate this entire fruit tray
Reposted by chris.
BATMAN'S FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance
May 11, 2023 at 5:06 PM
BATMAN'S FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance
Reposted by chris.
She asked how my DIY project was going. I said "been better" and inadvertently fired my mouthful of nails at her.
November 27, 2025 at 5:56 AM
She asked how my DIY project was going. I said "been better" and inadvertently fired my mouthful of nails at her.
Reposted by chris.
speed dating but it’s just a scholastic book fair for adults
November 26, 2025 at 9:49 PM
speed dating but it’s just a scholastic book fair for adults
My trans agenda is a nice little Lisa Frank number where I keep all my important trans dates.
November 27, 2025 at 5:54 AM
My trans agenda is a nice little Lisa Frank number where I keep all my important trans dates.
Reposted by chris.
Look i really think you ought to know that i just farted
November 26, 2025 at 10:18 PM
Look i really think you ought to know that i just farted
Reposted by chris.
my childhood dog was named Turkey because when my mom and dad picked him up as a puppy he puked in the car and my dad called him a jive turkey but Thanksgiving was confusing because I'm sure as shit not gonna eat the dog mom wtf are you talking about
November 27, 2025 at 12:51 AM
my childhood dog was named Turkey because when my mom and dad picked him up as a puppy he puked in the car and my dad called him a jive turkey but Thanksgiving was confusing because I'm sure as shit not gonna eat the dog mom wtf are you talking about
Reposted by chris.
sometimes i wish i could stop talking when i'm in the middle of talking but i never can
November 26, 2025 at 7:59 PM
sometimes i wish i could stop talking when i'm in the middle of talking but i never can
Reposted by chris.
told a dude I had therapy yesterday and he asked therapy for what and I was so caught off guard I said, “my brain”
November 26, 2025 at 7:04 PM
told a dude I had therapy yesterday and he asked therapy for what and I was so caught off guard I said, “my brain”
Reposted by chris.
The CIA made me memorize the alphabet with my mind. MKLmnop. But seriously why is there a literal street of sesame on the 1 2 3 dollar bill
November 26, 2025 at 4:53 PM
The CIA made me memorize the alphabet with my mind. MKLmnop. But seriously why is there a literal street of sesame on the 1 2 3 dollar bill
Reposted by chris.
Nothing prepares you for finding out your new friend has other friends
November 26, 2025 at 11:30 AM
Nothing prepares you for finding out your new friend has other friends