jordan [ham]
@nursemurderer.bsky.social
just your typical old fashioned, salt of the earth, red blooded, hard working, blue collar, queer lady.
PFP me in pool BY @geraldinepiche.bsky.social
🆗 https://nursemurderer.com
PFP me in pool BY @geraldinepiche.bsky.social
🆗 https://nursemurderer.com
Pinned
jordan [ham]
@nursemurderer.bsky.social
· May 20
literally my current proof of life outside of my fckn job:
today’s workout brought to you by: 4 pies, 100 pounds 👋🏼, and a song by cool company
November 28, 2025 at 2:34 AM
today’s workout brought to you by: 4 pies, 100 pounds 👋🏼, and a song by cool company
Reposted by jordan [ham]
BATMAN: you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain
DRIVE-THRU WINDOW: sir, do you want fries or not
DRIVE-THRU WINDOW: sir, do you want fries or not
November 27, 2025 at 7:27 AM
BATMAN: you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain
DRIVE-THRU WINDOW: sir, do you want fries or not
DRIVE-THRU WINDOW: sir, do you want fries or not
introduce yourself with 5 concerts you’ve seen:
michael mcdonald
michael mcdonald
michael mcdonald w earth, wind & fire
michael mcdonald w kenny loggins and christopher cross
fiona apple
michael mcdonald
michael mcdonald
michael mcdonald w earth, wind & fire
michael mcdonald w kenny loggins and christopher cross
fiona apple
Introduce yourself with 5 concerts you've seen:
Been to a lot of shows dude. Here are five of the most memorable...
Daft Punk
Phil Collins
Postal Service
Veruca Salt
ELO
Been to a lot of shows dude. Here are five of the most memorable...
Daft Punk
Phil Collins
Postal Service
Veruca Salt
ELO
Introduce yourself with 5 concerts you've seen:
The Pixies (original)
The Afghan Wigs
Skinny Puppy
Ween
TV on the Radio
The Pixies (original)
The Afghan Wigs
Skinny Puppy
Ween
TV on the Radio
November 28, 2025 at 12:16 AM
introduce yourself with 5 concerts you’ve seen:
michael mcdonald
michael mcdonald
michael mcdonald w earth, wind & fire
michael mcdonald w kenny loggins and christopher cross
fiona apple
michael mcdonald
michael mcdonald
michael mcdonald w earth, wind & fire
michael mcdonald w kenny loggins and christopher cross
fiona apple
Reposted by jordan [ham]
every time someone saves one of my posts I think holy shit they're gathering evidence
November 28, 2025 at 12:08 AM
every time someone saves one of my posts I think holy shit they're gathering evidence
Reposted by jordan [ham]
wild way to admit the CIA groomed this dude as a child soldier during the war & occupation in afghanistan
November 27, 2025 at 11:19 PM
wild way to admit the CIA groomed this dude as a child soldier during the war & occupation in afghanistan
Reposted by jordan [ham]
you only hear about the cops who plant evidence
never about the ones who nurture and water it everyday until it grows into an evidence tree
never about the ones who nurture and water it everyday until it grows into an evidence tree
November 27, 2025 at 6:42 AM
you only hear about the cops who plant evidence
never about the ones who nurture and water it everyday until it grows into an evidence tree
never about the ones who nurture and water it everyday until it grows into an evidence tree
Reposted by jordan [ham]
I'm beginning to think I'll never find a giant x on the ground marking the spot to buried treasure
November 26, 2025 at 3:45 PM
I'm beginning to think I'll never find a giant x on the ground marking the spot to buried treasure
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Dilemma: I can only find one pair of reading glasses and I need reading glasses to fix my reading glasses.
November 26, 2025 at 3:10 PM
Dilemma: I can only find one pair of reading glasses and I need reading glasses to fix my reading glasses.
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Is it normal to feel so weak it's hard to stir a stiff batter
November 27, 2025 at 1:20 PM
Is it normal to feel so weak it's hard to stir a stiff batter
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Not a manic pixie dream girl, but a lethargic troll nightmare woman.
November 27, 2025 at 1:55 PM
Not a manic pixie dream girl, but a lethargic troll nightmare woman.
Reposted by jordan [ham]
if some bitchass breed wins the dog show this year I’m flipping the dinner table. how could you even eat in a time like that???
November 27, 2025 at 3:14 PM
if some bitchass breed wins the dog show this year I’m flipping the dinner table. how could you even eat in a time like that???
Reposted by jordan [ham]
got a feeling that today's the day I get answers
a woman posted a pic in a group chat of a baby turkey she bought thinking it was a chicken. She captioned the pic "IS THIS A TURKEY?!?"
Anyway, I haven't been here because I've been yelling IS THIS A TURKEY at everything. You should try it
Anyway, I haven't been here because I've been yelling IS THIS A TURKEY at everything. You should try it
November 27, 2025 at 4:03 PM
got a feeling that today's the day I get answers
Reposted by jordan [ham]
I feel a fake migraine coming on
November 27, 2025 at 6:18 PM
I feel a fake migraine coming on
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Reposted by jordan [ham]
going for a traditional cousin walk but without any cousins (getting stoned at the playground alone)
November 27, 2025 at 8:29 PM
going for a traditional cousin walk but without any cousins (getting stoned at the playground alone)
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.
November 26, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Reposted by jordan [ham]
It's sad that Brian the emu was ostrichsized by the other birds.
November 21, 2025 at 7:06 PM
It's sad that Brian the emu was ostrichsized by the other birds.
Reposted by jordan [ham]
to the untrained eye it appears i am floundering through life to the trained eye too
November 27, 2025 at 5:21 AM
to the untrained eye it appears i am floundering through life to the trained eye too
ordered a slice of pie and they sent me FOUR WHOLE PIES in case anybody wants to know what i’m eating for the next month
November 27, 2025 at 11:20 PM
ordered a slice of pie and they sent me FOUR WHOLE PIES in case anybody wants to know what i’m eating for the next month
Reposted by jordan [ham]
it's thanksgiving eve so don't forget to put out a glass of gravy and some stuffing for ol' farmer greg
November 27, 2025 at 4:51 AM
it's thanksgiving eve so don't forget to put out a glass of gravy and some stuffing for ol' farmer greg
today’s workout brought to you by: 80° november la days, and song by 👑fiona
November 27, 2025 at 4:42 AM
today’s workout brought to you by: 80° november la days, and song by 👑fiona
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Shut up and chew your multivitamin, Kevin.
November 26, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Shut up and chew your multivitamin, Kevin.
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Nothing venture-capitaled, nothing ill-gotten gained
November 26, 2025 at 6:37 PM
Nothing venture-capitaled, nothing ill-gotten gained
Reposted by jordan [ham]
In lieu of thanksgiving I suggest holding a sort of family court convicting your most annoying relatives of various offenses
November 26, 2025 at 6:32 PM
In lieu of thanksgiving I suggest holding a sort of family court convicting your most annoying relatives of various offenses