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jordan pumpkin spice [ham]

@nursemurderer.bsky.social

11K followers 640 following 5.8K posts

just your typical old fashioned, salt of the earth, red blooded, hard working, blue collar, queer lady. PFP me in pool BY @geraldinepiche.bsky.social 🆗 https://nursemurderer.com

nursemurderer.com

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · May 20

literally my current proof of life outside of my fckn job:

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 13h

yeah we are 🥰

jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 13h

today’s workout brought to you by: friend had me meet her at the pool so I got an extra hour of movement, feels weird to talk weight after the years of undoing fat phobia and ongoing eating disorder therapy BUT i’ve lost 85 pounds so far and that is fucking wild, MY 🍑 & an old fav by tapes n tapes

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born miserable @bornmiserable.bsky.social · 1d

ATTENTION: your reminder that you should follow the absolutely amazing @itsabbyyep.bsky.social and ALSO read and follow her hilarious and relatable blog rantmetheserenity.com IT IS WORTH IT ALWAYS YEP I HAVE SPOKEN

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born miserable @bornmiserable.bsky.social · 1d

DONALD TRUMP: let me tell you, antifa are very sick and very evil. one time they lured a boy named Charlie into a factory; he was being sucked into a huge fan and with tears in his eyes, he begged “Mr. President, please save me”

ME: uh, that was the plot of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

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Travis comma bitch @prof-hinkley.bsky.social · 23h

I'm not trying to be better than you. I mean I am, but I'm not trying

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korpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 2d

*Washes out wound with Old Spice SWAGGER Body Wash and water*

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James Alvarez @obscuregent.bsky.social · 29d

I like to bring a guitar with me to parties as a threat to anyone who tries to talk to me.

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Robert Manchild @robertmanchild.com · Aug 18

had to quit my job so i could read emails from my kids' schools full time

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alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 1d

looking for a billionaire investor in my business that will Disrupt the honey industry (we are gluing tiny cowboy hats on bees)

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Steve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · Sep 3

i make my kid say a cuss word everytime i catch them eating a bar of soap

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andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 1d

When is addiction to outrage being added to the dsm

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 18h

We just keep letting Jared Leto happen for some reason.

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 16h

One great thing about having a chest wound is you can walk around with a real "what are ya gonna do to me, stab me in the chest?" attitude. I'm just here to remind you that one can have two chest wounds, so you may wanna say,"What are you gonna do to me, stab me in the chest TWICE?"

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alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 14h

it's called Cinnabun because they were not brave enough to call it CinnaAss

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Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 20h

*blush* I guess I am a hot sleeper

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 14h

haha no i’m barely that but THANK YOU

jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 14h

saturday night plans

jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 19h

I have it on a tank too!

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 20h

got some new hats from AMERICA HATES US

woman in pool wearing sunglasses and baseball cap with a patch of an american flag on fire

closeup of woman in baseball cap that says SLAP YOUR LOCAL RACIST

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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 1d

I confess wild horses COULD drag me away. In fact it would only probably take a single very sickly one

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alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 1d

mr president sir, they're saying baby jessica fell down a well better than anyone; they're saying no one could fall down a well better than her, there's no way a grown man could fall down a well as good as that baby did

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Steve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 1d

"Ok, I know this is creepy af but check this out.."

-first taxidermist

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A Big Ail @kissabix.bsky.social · 10d

Oh no, sweetie, by airing everyone else's flaws, you're actually just showing your own

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mean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 1d

Weird how they say that vaccines are bad and the president is good but the president got two vaccines yesterday, I wonder how long it will take before he is forced to wear high heels or starts collecting model trains or whatever they think vaccines do besides save lives

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Hi, it's Abby. Yep. @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 1d

"I’ve learned that putting things off now means they’ll blow up in Future Abby’s face. But she ain’t here at the moment..."

Do you ever find yourself on social media instead of enjoying life? Oh by god, me too! Please read my new blog post at
rantmetheserenity.com/i-finally-go...

I Finally Got Around to This - Freelance Writer

I’m Abby and it’s taken me 14 years to write about procrastination. Plus another four hours between that sentence and this one. I’ve learned that putting things off now means they’ll blow up in Future...

rantmetheserenity.com

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