chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
Horrors and hot dogs.
(I'm sorry I'm gross)
she/they
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(I'm sorry I'm gross)
she/they
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Pinned
My head just exploded. One candy per child, please.
It is okay to smell like wet dog if you have been making friends with a wet dog.
November 23, 2025 at 1:17 AM
It is okay to smell like wet dog if you have been making friends with a wet dog.
Reposted by chris.
Someone compliments you on your porcelain skin. How does it feel to be compared to a toilet?
November 22, 2025 at 5:13 PM
Someone compliments you on your porcelain skin. How does it feel to be compared to a toilet?
Reposted by chris.
Is it weird that none of my neighbors are strange
squirrel on my shoulder: I don’t think so
squirrel on my shoulder: I don’t think so
November 22, 2025 at 7:50 AM
Is it weird that none of my neighbors are strange
squirrel on my shoulder: I don’t think so
squirrel on my shoulder: I don’t think so
Reposted by chris.
Point taken. It's mine now. Please continue your pointless life.
November 18, 2025 at 11:14 PM
Point taken. It's mine now. Please continue your pointless life.
Reposted by chris.
the stress of having to fill out and return a pdf
November 22, 2025 at 3:23 PM
the stress of having to fill out and return a pdf
Reposted by chris.
Normies love to let you shadow them for a day but to their aura it's always noon
November 21, 2025 at 9:52 PM
Normies love to let you shadow them for a day but to their aura it's always noon
Reposted by chris.
Broken branch is a hell of a thing to really identify with. So you're just like, reaching out to be an integral part of the biological process and suddenly your spirit is heavy well shit, twig. You crunched is it a ghost
November 22, 2025 at 5:39 AM
Broken branch is a hell of a thing to really identify with. So you're just like, reaching out to be an integral part of the biological process and suddenly your spirit is heavy well shit, twig. You crunched is it a ghost
The only evacuation route from this dark place is by bowel.
November 22, 2025 at 4:50 PM
The only evacuation route from this dark place is by bowel.
Reposted by chris.
"Gyger Gyger burning bright!" William Blake stars in Attack of the Giant Lamb
November 22, 2025 at 4:18 PM
"Gyger Gyger burning bright!" William Blake stars in Attack of the Giant Lamb
Reposted by chris.
When I “hide your reply from everyone”, I believe you should receive a moderate electric shock as a gentle rebuke to remind you that you are posting in a society and should conduct yourself accordingly. Operant conditioning as community management.
November 22, 2025 at 4:13 PM
When I “hide your reply from everyone”, I believe you should receive a moderate electric shock as a gentle rebuke to remind you that you are posting in a society and should conduct yourself accordingly. Operant conditioning as community management.
Reposted by chris.
but what do you do with your napkin rings the rest of the year don’t answer that
November 22, 2025 at 3:51 PM
but what do you do with your napkin rings the rest of the year don’t answer that
Reposted by chris.
If you bring your fancy peanut butter to the Home Depot paint dept they have to mix it for you
November 22, 2025 at 2:55 PM
If you bring your fancy peanut butter to the Home Depot paint dept they have to mix it for you
Reposted by chris.
Ah yes, to spend the rest of your days drowning.
November 21, 2025 at 5:14 AM
Ah yes, to spend the rest of your days drowning.
Reposted by chris.
if you tell your parents that you don’t want to have kids and they look offended, it’s because they’re thinking “damn, why didn’t I think of that“
November 22, 2025 at 3:38 AM
if you tell your parents that you don’t want to have kids and they look offended, it’s because they’re thinking “damn, why didn’t I think of that“
Reposted by chris.
Sneaking a big gulp cup of alfredo sauce into the movie theater.
November 20, 2025 at 5:02 PM
Sneaking a big gulp cup of alfredo sauce into the movie theater.
Reposted by chris.
Outer space is mostly feelings and that's why we tend to hide our footage and say the burrow owl has landed when anyone opens up in a newsreel voice
November 20, 2025 at 6:01 AM
Outer space is mostly feelings and that's why we tend to hide our footage and say the burrow owl has landed when anyone opens up in a newsreel voice
Reposted by chris.
sorry i filled your neti pot with gravy
November 20, 2025 at 9:50 PM
sorry i filled your neti pot with gravy
Reposted by chris.
I wonder if it’s like too dramatic to scrimshaw all the reasons I love you on the bones of your enemies
November 16, 2025 at 8:56 PM
I wonder if it’s like too dramatic to scrimshaw all the reasons I love you on the bones of your enemies
Reposted by chris.
Kid: Is this a parrot?
Me: no
Kid: but it sais what I say
Me: It's an old tape recorder
Kid: What does it eat?
Me: Cassettes
Me: no
Kid: but it sais what I say
Me: It's an old tape recorder
Kid: What does it eat?
Me: Cassettes
November 15, 2025 at 4:43 PM
Kid: Is this a parrot?
Me: no
Kid: but it sais what I say
Me: It's an old tape recorder
Kid: What does it eat?
Me: Cassettes
Me: no
Kid: but it sais what I say
Me: It's an old tape recorder
Kid: What does it eat?
Me: Cassettes
Reposted by chris.
Sometimes, in the morning, it takes me a year to wake up.
November 22, 2025 at 12:12 PM
Sometimes, in the morning, it takes me a year to wake up.
Reposted by chris.
every year someone does a study that’s like “we gave 100 homeless ppl money and their lives improved” and every year the government kills that guy
November 21, 2025 at 4:44 PM
every year someone does a study that’s like “we gave 100 homeless ppl money and their lives improved” and every year the government kills that guy
Reposted by chris.
would you still love me if I wasn't a hotdog
November 22, 2025 at 6:23 AM
would you still love me if I wasn't a hotdog
The song of my people.
Canadian Sesame Street - The Pierogi Song
YouTube video by bemuzed uzually
youtu.be
November 22, 2025 at 5:55 AM
The song of my people.
Reposted by chris.
Being tall and fat feels like trying to look cute while stomping around like Godzilla. Challenge accepted.
November 22, 2025 at 5:28 AM
Being tall and fat feels like trying to look cute while stomping around like Godzilla. Challenge accepted.
Reposted by chris.
If you saw me licking yogurt lids, I wouldn’t be single.
November 22, 2025 at 5:22 AM
If you saw me licking yogurt lids, I wouldn’t be single.