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Hell Ray-ser

@sireviscerate.myatproto.social

20K followers 1.3K following 17K posts

Small-batch, artisan, farm-to-table skeets. He/him/them Banner: a stylized starry sky Pfp: @geraldinepiche.bsky.social my so-called bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2wtsa2p73r3lsfyenwlu6zrx/feed/aaaj3z4iycw2w

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Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 11d

BREAKING: The mitochondria have released a statement they are ending their long running symbiotic relationship with humans, citing "increasingly poor use of the energy we provide".

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Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 49m

It's impolite to take the last slice of pizza or cake at a party. That portion is for Jeremy, the God of Slices, and should be allowed to grow visibly crusty and stale before being thrown in the garbage, as Jeremy decrees.

Reposted by Hell Ray-ser

Hi, it's Abby. Yep. @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 1h

[Pollock family game night]
Jackson: K who's gonna be my partner for Pictionary

Mom: Not it

Dad: Not it

Sis: Not it

Gramma: DAMN IT

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Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 1h

You mean Kurosawas?

Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 1h

Bouncer: Also, you're like 45, why are you pretending to be 52?

Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 1h

Bouncer (looking at my fake ID): When is your birthday?

Me: I've lived thousands of karmic cycles. My soul is beautiful and ageless.

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Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 1h

Why are they called slasher films? Relatively few kills are by slashing. Would probably be more appropriate, mathematically, to call them stabbers or hackers.

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Reposted by Hell Ray-ser

my good bitch 💎 @clozilla.reprosky.xyz · 2h

Client is short $450 for an abortion appointment TOMORROW (Wednesday). If you can help close this gap, donate here:

V: Crystal-Zilla
$Clozilla

Use the note 🐐

a brown and white sheep is standing in a pile of wood chips .

Alt: a brown and white goat is jumping in a pile of wood chips .

media.tenor.com

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Reposted by Hell Ray-ser

Stellaween? @antlervel.vet · Apr 7

Watched Princess Mononoke last night. No big deal but I also can decapitate guys with arrows. I just choose not to do it on ethical grounds

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Reposted by Hell Ray-ser

DC Pierson @dcpierson.bsky.social · 12h

If you’re a politician who needs an alias for checking into hotels with your mistress, you could do a lot worse than

A package of crackers that says LANCE TOASTY

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Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 15h

Also, even if that was true, that's the sort of movie the Oscars would enjoy patting themselves on the back over nominating

Reposted by Hell Ray-ser

Jana H-S (they/she) @jana-aych-ess.bsky.social · 1d

if you think hot dogs are fucked up wait until you find out what they make people out of

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Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 15h

You should have to write your posts out in your own blood before you can put them online. It doesn't need to hurt, but if you do it too much you should die from exsanguination.

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Travis comma bitch @prof-hinkley.bsky.social · 15h

*5 minutes after stepping out of my time machine and meeting Jesus Christ* they're called Takis. Have you ever had anything that hot?

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Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 15h

Unpopular gaming opinion: Some of the sandwiches in Pokémon Scarlet/Violet are extremely fucked. Your blood/THC concentration would have to be like 12% to eat a noodle and chorizo sandwich.

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Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 15h

Pretty messed up to make judgements on appearances only

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Reposted by Hell Ray-ser

Stellaween? @antlervel.vet · 2d

MARLEY: I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link—
ME: Hell yeah dude you were a blacksmith?
MARLEY: What? No
ME: Oh you made a big chain for fun?
MARLEY: No
ME: Ok well it looks heavy man you can throw it on the chair if you want I’m just gaming
MARLEY: Is that the new Battlefield

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Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 18h

Yep.

Reposted by Hell Ray-ser

Tara Shoe @tarashoe.bsky.social · 18h

new season means a new breakfast sludge to disturb my loved ones with

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Nate @thenatewolf.bsky.social · 19h

Getting hooked up to the machine that lets you telepathically communicate with mice so that I can tell them that I love their cute faces and unique abilities but they just scream “GIVE ME PEANUT BUTTER” over and over again.

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Reposted by Hell Ray-ser

Sweatpants Cher @housefeminist.bsky.social · 19h

I need to reinvent myself but there seems to be a lack of appealing options as far as who to become, here at the end of all things

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Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 1d

So good we had to take a week off school just to process it

Reposted by Hell Ray-ser

bakoon @bakoon.bsky.social · 1d

ive snatched the home run ball from a little boy in the stands and the boy is crying. thats just something i like to do. i stole a hat and jersey too, right out of the players hand. i took his dads car keys and fed them to a seagull. i made his mom eat everything in her purse and flipped her off

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Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 1d

Movie #9: The Final Girls

A love letter to cheesy 80s slasher flicks. Not everything works, but a surprising amount is pitch perfect and funny. The mom-daughter stuff is genuinely touching.

The cast of Final Girls, looking surprised to have been isekaied into a Friday the 13th ripoff.

Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 1d

We've already done all the jokes, kid

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Hell Ray-ser @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 1d

Get ratioed.