My tinfoil hat business doesn’t look so stupid now, does it dad?!

Writing with a ballpoint penchant.

I too sailed the ocean blue.

You don't hear me bragging about it.

Are you mad at me?
□ yes
□ yes

I keep forgetting that falling down at my age can lead to serious consequences.

I'm sorry for what I said every time I've opened my mouth.

Last Christmas, our annual holiday showing of Die Hard was overshadowed by the pumpkin spice Tide Pods on our pizza. They tasted great with the pineapple.

*Twitter meme nostalgia post

One of the many innovations in Windows 11 is the moving of the start button from the far left side of the taskbar to the middle of the taskbar.

This Saturday, after the protests, my local Antifa cell plans on terrorizing some burnt ends at Jack Stack.

They only have four strings so they should be called ‘ivolins’.

Thanks for reading.

Yes there is typo. Ive ben sick

Dental X-rays? You mean tooth pics?

Started saying mucho to my Spanish friends. It means a lot to them

I’m reading a book on anti gravity. It’s impossible to put down

The generation that came of age during MMMBop now has a song coming out more suited it now called MMMPlop.

I don't dance to seduce, I dance to scare people away

-Are you dissapointed in me or is this your usual face?

New game: Lie or nap. You're allowed either to tell a lie or take a nap

The picture I saw in the picture doesn't look like the picture I ordered. You bet I complained! They told me the picture I have is indeed the picture in the picture. Words were exchanged, most of them were the word "picture". Then they told me I'm seeing things. I said duh, that how seeing works.

I don’t usually reach out like this, but please keep this very upset 6-year-old girl in your prayers. She’s in the surgery waiting room and her brother won’t stop copying her.

I hope your dog lives long enough to grow grizzled and cranky and wise. And if not, let them at least teach you how to live in the absolute moment 🐾

Much like the current administration, I have no idea what I’m going to fuck up today.

feature request:
*"are you out of your mind?" autoreply to reply guys*

(my first day on the job as a safety officer at the white house)

can anyone else smell fire and brimstone?