Literally
@ummliterally.bsky.social
just another great ape
All my skeets - https://bsky.app/profile/ummliterally.bsky.social/search
Best skeets bc I'm vain: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nixduwqrwjgbdembbg3xqyzb/feed/aaafyhv3we6vy
All my skeets - https://bsky.app/profile/ummliterally.bsky.social/search
Best skeets bc I'm vain: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nixduwqrwjgbdembbg3xqyzb/feed/aaafyhv3we6vy
Pinned
Literally
@ummliterally.bsky.social
· Mar 26
I can’t believe they have an entire Clinic just for studying Mayo.
One of the most significant things my dad taught me was that bras are called "over the shoulder boulder holders."
November 27, 2025 at 2:40 PM
One of the most significant things my dad taught me was that bras are called "over the shoulder boulder holders."
Reposted by Literally
The seasonal threesome is called a turfucken.
November 21, 2025 at 5:29 AM
The seasonal threesome is called a turfucken.
Reposted by Literally
Frosty the Snowman has forward-facing eyes, indicative of a carnivorous predator
November 27, 2025 at 2:14 AM
Frosty the Snowman has forward-facing eyes, indicative of a carnivorous predator
Reposted by Literally
Just remember that eating pie makes your boobs bigger so eat the damn pie
November 27, 2025 at 4:00 AM
Just remember that eating pie makes your boobs bigger so eat the damn pie
Reposted by Literally
*brings a grilled cheese to a knife fight so someone will cut it into triangles for me*
October 9, 2025 at 1:12 AM
*brings a grilled cheese to a knife fight so someone will cut it into triangles for me*
Reposted by Literally
Man, I’m kind of sorry for being such a smartass today but let me promise you this one thing it will happen again
November 22, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Man, I’m kind of sorry for being such a smartass today but let me promise you this one thing it will happen again
*sprinkling little combination locks on a bagel
What do you mean "not that kind of locks?"
What do you mean "not that kind of locks?"
November 25, 2025 at 7:21 PM
*sprinkling little combination locks on a bagel
What do you mean "not that kind of locks?"
What do you mean "not that kind of locks?"
Reposted by Literally
Can someone take me in their cupped hands like a small frog and hide me in their pocket, please?
November 15, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Can someone take me in their cupped hands like a small frog and hide me in their pocket, please?
I slapped a DENSE FOG ADVISORY sticker on my forehead after a night of partying, so people know what they're dealing with.
November 25, 2025 at 4:22 PM
I slapped a DENSE FOG ADVISORY sticker on my forehead after a night of partying, so people know what they're dealing with.
Reposted by Literally
Try as I might, I still have yet to identify a time of day in which it is not too early for this sh!t.
November 25, 2025 at 1:33 PM
Try as I might, I still have yet to identify a time of day in which it is not too early for this sh!t.
Reposted by Literally
a hot tub is really just a cauldron with jets
November 23, 2025 at 2:04 AM
a hot tub is really just a cauldron with jets
Reposted by Literally
Not done today, but there’s a 4-day weekend coming up! Gary looked at his Thanksgiving break to-do list and spontaneously burst into flames.
November 24, 2025 at 5:17 AM
Not done today, but there’s a 4-day weekend coming up! Gary looked at his Thanksgiving break to-do list and spontaneously burst into flames.
Reposted by Literally
Was today Monday, or Monday-Tuesday, or Wednesday?
November 25, 2025 at 2:42 AM
Was today Monday, or Monday-Tuesday, or Wednesday?
just overheard the best joke ever written...
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
no eye deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
no eye deer
November 24, 2025 at 9:42 PM
just overheard the best joke ever written...
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
no eye deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
no eye deer
Reposted by Literally
I don't want a timer on my electric blanket. Don't turn off until my internal temperature reaches 163 degrees and my juices run clear.
November 23, 2025 at 7:58 PM
I don't want a timer on my electric blanket. Don't turn off until my internal temperature reaches 163 degrees and my juices run clear.
Reposted by Literally
I may not be fluent, but I can be silent in many languages.
November 24, 2025 at 3:28 PM
I may not be fluent, but I can be silent in many languages.
Reposted by Literally
Dear Dude honking at the minivan to move: She is currently adjusting her kid's attitude. Let her work so he doesn't become our future problem
February 26, 2025 at 10:26 PM
Dear Dude honking at the minivan to move: She is currently adjusting her kid's attitude. Let her work so he doesn't become our future problem
Reposted by Literally
Me, cleaning the house
November 23, 2025 at 11:38 PM
Me, cleaning the house
Reposted by Literally
RIP to the banger I was thinking of when falling asleep and thought for sure I would remember later
November 22, 2025 at 2:31 AM
RIP to the banger I was thinking of when falling asleep and thought for sure I would remember later
Reposted by Literally
I may have been born a Pisces, but I identify as a cancer to everyone around me
November 23, 2025 at 3:43 PM
I may have been born a Pisces, but I identify as a cancer to everyone around me
Reposted by Literally
My internet was down for so long, I almost had an original idea!
November 23, 2025 at 3:47 PM
My internet was down for so long, I almost had an original idea!
JUST IN: The search for the next dolly llama has concluded.
November 23, 2025 at 2:44 PM
JUST IN: The search for the next dolly llama has concluded.
Reposted by Literally
God has decided to just give up with Earth and start a less ambitious project..
November 21, 2025 at 4:59 PM
God has decided to just give up with Earth and start a less ambitious project..
These boots aren't made for walkin
~ Nancy Sinatra at the ski resort
~ Nancy Sinatra at the ski resort
November 23, 2025 at 2:25 PM
These boots aren't made for walkin
~ Nancy Sinatra at the ski resort
~ Nancy Sinatra at the ski resort
Parliament: We want the funk!
Me: Please, step into my son's room.
Me: Please, step into my son's room.
November 23, 2025 at 2:23 PM
Parliament: We want the funk!
Me: Please, step into my son's room.
Me: Please, step into my son's room.