Literally
@ummliterally.bsky.social
just another great ape
All my skeets - https://bsky.app/profile/ummliterally.bsky.social/search
Best skeets bc I'm vain: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nixduwqrwjgbdembbg3xqyzb/feed/aaafyhv3we6vy
All my skeets - https://bsky.app/profile/ummliterally.bsky.social/search
Best skeets bc I'm vain: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nixduwqrwjgbdembbg3xqyzb/feed/aaafyhv3we6vy
Pinned
Literally
@ummliterally.bsky.social
· Mar 26
I can’t believe they have an entire Clinic just for studying Mayo.
Reposted by Literally
"Im still punk" I say as I rub Aspercreme on my ass
November 29, 2025 at 1:05 AM
"Im still punk" I say as I rub Aspercreme on my ass
Reposted by Literally
I have a joke about Narcissus, but I’d be seriously dating myself
November 29, 2025 at 3:57 PM
I have a joke about Narcissus, but I’d be seriously dating myself
Reposted by Literally
I aim to get uninvited from all future Rooster Thanksgivings by showing up with this next year:
November 29, 2025 at 4:15 PM
I aim to get uninvited from all future Rooster Thanksgivings by showing up with this next year:
Remember, when you're eating deviled eggs, you're eating Satan's testicles.
November 29, 2025 at 4:23 PM
Remember, when you're eating deviled eggs, you're eating Satan's testicles.
He liked to go by the shortened name Jesus, because his full name, Jeez-louise-us, was a mouthful.
November 29, 2025 at 4:07 PM
He liked to go by the shortened name Jesus, because his full name, Jeez-louise-us, was a mouthful.
Reposted by Literally
squinting my eyes at writers who try and make the bad guy seem relatable
November 29, 2025 at 2:37 PM
squinting my eyes at writers who try and make the bad guy seem relatable
Reposted by Literally
Eternal life wouldn't be so great. You'd still be stuck going to weddings, wakes and birthday parties for one-year-olds.
November 29, 2025 at 2:41 PM
Eternal life wouldn't be so great. You'd still be stuck going to weddings, wakes and birthday parties for one-year-olds.
Reposted by Literally
I just read up a bit on AI if you need me I’ll be under the snow drift in the back alley
November 29, 2025 at 2:11 PM
I just read up a bit on AI if you need me I’ll be under the snow drift in the back alley
Reposted by Literally
Carol of the Bells, Dave of the Tinnitus
November 29, 2025 at 2:20 PM
Carol of the Bells, Dave of the Tinnitus
Reposted by Literally
family jet packs on sale at Costco
November 28, 2025 at 10:20 PM
family jet packs on sale at Costco
Reposted by Literally
*removing all the mini pretzels from the Chex mix and throwing them outside for the birds
November 29, 2025 at 1:27 AM
*removing all the mini pretzels from the Chex mix and throwing them outside for the birds
Reposted by Literally
The enemy of my enemy is my friend but isn’t it also me?
November 29, 2025 at 1:54 AM
The enemy of my enemy is my friend but isn’t it also me?
Reposted by Literally
I run away from commitment, so yeah I workout.
November 27, 2025 at 3:44 PM
I run away from commitment, so yeah I workout.
Reposted by Literally
turkey so dry you'd think you were telling it about your cybertruck
November 28, 2025 at 12:07 AM
turkey so dry you'd think you were telling it about your cybertruck
Reposted by Literally
I almost got up after only four hours of sleep. Then I heard the voice of my dead father tell me to get back in that bed and finish what I started because he didn't raise a quitter.
November 28, 2025 at 3:15 PM
I almost got up after only four hours of sleep. Then I heard the voice of my dead father tell me to get back in that bed and finish what I started because he didn't raise a quitter.
Reposted by Literally
Deciding which show to nap through next is exhausting.
November 22, 2025 at 5:59 PM
Deciding which show to nap through next is exhausting.
Reposted by Literally
I’m a peaceful guy but if you get between me and that 50% off air fryer when they open these doors at 6 you’ll be getting my Dolce and Gabbana tread print on your forehead
November 28, 2025 at 12:05 PM
I’m a peaceful guy but if you get between me and that 50% off air fryer when they open these doors at 6 you’ll be getting my Dolce and Gabbana tread print on your forehead
Reposted by Literally
Rabid jackass. Is this a thing for the most stubborn of us?
November 28, 2025 at 2:56 PM
Rabid jackass. Is this a thing for the most stubborn of us?
It's called KEY lime pie.
Not my fault if no one liked the keys I sprinkled into the pie.
Not my fault if no one liked the keys I sprinkled into the pie.
November 28, 2025 at 2:37 PM
It's called KEY lime pie.
Not my fault if no one liked the keys I sprinkled into the pie.
Not my fault if no one liked the keys I sprinkled into the pie.
Reposted by Literally
Working on my annual Thanksgiving poem to read at the table today what rhymes with ingrates
November 27, 2025 at 12:54 PM
Working on my annual Thanksgiving poem to read at the table today what rhymes with ingrates
What's your favorite porn, and why is it the Thanksgiving-themed one called Gobble Gobble?
November 28, 2025 at 2:13 PM
What's your favorite porn, and why is it the Thanksgiving-themed one called Gobble Gobble?
Reposted by Literally
Exactly what you needed on Thanksgiving
November 27, 2025 at 5:27 PM
Exactly what you needed on Thanksgiving
Reposted by Literally
After the mangoes, the womancomes
November 27, 2025 at 7:41 PM
After the mangoes, the womancomes
One of the most significant things my dad taught me was that bras are called "over the shoulder boulder holders."
November 27, 2025 at 2:40 PM
One of the most significant things my dad taught me was that bras are called "over the shoulder boulder holders."