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Groceries
@crisiscake.bsky.social
· Apr 9
so when i chew carrots & celery it's good for teeth but when I chew ice & sticks it's bad? grow up
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Charlie Brown’s eyes are both on the front of his head, implying that he is a predator
November 25, 2025 at 5:22 AM
Charlie Brown’s eyes are both on the front of his head, implying that he is a predator
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Velociraptor is equal to displacementraptor over timeraptor.
November 25, 2025 at 4:05 AM
Velociraptor is equal to displacementraptor over timeraptor.
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If you’re trying to sell me a shirt with a bow on it, we can talk. If you’re trying to sell me a shirt with ruffles on it, get the hell out of here.
November 25, 2025 at 5:43 AM
If you’re trying to sell me a shirt with a bow on it, we can talk. If you’re trying to sell me a shirt with ruffles on it, get the hell out of here.
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getting an earlier start to the day means there’s more time to focus on vengeance
November 25, 2025 at 10:34 AM
getting an earlier start to the day means there’s more time to focus on vengeance
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Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate the affordability and that the cost hasn't inflated, but I wish Aldi didn't make you buy a 25¢ cart every single time, I am running out of garage and bakyard space
November 24, 2025 at 11:27 PM
Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate the affordability and that the cost hasn't inflated, but I wish Aldi didn't make you buy a 25¢ cart every single time, I am running out of garage and bakyard space
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Man, people get SO pissed when you practice the pan flute in public. The movie hasn’t even started yet, guys
November 25, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Man, people get SO pissed when you practice the pan flute in public. The movie hasn’t even started yet, guys
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Giving you a lollipop after a haircut just stopped one day
November 24, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Giving you a lollipop after a haircut just stopped one day
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I wish Fonzie could just hit the U.S. and it would start working properly again.
November 24, 2025 at 8:38 PM
I wish Fonzie could just hit the U.S. and it would start working properly again.
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My purpose in life is to make things worse.
November 24, 2025 at 11:24 PM
My purpose in life is to make things worse.
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The doom is scrolling from inside the house.
November 24, 2025 at 1:44 PM
The doom is scrolling from inside the house.
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When you find yourself in bear country always carry a steak to throw at any hungry grizzlies that cross your path so they know how delicious you will be.
November 24, 2025 at 2:01 PM
When you find yourself in bear country always carry a steak to throw at any hungry grizzlies that cross your path so they know how delicious you will be.
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Tech bros really can't understand why we're hostile to technology that a) is frequently confidently wrong and b) threatens to ruin our already terrible lives
November 24, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Tech bros really can't understand why we're hostile to technology that a) is frequently confidently wrong and b) threatens to ruin our already terrible lives
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stores be like "today only check out our INSANE DEALS WE ARE TRULY MAD" and it's just them selling items at a reasonable price
November 24, 2025 at 2:20 PM
stores be like "today only check out our INSANE DEALS WE ARE TRULY MAD" and it's just them selling items at a reasonable price
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They can find me guilty but first they have to find me.
November 24, 2025 at 3:01 PM
They can find me guilty but first they have to find me.
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I don't like the things you like, and I'm on the internet SPECIFICALLY to let you know that.
November 24, 2025 at 3:46 PM
I don't like the things you like, and I'm on the internet SPECIFICALLY to let you know that.
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starting a tiktok trend called "Plateless Living" that's just carrying around loose handfuls of spaghetti
November 24, 2025 at 5:00 PM
starting a tiktok trend called "Plateless Living" that's just carrying around loose handfuls of spaghetti
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I feel like I will be an ancient sea crone, possibly in the next 5 minutes
November 24, 2025 at 6:02 PM
I feel like I will be an ancient sea crone, possibly in the next 5 minutes
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that I’m done in eight minutes and when I was done I was like, I didn’t mean to just reenact my whole-ass shower. But you get it now, I’m not like, I’m not fast and loose with the soap, I use it properly. Anyway, that’s my shower and she was like, I was not needing to see that you wash your asshole
November 24, 2025 at 6:09 PM
that I’m done in eight minutes and when I was done I was like, I didn’t mean to just reenact my whole-ass shower. But you get it now, I’m not like, I’m not fast and loose with the soap, I use it properly. Anyway, that’s my shower and she was like, I was not needing to see that you wash your asshole
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JUDGE: How do you plead?
ME: Your Honor, I invoke my Third Amendment rights.
JUDGE: Don't you mean the Fifth Amendment?
ME: No, Your Honor, the Third. I don't want any soldiers quartered in my apartment. At least not until I get the chance to clean up. It's a mess.
ME: Your Honor, I invoke my Third Amendment rights.
JUDGE: Don't you mean the Fifth Amendment?
ME: No, Your Honor, the Third. I don't want any soldiers quartered in my apartment. At least not until I get the chance to clean up. It's a mess.
November 24, 2025 at 6:43 PM
JUDGE: How do you plead?
ME: Your Honor, I invoke my Third Amendment rights.
JUDGE: Don't you mean the Fifth Amendment?
ME: No, Your Honor, the Third. I don't want any soldiers quartered in my apartment. At least not until I get the chance to clean up. It's a mess.
ME: Your Honor, I invoke my Third Amendment rights.
JUDGE: Don't you mean the Fifth Amendment?
ME: No, Your Honor, the Third. I don't want any soldiers quartered in my apartment. At least not until I get the chance to clean up. It's a mess.
i like corn takes, chili takes are ok, hot takes are just like where's the goop & the stick?
November 24, 2025 at 7:57 PM
i like corn takes, chili takes are ok, hot takes are just like where's the goop & the stick?
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so *that's* how you get universal health care
This is Canada, everyone shits out of the same butt (due to the metric system)
November 24, 2025 at 7:18 PM
so *that's* how you get universal health care
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Every time I've taken my phone off silent has been a mistake.
November 24, 2025 at 7:18 PM
Every time I've taken my phone off silent has been a mistake.
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I can't find my ceremonial porcupine.
November 24, 2025 at 7:20 PM
I can't find my ceremonial porcupine.
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when I was 5 or 6, I saw my mom pull out a box of bouillon cubes for the meal she was making and I insisted I be given a piece of said candy. instead of explaining what it actually was, she let me eat one. b e e f.
November 24, 2025 at 7:18 PM
when I was 5 or 6, I saw my mom pull out a box of bouillon cubes for the meal she was making and I insisted I be given a piece of said candy. instead of explaining what it actually was, she let me eat one. b e e f.