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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice
@beefcarcass.bsky.social
4.8K followers 650 following 1.1K posts
Writer of stuff. Website: beefcarcass.com Posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaatdk2bj2ce Tips appreciated: https://ko-fi.com/noahwesley avi by geraldinepiche.bsky.social
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · Jul 18
beefcarcass.com/that-time-i-...
THAT TIME I WENT TO THE MOVIES - beefcarcass.com
Do you wanna hear about that time I went to the movies? Why not? Are you too busy? Or are you just stupid? It's probably the stupid thing.
beefcarcass.com
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Reposted by slice
beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · Oct 4
On a scale of one to ten my dick is about three inches
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Reposted by slice
beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 1d
Explaining to my date that I’ve never even pooped one time ever in my life and I have no idea where that poop came from
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 1d
Explaining to my date that I’ve never even pooped one time ever in my life and I have no idea where that poop came from
3 11
beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 1d
Coroner: Victim appears to have been beaten, stabbed multiple times in the chest, and finally decapitated.
Me: Better inspect his penis
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 2d
Dracula.
Comic strip. First panel: Count Dracula entertains guests at a long dining table. One guest asks, “So, Count… care for some blood?” Second panel: Dracula starts, “No, I never drink—” and cuts himself off. Third panel: Dracula, face full of confusion asks, “Wait, what did you say?” Fourth panel: Guest repeats, “Do you want some blood?” Fifth panel: Dracula, flummoxed, says, “No, you’re supposed to say—” Sixth panel: Guest says, “I’m supposed to what now?” Seventh panel: Dracula, stammering, says, “You… after you say wine, I say—” Eighth panel: Guest, grinning, says, “Fuck you, Dracula.”
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amutepiggy.bsky.social
alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 3d
(respectfully) Diane Keatoff
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 6d
If I ever win the lottery, I won’t say anything, but there will be signs
Prostate exam simulator complete with tiny rubber balls and wiener
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 6d
Hair.
Comic strip. First panel: Man says to his wife, “Honey, be honest… if I lost all my hair, would you think I’m just a fat, disgusting, premature ejaculator with a shitty job and no prospects?” Second panel: Wife says, “I don’t like your hair either.”
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 9d
After nine Ant-Man movies I bet Paul Rudd has to eat like a pound of ants to get aroused sexually
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probgobl.in
Johnny Normality (Spooky Mode) @probgobl.in · 15d
WE SHOULD MAKE MORE HOLOGRAMS OF CELEBRITIES AND WE SHOULD MAKE THEM CAPABLE OF SUFFERING.
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 13d
Screaming at my infant son about how I’m a warrior and how I have the best warrior ethos
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 15d
I’m covered in rapture sauce
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 19d
If I ever lose an arm I’m stealing the arm of the closest person to me
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 21d
Oh no they only raptured my penis
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 23d
But I’ve never sinned even one time
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 23d
When you guys get raptured can I have your stuff
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 23d
Increasingly optimistic about the coming post-rapture economy
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 23d
Clogging a toilet with a different toilet
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 23d
We are all charlie kirk
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somecleverthing.bsky.social
crappystuffforjerks @somecleverthing.bsky.social · 26d
Well, Boatloaf, it began as a typo.
But as soon as I saw it I knew: one day it would be the name of my son.
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 25d
First date idea: I keep farting and vehemently refuse to stop
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · Sep 1
Getting road head on a bicycle
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 29d
Greg
beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 29d
Me and the boys are discussing our favorite Will Smith moments
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 29d
Guys they just fired me for taking off my mandatory rubber charlie kirk mask but in my defense it was really sweaty in there and the eyes were too close together
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