John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
Opinions expressed here are not the opinions of my employer. They are the opinions of Elvis Presley as relayed to me telepathically by the inhabitants of Venus. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nvcwxxjti7dvgqovf2rrml2c/feed/aaaj5zycfldqi
Pinned
John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
· Apr 30
“I figured out who the killer is. I could go to the police, but instead I’ll confront the killer alone in an isolated place without telling anyone where I am.” -TV show characters
Reposted by John Lyon
To quote my daughter, "I wish I could do backflips. That way, when someone asks me an awkward question, I can do a backflip and then walk away. They probably won't follow me."
March 30, 2025 at 4:39 AM
To quote my daughter, "I wish I could do backflips. That way, when someone asks me an awkward question, I can do a backflip and then walk away. They probably won't follow me."
Reposted by John Lyon
As a kid I looked forward to the future. But now I hate it here.
For every cool picture I see these days, my first thoughts are "Is it AI?"
For every cool picture I see these days, my first thoughts are "Is it AI?"
November 6, 2025 at 1:15 AM
As a kid I looked forward to the future. But now I hate it here.
For every cool picture I see these days, my first thoughts are "Is it AI?"
For every cool picture I see these days, my first thoughts are "Is it AI?"
Reposted by John Lyon
Real estate agents imply the existence of Fantasy estate agents
November 6, 2025 at 2:11 AM
Real estate agents imply the existence of Fantasy estate agents
Reposted by John Lyon
If I suddenly became a shape-shifter the first thing I'd shapeshift into would be me, but able to eat a cake without gaining weight.
November 15, 2025 at 1:28 PM
If I suddenly became a shape-shifter the first thing I'd shapeshift into would be me, but able to eat a cake without gaining weight.
Reposted by John Lyon
I like my girls like I like my life challenges. Easy
December 6, 2024 at 2:47 PM
I like my girls like I like my life challenges. Easy
Reposted by John Lyon
I laughed, I cried, I was a little sick in my mouth but swallowed it back down again.
November 21, 2025 at 5:44 PM
I laughed, I cried, I was a little sick in my mouth but swallowed it back down again.
Reposted by John Lyon
*sees a sappy tweet*
I remember when I felt hope
I remember when I felt hope
November 21, 2025 at 1:48 AM
*sees a sappy tweet*
I remember when I felt hope
I remember when I felt hope
Reposted by John Lyon
I apologize in advance if my posts over the next few days aren't up to snuff. I had to fire my QA team. They kept insisting my posts be either "funny" or "insightful". That's just not the brand I'm trying to build.
November 21, 2025 at 1:58 AM
I apologize in advance if my posts over the next few days aren't up to snuff. I had to fire my QA team. They kept insisting my posts be either "funny" or "insightful". That's just not the brand I'm trying to build.
Reposted by John Lyon
you’re in her DMs. i’m DMing for a bunch of nerds. we are not on the same quest
November 20, 2025 at 11:15 PM
you’re in her DMs. i’m DMing for a bunch of nerds. we are not on the same quest
Reposted by John Lyon
How dare you give me the tools to help myself.
November 21, 2025 at 6:35 PM
How dare you give me the tools to help myself.
Reposted by John Lyon
don't judge a man 'til you've walked a mile in his shoes all the way to the courthouse where you put on a black robe and get your gavel and tell the bailiff to bring in the next defendant and hear their testimony and make a decision by fairly interpreting and applying the law and
October 8, 2025 at 8:20 PM
don't judge a man 'til you've walked a mile in his shoes all the way to the courthouse where you put on a black robe and get your gavel and tell the bailiff to bring in the next defendant and hear their testimony and make a decision by fairly interpreting and applying the law and
Reposted by John Lyon
I blocked my air conditioner. I'm 3000 miles from home and it just texted me that it's time to change the air filter.
November 20, 2025 at 4:11 AM
I blocked my air conditioner. I'm 3000 miles from home and it just texted me that it's time to change the air filter.
Reposted by John Lyon
Science Fiction was invented in 1936 by the National Association of Jumpsuit Manufacturers.
November 19, 2025 at 5:05 AM
Science Fiction was invented in 1936 by the National Association of Jumpsuit Manufacturers.
Reposted by John Lyon
You hate me and I’m just here
November 20, 2025 at 3:57 AM
You hate me and I’m just here
Reposted by John Lyon
the celebratory friday cheese has been consumed hence the weekend may now commence
November 21, 2025 at 6:38 AM
the celebratory friday cheese has been consumed hence the weekend may now commence
Reposted by John Lyon
Sorry I dropped my accordion during the moment of silence.
November 21, 2024 at 6:02 PM
Sorry I dropped my accordion during the moment of silence.
Reposted by John Lyon
I may be sad all the time, but that just means I’m consistent
November 15, 2025 at 1:40 AM
I may be sad all the time, but that just means I’m consistent
Reposted by John Lyon
It was mine too but…
my guiding principle in life is to Not end up on Dateline NBC
November 21, 2025 at 5:51 AM
It was mine too but…
Reposted by John Lyon
Turn around and you’re in your fifties, elbows deep in thirty-five pounds of egg salad, wondering exactly where it all went wrong.
November 3, 2025 at 4:09 AM
Turn around and you’re in your fifties, elbows deep in thirty-five pounds of egg salad, wondering exactly where it all went wrong.
Reposted by John Lyon
I hope my made up words don't make you.....discomfortable
November 15, 2025 at 11:58 PM
I hope my made up words don't make you.....discomfortable
Reposted by John Lyon
Having this weird feeling... it's vaguely familiar...
...Omg you guys is this hope??
...Omg you guys is this hope??
November 5, 2025 at 7:46 AM
Having this weird feeling... it's vaguely familiar...
...Omg you guys is this hope??
...Omg you guys is this hope??
Reposted by John Lyon
Welcome to your 50’s. You’re sleepy but you have insomnia
November 21, 2025 at 7:39 AM
Welcome to your 50’s. You’re sleepy but you have insomnia
Reposted by John Lyon
When one door closes…it’s hitting me on the ass on the way out
November 21, 2025 at 9:24 AM
When one door closes…it’s hitting me on the ass on the way out
Reposted by John Lyon
This time of year when you rage against the machine chances are that machine is a neighbor's noisy leaf blower.
November 19, 2025 at 3:31 PM
This time of year when you rage against the machine chances are that machine is a neighbor's noisy leaf blower.
Reposted by John Lyon
Why call it rubber dogshit when the word shampoo was available?
November 14, 2025 at 10:05 PM
Why call it rubber dogshit when the word shampoo was available?