dave the turkey crab
@crabbydaddy.bsky.social
CrabbyDaCrab from Twitter
architect - but unplanned life
mildly amusing musings when high
we have one race: human. be kind. 🏳️🌈
architect - but unplanned life
mildly amusing musings when high
we have one race: human. be kind. 🏳️🌈
Pinned
Sometimes I feel as if we’re all Schrodinger's cat.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
What in the festive fuck
November 18, 2025 at 12:49 AM
What in the festive fuck
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
No one in this ball pit is taking me seriously.
November 18, 2025 at 7:14 PM
No one in this ball pit is taking me seriously.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Make sure you regret it by doing it again.
November 16, 2025 at 7:01 PM
Make sure you regret it by doing it again.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Unpopular opinion: my opinions should be more popular
November 18, 2025 at 9:33 PM
Unpopular opinion: my opinions should be more popular
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
i shaved off his soul patch and now i control him
November 18, 2025 at 8:46 PM
i shaved off his soul patch and now i control him
if one could order iguanas from amazon one would have two dozen iguanas tomorrow cause iguanas is cool
November 19, 2025 at 12:48 AM
if one could order iguanas from amazon one would have two dozen iguanas tomorrow cause iguanas is cool
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
this is the fucking longest episode of Black Mirror ever
July 24, 2025 at 3:41 AM
this is the fucking longest episode of Black Mirror ever
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Boundaries are for dumbasses - according to my cats.
November 19, 2025 at 12:34 AM
Boundaries are for dumbasses - according to my cats.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Conquering chronic lateness by never going anywhere 😎
November 16, 2025 at 4:18 PM
Conquering chronic lateness by never going anywhere 😎
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
my greatest enemy is imposter syndrome
November 18, 2025 at 7:19 PM
my greatest enemy is imposter syndrome
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
you know, I really didn't think I'd be online this long. I think I thought I would run into someone, fall in love, and never log on again.
November 18, 2025 at 11:40 PM
you know, I really didn't think I'd be online this long. I think I thought I would run into someone, fall in love, and never log on again.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
hold on is everyone dating what the hell
November 16, 2025 at 3:11 AM
hold on is everyone dating what the hell
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
I keep my bouncy castle in the basement so I don't get blown away.
November 16, 2025 at 5:55 PM
I keep my bouncy castle in the basement so I don't get blown away.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
It's not a crown it's a coronet. A crown would make me look ridiculous.
November 16, 2025 at 5:46 PM
It's not a crown it's a coronet. A crown would make me look ridiculous.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
I'm at my most North American when I make tater tot casserole for dinner
November 17, 2025 at 4:15 AM
I'm at my most North American when I make tater tot casserole for dinner
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
When I misread the signs and think my cat wants a nose boop.
November 16, 2025 at 4:40 PM
When I misread the signs and think my cat wants a nose boop.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
the 3 most important things about regional accents are locution, locution, locution it took me 4 hrs to write this crap you’re welcome
November 17, 2025 at 5:31 PM
the 3 most important things about regional accents are locution, locution, locution it took me 4 hrs to write this crap you’re welcome
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
When you accidentally say what you subconsciously desire, you’re playing on the Freudian Slip ‘N Slide.
November 17, 2025 at 6:06 PM
When you accidentally say what you subconsciously desire, you’re playing on the Freudian Slip ‘N Slide.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Everybody stop, turn your keyboard upside down, and shake it. Why did everything bagel seasoning fall out?
November 17, 2025 at 2:35 PM
Everybody stop, turn your keyboard upside down, and shake it. Why did everything bagel seasoning fall out?
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
If you ask me there’s no way Prince Charming would have tried quite so hard to find Cinders had she been wearing glass Crocs.
November 16, 2025 at 2:19 PM
If you ask me there’s no way Prince Charming would have tried quite so hard to find Cinders had she been wearing glass Crocs.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
No toddler in the world would ever pass a field sobriety test
November 17, 2025 at 3:31 PM
No toddler in the world would ever pass a field sobriety test
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
“My dad is so old…”
“How old is he?”
“He’s so old, we call him the 20th century fox!”
“How old is he?”
“He’s so old, we call him the 20th century fox!”
November 18, 2025 at 2:19 PM
“My dad is so old…”
“How old is he?”
“He’s so old, we call him the 20th century fox!”
“How old is he?”
“He’s so old, we call him the 20th century fox!”
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
wife: would you ever pay for sex?
me: before I respond is this a serious offer and how much are you asking for?
me: before I respond is this a serious offer and how much are you asking for?
November 18, 2025 at 1:57 PM
wife: would you ever pay for sex?
me: before I respond is this a serious offer and how much are you asking for?
me: before I respond is this a serious offer and how much are you asking for?