Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
Pilot. Mancub. Liar. πΈπ€
header by the great Marf Salvador
avi by @frovo.bsky.social
He/Him
π: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:bmvl67povgevf645aj6vfpje/feed/aaab5d3sxupgm
header by the great Marf Salvador
avi by @frovo.bsky.social
He/Him
π: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:bmvl67povgevf645aj6vfpje/feed/aaab5d3sxupgm
Pinned
PRIEST: do you have the ring
ME: *still staring into my fiancΓ©βs eyes* yes on dvd
ME: *still staring into my fiancΓ©βs eyes* yes on dvd
Hello and also WTF
December 15, 2025 at 4:17 AM
Hello and also WTF
Reposted by Swim Jeans π
Most people who say "I'm bad with names" mean they can't remember them. But I'm bad with names in another way. Anyway, meet my son Dipshit
December 12, 2025 at 4:59 PM
Most people who say "I'm bad with names" mean they can't remember them. But I'm bad with names in another way. Anyway, meet my son Dipshit
Reposted by Swim Jeans π
youβve heard of posting good, now get ready for posting real fuckin bad
December 13, 2025 at 3:12 AM
youβve heard of posting good, now get ready for posting real fuckin bad
Reposted by Swim Jeans π
Sorry for the mean things I said when my phone updated
December 13, 2025 at 3:04 AM
Sorry for the mean things I said when my phone updated
HULK HOGAN THE POOH: oh brother
December 12, 2025 at 12:23 AM
HULK HOGAN THE POOH: oh brother
Reposted by Swim Jeans π
[folds menu gently and hands to server]
please may I have the applebee
please may I have the applebee
September 13, 2025 at 3:52 PM
[folds menu gently and hands to server]
please may I have the applebee
please may I have the applebee
Reposted by Swim Jeans π
My kidβs gonna teach me how to do Microsoft Excel so I can finally figure out whoβs zoominβ who
December 9, 2025 at 10:47 PM
My kidβs gonna teach me how to do Microsoft Excel so I can finally figure out whoβs zoominβ who
ME: oh cool I love deep purple
BULLY [twisting my nipples even harder]: how does this not hurt
BULLY [twisting my nipples even harder]: how does this not hurt
December 10, 2025 at 4:01 PM
ME: oh cool I love deep purple
BULLY [twisting my nipples even harder]: how does this not hurt
BULLY [twisting my nipples even harder]: how does this not hurt
Reposted by Swim Jeans π
Realized I never said "unquote" after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I've said since is Shakespeare
May 18, 2023 at 3:18 PM
Realized I never said "unquote" after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I've said since is Shakespeare
Classic Phil ππ
December 9, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Classic Phil ππ
Amazonβs sure got their finger on the holiday pulse
December 9, 2025 at 3:30 PM
Amazonβs sure got their finger on the holiday pulse
ME: Iβm not really into horror scenes or melodramatic roles, I canβt cry on command and I definitely wonβt do nudity
KFC RECRUITER: ok
KFC RECRUITER: ok
December 8, 2025 at 8:24 PM
ME: Iβm not really into horror scenes or melodramatic roles, I canβt cry on command and I definitely wonβt do nudity
KFC RECRUITER: ok
KFC RECRUITER: ok
Reposted by Swim Jeans π
if i knew how to do Spock's neck pinch i would likely only ever use it on myself
December 8, 2025 at 12:34 AM
if i knew how to do Spock's neck pinch i would likely only ever use it on myself
Reposted by Swim Jeans π
we are all beings of pure light just some of us that light is boring and sucks a little
December 7, 2025 at 2:03 AM
we are all beings of pure light just some of us that light is boring and sucks a little
Reposted by Swim Jeans π
Pouring one out for the homies (dropping an excedrin under the fridge)
December 6, 2025 at 12:36 PM
Pouring one out for the homies (dropping an excedrin under the fridge)
Reposted by Swim Jeans π
[shopping for Christmas decorations] you have any of that long glitter
December 7, 2025 at 3:36 AM
[shopping for Christmas decorations] you have any of that long glitter
Sums up the Bears Packersπ
December 8, 2025 at 2:41 AM
Sums up the Bears Packersπ
ME [arriving for my eye exam]: is this the right place
GUY BEHIND THE DELI COUNTER: no
GUY BEHIND THE DELI COUNTER: no
December 5, 2025 at 10:10 PM
ME [arriving for my eye exam]: is this the right place
GUY BEHIND THE DELI COUNTER: no
GUY BEHIND THE DELI COUNTER: no
Reposted by Swim Jeans π
Arriving at my funeral, you are woefully unprepared for the sight of my embalmed corpse doing full Van Damme splits between two coffins.
November 28, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Arriving at my funeral, you are woefully unprepared for the sight of my embalmed corpse doing full Van Damme splits between two coffins.
Reposted by Swim Jeans π
Big deal, I know, like, six people who know everything
October 25, 2025 at 4:15 AM
Big deal, I know, like, six people who know everything
Reposted by Swim Jeans π
Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just glad the boys are back in town
January 6, 2025 at 7:18 AM
Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just glad the boys are back in town