dave the turkey crab
@crabbydaddy.bsky.social
CrabbyDaCrab from Twitter
IT’S A JOKE PEOPLE. FFS 🙄
mildly amusing musings when high
we have one race: human. be kind. 🏳️🌈
IT’S A JOKE PEOPLE. FFS 🙄
mildly amusing musings when high
we have one race: human. be kind. 🏳️🌈
Pinned
When dancing with the right person, you don’t need music.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Rocking back and forth in the fetal position really works your core
November 29, 2025 at 2:57 PM
Rocking back and forth in the fetal position really works your core
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
they just told me their name and I already forgot it, Charlie Brown.
December 1, 2025 at 3:41 AM
they just told me their name and I already forgot it, Charlie Brown.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Hey, I got sheets on my bed!
And might have flung my remote someplace sketchy like behind the bed.
That's a tomorrow problem.
And might have flung my remote someplace sketchy like behind the bed.
That's a tomorrow problem.
December 1, 2025 at 3:56 AM
Hey, I got sheets on my bed!
And might have flung my remote someplace sketchy like behind the bed.
That's a tomorrow problem.
And might have flung my remote someplace sketchy like behind the bed.
That's a tomorrow problem.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Just dropped the first chocolate from the advent calendar on the floor, and trying to decide if this is portentous.
December 1, 2025 at 3:57 AM
Just dropped the first chocolate from the advent calendar on the floor, and trying to decide if this is portentous.
ending a first date:
me: so you want to meet again sometime next week?
her: idk, i have some reservations
me: you don’t need a reservation with me
her:
me: is that a no?
me: so you want to meet again sometime next week?
her: idk, i have some reservations
me: you don’t need a reservation with me
her:
me: is that a no?
December 1, 2025 at 3:57 AM
ending a first date:
me: so you want to meet again sometime next week?
her: idk, i have some reservations
me: you don’t need a reservation with me
her:
me: is that a no?
me: so you want to meet again sometime next week?
her: idk, i have some reservations
me: you don’t need a reservation with me
her:
me: is that a no?
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
reverse mortgage cowgirl
December 1, 2025 at 3:00 AM
reverse mortgage cowgirl
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
My annual physical is tomorrow. I should probably start working out today.
January 29, 2025 at 2:46 PM
My annual physical is tomorrow. I should probably start working out today.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
*seductively* sooo.. is there a mama roach?
December 1, 2025 at 3:41 AM
*seductively* sooo.. is there a mama roach?
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
DON'T TRY TO FORCE THE POSTS OR YOU'LL INFECT THE WHOLE AREA.
November 26, 2025 at 4:26 AM
DON'T TRY TO FORCE THE POSTS OR YOU'LL INFECT THE WHOLE AREA.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Imagine hating me and I’m over here getting a refill on prescription deviled eggs
November 30, 2025 at 11:03 PM
Imagine hating me and I’m over here getting a refill on prescription deviled eggs
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
i remember when rock bottom was substantially higher than this
December 1, 2025 at 2:30 AM
i remember when rock bottom was substantially higher than this
a friend on the west coast said she needed to ask my advice on something and will call at 9:30 pm my time
i hope she doesn’t expect much as i’m a glass of wine and gummy in and i’m just full of bad advice
i hope she doesn’t expect much as i’m a glass of wine and gummy in and i’m just full of bad advice
December 1, 2025 at 2:13 AM
a friend on the west coast said she needed to ask my advice on something and will call at 9:30 pm my time
i hope she doesn’t expect much as i’m a glass of wine and gummy in and i’m just full of bad advice
i hope she doesn’t expect much as i’m a glass of wine and gummy in and i’m just full of bad advice
the problem with gummies is that it takes more time than you think it should so you have more to speed it up which isn’t how digestion works
at all
at all
December 1, 2025 at 1:36 AM
the problem with gummies is that it takes more time than you think it should so you have more to speed it up which isn’t how digestion works
at all
at all
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Me: refuses to watch perfectly good movies I had been looking forward to, because my brain doesn't WANT to feel happy I GUESS, and instead goes back to ornament exchange shopping while watching kaiju
December 1, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Me: refuses to watch perfectly good movies I had been looking forward to, because my brain doesn't WANT to feel happy I GUESS, and instead goes back to ornament exchange shopping while watching kaiju
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
call me biscuit baby, the way I be kneading it
November 30, 2025 at 5:12 PM
call me biscuit baby, the way I be kneading it
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Me: my eyes hurt. I need to close them for a sec
Also me: the elderly era begins
Also me: the elderly era begins
December 1, 2025 at 12:50 AM
Me: my eyes hurt. I need to close them for a sec
Also me: the elderly era begins
Also me: the elderly era begins
you’re like the wind beneath my wings if i had wings and you were windy
December 1, 2025 at 12:57 AM
you’re like the wind beneath my wings if i had wings and you were windy
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
it's always the worst people who want to be immortal. how come it's never the cool ones like you and me?
November 30, 2025 at 10:37 PM
it's always the worst people who want to be immortal. how come it's never the cool ones like you and me?
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Take her shopping for his and her coffins on the first date to show how committed you are to making the relationship work.
November 29, 2025 at 4:47 PM
Take her shopping for his and her coffins on the first date to show how committed you are to making the relationship work.
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
ties you up and makes you listen to me sing karaoke
December 1, 2025 at 12:16 AM
ties you up and makes you listen to me sing karaoke
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
don’t wanna be a one night stand, but also don’t wanna be a wife: a book on my dating life
November 29, 2025 at 11:23 PM
don’t wanna be a one night stand, but also don’t wanna be a wife: a book on my dating life
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
a bumper sticker that says i brake for fucks 🦆
November 30, 2025 at 9:41 PM
a bumper sticker that says i brake for fucks 🦆
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
holiday scenes but with muppets: thread
November 30, 2025 at 11:17 PM
holiday scenes but with muppets: thread
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Of all the butters, peanut is the worst lubricant
December 1, 2025 at 12:06 AM
Of all the butters, peanut is the worst lubricant
Reposted by dave the turkey crab
Beauty comes in all sizes and shapes-
Small
Medium
Large
Circle
Square
Thin crust
Thick crust
Stuffed crust
Extra toppings
Small
Medium
Large
Circle
Square
Thin crust
Thick crust
Stuffed crust
Extra toppings
February 24, 2025 at 4:04 PM
Beauty comes in all sizes and shapes-
Small
Medium
Large
Circle
Square
Thin crust
Thick crust
Stuffed crust
Extra toppings
Small
Medium
Large
Circle
Square
Thin crust
Thick crust
Stuffed crust
Extra toppings