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ghost crab

@crabbydaddy.bsky.social

2.2K followers 1.8K following 7.4K posts

CrabbyDaCrab from Twitter architect, divorced from reality, crabby while in season we have one race: human. be kind. 🏳️‍🌈

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ghost crab @crabbydaddy.bsky.social · May 26

Sometimes I feel as if we’re all Schrodinger's cat.

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Sooz @cruisinsoozan.bsky.social · 10h

my Fitbit zone minutes were all anxiety minutes today… if I relax my shoulders, my head will pop right off

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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 12h

we’ll we’ll we’ll if it isn’t my old friend autocorrect

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Devi 🧙‍♀️✨ @deviwestside.bsky.social · 9h

Lead singer: everybody jump

Me: not with these knees

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ghost crab @crabbydaddy.bsky.social · 9h

*sitting in the dentist chair being raised by the hygienist*

me: i bet this is how a car feels before its oil is changed

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Pandy Fackler 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · Sep 11

(First date)
Him: I want a relationship without any games

Me: (furiously trying to shove candyland back into my purse)

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RXSarsparilla🎉 @gypsymoon1969.bsky.social · 6d

Guys...I'm tired. Thanks for not being mean, terrible people. It helps.

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Bigthinkingcap @bigthinkingcap.bsky.social · 13d

you’ve some nerve telling me I can do better when I gave you my best

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bloody bacon popsicle ✋ @gupton68.bsky.social · 4d

I just managed to fall asleep standing up so don’t tell me men don’t know how to multitask.

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👻 S P O O K E R S T A R fish 👻 @quicklycrocodile.bsky.social · 3d

it was fine when it was all theoretical* but i haven’t been a fan of the consequences**

*aging
**body crumbing and turning to dust

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supernatural siren @porcelainsiren.bsky.social · 3d

you won't find me on mastodon, but you're welcome to find me on venmo

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👻 S P O O K E R S T A R fish 👻 @quicklycrocodile.bsky.social · 3d

can’t smoke, can’t drink, and now i’m hearing it’s dangerous to eat 3kg of candy in 3 days?? sure, OK FUN POLICE 😤

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 3d

you crazy fucks help keep me sane, which is such an insane thing to say

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Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 2d

Autocorrect automatically adds imaginary when I type "friend."

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 2d

if it doesn’t rain when you’re sad
that means mother nature doesn’t like you

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ghost crab @crabbydaddy.bsky.social · 9h

sometimes you only get what you need
i always need more chocolate

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👻 S P O O K E R S T A R fish 👻 @quicklycrocodile.bsky.social · 2d

i wonder what i will want when i get what i want

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Jim @jimstewart.bsky.social · 9h

Finn telling the neighbor cats that he runs this street.

Finn the feral rescue stands in the street by the mailbox.

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Paul Frazee @pfrazee.com · 9h

Don't tread on my robogirlfriend. is that a good post.

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ghost crab @crabbydaddy.bsky.social · 9h

People. That’s the problem. It’s always the problem. Magic wanding them into puppies would solve it.

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ghost crab @crabbydaddy.bsky.social · 9h

I’ve been bitten by a duck tho.

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ghost crab @crabbydaddy.bsky.social · 9h

I don’t wanna know. 🙃😘

a man sitting on a bed with the words no clue written on the bottom

Alt: David sitting on a bed with the words no clue written on the bottom

media.tenor.com

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RXSarsparilla🎉 @gypsymoon1969.bsky.social · 11h

One of my daughter's first words was "taco" largely because my nephew made that his mission.

Chris Steller @chrissteller.bsky.social · 11h

I now know someone whose first words were "I want cheese"

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ghost crab @crabbydaddy.bsky.social · 10h

They have the urge to bite.
I can’t even do that with my ducks.

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ghost crab @crabbydaddy.bsky.social · 10h

Is it a Lois Lane?
That would be Super. ❤️

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Careful, Jenn Bites 🧛🏻‍♀️🩷🧛🏻‍♀️ @alldolledup44.bsky.social · 10h

One thing about me is that I’m gonna stay in my lane and mind my own fucking business. 🩷

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