Eyes are the tits of the face

FINDS THEM AND KILLS THEM

"Finds Them and Kills Them (Osh-Tisch) looked like a man, but wore women's clothing and had the heart of a woman.... she was brave and good."
― Pretty Shield

Her strength as a warrior is what earned her the name Osh-Tisch, which translates to “finds them and kills them."

“I couldn’t agree more” is the ninja of insults.

NO TIME TO EXPLAIN, WE RIDE AT DUSK!

here it is, in case you need it

there's this video where this little kid is running down a hill, hits the side of a car, impact makes a huge sound, kid falls down, and yells, "i'm okay!"

so anyway, I'm okay. are you okay?

I just felt a small, but genuine thrill when noticing we’d finally finished the awful lemon-scented hand soap in the kitchen, and it had been replaced with my favorite cherry blossom soap. It would seem that I have a favorite hand soap. Such is the rock and roll lifestyle I lead.

*Twinkling sad music plays in the background of my confessional interview as I express how I wish I could pull off bangs like Stevie Nicks*

we got this

He set about doing the dishes with a sort of wild abandon he had never known in his youth, had never imagined possible. One, two! One, two! Plates and glasses, forks and knives, all fell before him. One, two! One, two! "Snicker-snack!" he shouted, startling the cat.

[giving treats to dog]
thank you for not being people

Ah October, when cutesy-boo inflatable lawn ghosts with Mickey ears coexist on the same block as imitation dissected cadavers so ickily realistic that I couldn't decide whether to look twice or look away.

Telling you about my dream cause you’re supposed to write it down before you forget so you can unravel the mysteries of life

When Robert Frost drives...

A properly stocked purse will allow you to survive the apocalypse. Ask me how I know.

Why are they called air marshals and not plane clothes policemen

we all got that one sullen homie whose leitmotif shares a chord progression and instrumention with an enemy whose identity is yet revealed

i love how when i grab my purse it rattles like a threatened snake bc of the giant bottle of advil i carry around with me everywhere

Might’ve gone up in the sky today…very very cool

Flying saucers now emitting jaunty tunes to not be mistaken for an electric car, it's jalopy ironic adjacent

That was sarcasm? Huh. Go figure.

Words of wisdom overheard on the bike path:
"Bro, your life is straight out of a telenovela. You think she's gonna stop this shit when you get married and I'm telling you straight - she is not going to stop this shit when you get married."

The picture I saw in the picture doesn't look like the picture I ordered. You bet I complained! They told me the picture I have is indeed the picture in the picture. Words were exchanged, most of them were the word "picture". Then they told me I'm seeing things. I said duh, that how seeing works.