@rudemorgue.bsky.social
Huckster and charlatan. Underachiever. Constructive critic.
Pinned
"With that hat and that beard I thought for a second you were an old person."
- My Six Year Old Nephew
- My Six Year Old Nephew
Reposted
every cat has main character syndrome and every dog is super stoked to be player two
November 2, 2025 at 6:38 AM
every cat has main character syndrome and every dog is super stoked to be player two
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hey girl, are you ahead of me in line at the deli counter? cause i would love to have your number
October 30, 2025 at 11:44 PM
hey girl, are you ahead of me in line at the deli counter? cause i would love to have your number
Guy: So we're gonna have (3 different systems) at this desk.
Me: They can't share payment devices. So ... three credit card readers?
Guy: Would that be confusing?
Me: No. Two would be confusing. Three is sketch comedy.
Me: They can't share payment devices. So ... three credit card readers?
Guy: Would that be confusing?
Me: No. Two would be confusing. Three is sketch comedy.
October 29, 2025 at 7:46 PM
Guy: So we're gonna have (3 different systems) at this desk.
Me: They can't share payment devices. So ... three credit card readers?
Guy: Would that be confusing?
Me: No. Two would be confusing. Three is sketch comedy.
Me: They can't share payment devices. So ... three credit card readers?
Guy: Would that be confusing?
Me: No. Two would be confusing. Three is sketch comedy.
Guy on site: Is that a 3/4 conduit?
Me: It looks like it.
Guy: We're gonna need 1" right?
Me: *nods sagely* Yeah, I think so.
(I don't know what the conduit is for.)
Me: It looks like it.
Guy: We're gonna need 1" right?
Me: *nods sagely* Yeah, I think so.
(I don't know what the conduit is for.)
October 29, 2025 at 7:40 PM
Guy on site: Is that a 3/4 conduit?
Me: It looks like it.
Guy: We're gonna need 1" right?
Me: *nods sagely* Yeah, I think so.
(I don't know what the conduit is for.)
Me: It looks like it.
Guy: We're gonna need 1" right?
Me: *nods sagely* Yeah, I think so.
(I don't know what the conduit is for.)
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not being able to eat something called a zamboni just feels wrong
October 29, 2025 at 11:41 AM
not being able to eat something called a zamboni just feels wrong
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OUTLOOK: You replied to this message on 5/22/2025 11:44 AM.
ME: Oh that's really helpful actually. Can I see the reply?
OUTLOOK: What reply?
ME: The reply I sent to the message.
OUTLOOK: What message?
ME: Oh that's really helpful actually. Can I see the reply?
OUTLOOK: What reply?
ME: The reply I sent to the message.
OUTLOOK: What message?
October 28, 2025 at 5:24 PM
OUTLOOK: You replied to this message on 5/22/2025 11:44 AM.
ME: Oh that's really helpful actually. Can I see the reply?
OUTLOOK: What reply?
ME: The reply I sent to the message.
OUTLOOK: What message?
ME: Oh that's really helpful actually. Can I see the reply?
OUTLOOK: What reply?
ME: The reply I sent to the message.
OUTLOOK: What message?
Reposted
Good morning to whom it may concern.
October 28, 2025 at 2:06 PM
Good morning to whom it may concern.
Reposted
specific maguffin aside ("TEH AUTOPEN") what they are doing here is laying the groundwork for undoing a previous president's orders due to mental incapacitation and we'll see how that bold strategy eventually works out for them I guess
Mike Johnson: "Every executive action signed by the autopen without written authorization should be voided ... including all the pardons that he signed."
October 28, 2025 at 2:25 PM
specific maguffin aside ("TEH AUTOPEN") what they are doing here is laying the groundwork for undoing a previous president's orders due to mental incapacitation and we'll see how that bold strategy eventually works out for them I guess
Every conversation with two Texans about food:
T1: You should go to Restaurant 1. They got the best brisket burger in the world.
Me: That sounds good.
T2: Yeah it's great. Restaurant 2 is really good too. You could go there.
T1: Oh yeah, their Texas brisketburger is the best in the world.
T1: You should go to Restaurant 1. They got the best brisket burger in the world.
Me: That sounds good.
T2: Yeah it's great. Restaurant 2 is really good too. You could go there.
T1: Oh yeah, their Texas brisketburger is the best in the world.
October 28, 2025 at 3:44 PM
Every conversation with two Texans about food:
T1: You should go to Restaurant 1. They got the best brisket burger in the world.
Me: That sounds good.
T2: Yeah it's great. Restaurant 2 is really good too. You could go there.
T1: Oh yeah, their Texas brisketburger is the best in the world.
T1: You should go to Restaurant 1. They got the best brisket burger in the world.
Me: That sounds good.
T2: Yeah it's great. Restaurant 2 is really good too. You could go there.
T1: Oh yeah, their Texas brisketburger is the best in the world.
The best thing about visiting a construction site for a week is ... I'm sure there's something.
October 28, 2025 at 3:25 PM
The best thing about visiting a construction site for a week is ... I'm sure there's something.
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The fuckery is starting early today. Good morning! 🩷
October 28, 2025 at 12:25 PM
The fuckery is starting early today. Good morning! 🩷
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if you have a slot for letters in your front door you technically live inside a mailbox
October 28, 2025 at 12:59 PM
if you have a slot for letters in your front door you technically live inside a mailbox
Reposted
Trump Says He Won’t Rule Out Third Reich
October 27, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Trump Says He Won’t Rule Out Third Reich
Reposted
[donut shop]
Boss: I finally did it
Worker: You sold secretly MDMA-laced donuts to customers??
Boss: Just a couple
[squad car]
Cop: I wanna be firm with perps but detached, without anger
Cop2: Your wisdom's a gift. I'm so lucky I'm your partner
Cop: I'M THE LUCKY ONE
Boss: I finally did it
Worker: You sold secretly MDMA-laced donuts to customers??
Boss: Just a couple
[squad car]
Cop: I wanna be firm with perps but detached, without anger
Cop2: Your wisdom's a gift. I'm so lucky I'm your partner
Cop: I'M THE LUCKY ONE
October 27, 2025 at 5:40 AM
[donut shop]
Boss: I finally did it
Worker: You sold secretly MDMA-laced donuts to customers??
Boss: Just a couple
[squad car]
Cop: I wanna be firm with perps but detached, without anger
Cop2: Your wisdom's a gift. I'm so lucky I'm your partner
Cop: I'M THE LUCKY ONE
Boss: I finally did it
Worker: You sold secretly MDMA-laced donuts to customers??
Boss: Just a couple
[squad car]
Cop: I wanna be firm with perps but detached, without anger
Cop2: Your wisdom's a gift. I'm so lucky I'm your partner
Cop: I'M THE LUCKY ONE
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As you go to work today to start another week, it may help to remember that Skeletor was often thwarted by his own inept henchman too
October 27, 2025 at 11:10 AM
As you go to work today to start another week, it may help to remember that Skeletor was often thwarted by his own inept henchman too
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I've had enough, just store me in the Svalbard vault like one of those frozen seeds of yours
October 27, 2025 at 12:02 PM
I've had enough, just store me in the Svalbard vault like one of those frozen seeds of yours
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Thank you, New York City.
Now let’s win.
Now let’s win.
October 27, 2025 at 1:50 AM
Thank you, New York City.
Now let’s win.
Now let’s win.
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I like this and agree with it but Guillermo del Toro is quickly becoming the world’s number one source of inspirational quotes we can post on Facebook as we age into embarrassing aunt and uncle ages, gonna embroider that shit onto a pillow and paint it on an old wooden board
Guillermo del Toro on wealth: "a wealthy man is a man who has enough, not a man that needs more. If you have enough to invite someone for a beer? You're rich. If you have a yacht, planes, islands, and you still need more? You're not rich."
October 27, 2025 at 1:55 AM
I like this and agree with it but Guillermo del Toro is quickly becoming the world’s number one source of inspirational quotes we can post on Facebook as we age into embarrassing aunt and uncle ages, gonna embroider that shit onto a pillow and paint it on an old wooden board
Reposted
finally AI comes for my job, a guy who writes erotica containing heavy use of the phrase “as a result”
Sam Altman says ChatGPT will soon sext with verified adults
Sam Altman says ChatGPT will soon sext with verified adults
ChatGPT is about to get flirty.
buff.ly
October 15, 2025 at 4:12 AM
finally AI comes for my job, a guy who writes erotica containing heavy use of the phrase “as a result”
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You gently run your hand through the rack. You can feel it—pure cotton, rich wool, Irish linen. The plump buttonholes are handsewn; the buttons attached with a firm shank. You flip the price tag over. It's affordable
You buy the jacket and go home, which is only 15 mins away. Your apt is $600/month
You buy the jacket and go home, which is only 15 mins away. Your apt is $600/month
October 15, 2025 at 7:00 AM
You gently run your hand through the rack. You can feel it—pure cotton, rich wool, Irish linen. The plump buttonholes are handsewn; the buttons attached with a firm shank. You flip the price tag over. It's affordable
You buy the jacket and go home, which is only 15 mins away. Your apt is $600/month
You buy the jacket and go home, which is only 15 mins away. Your apt is $600/month
Reposted
All my years of ninja training finally paid off when I was able to open a pull top can without alerting my cats
October 12, 2025 at 11:16 PM
All my years of ninja training finally paid off when I was able to open a pull top can without alerting my cats
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The 400 richest Americans are now worth a record $6.6 trillion.
The entire bottom 50% of America is worth just $4.2 trillion.
Read that back.
When 400 people control more wealth than half a country’s population, we have a very serious problem.
The entire bottom 50% of America is worth just $4.2 trillion.
Read that back.
When 400 people control more wealth than half a country’s population, we have a very serious problem.
October 12, 2025 at 11:30 PM
The 400 richest Americans are now worth a record $6.6 trillion.
The entire bottom 50% of America is worth just $4.2 trillion.
Read that back.
When 400 people control more wealth than half a country’s population, we have a very serious problem.
The entire bottom 50% of America is worth just $4.2 trillion.
Read that back.
When 400 people control more wealth than half a country’s population, we have a very serious problem.
Reposted
On this date, Matthew Shephard died 27 years ago. He was beaten, tortured, and left for dead on fence for being gay. Please keep him and his wonderful mother Judy in your thoughts. And let's all work for a world where such horrific things do not happen to anyone. ❤️🏳️🌈
October 13, 2025 at 12:25 AM
On this date, Matthew Shephard died 27 years ago. He was beaten, tortured, and left for dead on fence for being gay. Please keep him and his wonderful mother Judy in your thoughts. And let's all work for a world where such horrific things do not happen to anyone. ❤️🏳️🌈
My cat: Though we are enemies, I will share a secret with you.
My girlfriend's cat: What is your secret?
MC: You can just shit *near* the cat box. No need to actually get in there.
MGC: Fascinating! I will start doing this both here and at home!
My girlfriend's cat: What is your secret?
MC: You can just shit *near* the cat box. No need to actually get in there.
MGC: Fascinating! I will start doing this both here and at home!
October 1, 2025 at 7:00 PM
My cat: Though we are enemies, I will share a secret with you.
My girlfriend's cat: What is your secret?
MC: You can just shit *near* the cat box. No need to actually get in there.
MGC: Fascinating! I will start doing this both here and at home!
My girlfriend's cat: What is your secret?
MC: You can just shit *near* the cat box. No need to actually get in there.
MGC: Fascinating! I will start doing this both here and at home!