@mibesu.bsky.social
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very well then. send as many men as you can spare. and fresh horses for all of them
(covering the phone and leaning over to talk to my wife, the queen) an egg fell. off a wall
(covering the phone and leaning over to talk to my wife, the queen) an egg fell. off a wall
January 6, 2026 at 3:36 PM
very well then. send as many men as you can spare. and fresh horses for all of them
(covering the phone and leaning over to talk to my wife, the queen) an egg fell. off a wall
(covering the phone and leaning over to talk to my wife, the queen) an egg fell. off a wall
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10000 baby shoes for sale. Never worn. Bought too many
January 18, 2026 at 6:52 AM
10000 baby shoes for sale. Never worn. Bought too many
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Sorry Betty, I'm not receiving any more birthday wishes this year. Try next year!
Happy birthday to @jemaineclement.bsky.social
You didn’t think I’d forget our annual tradition of me sending you birthday wishes and you ignoring them 🤣💕🥳
You didn’t think I’d forget our annual tradition of me sending you birthday wishes and you ignoring them 🤣💕🥳
January 11, 2026 at 6:04 AM
Sorry Betty, I'm not receiving any more birthday wishes this year. Try next year!
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Jamiroquai when Jamiro vewwy sad
December 23, 2025 at 5:19 PM
Jamiroquai when Jamiro vewwy sad
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Hate freeloaders who join in the New Year's Eve countdown for the last 10 seconds. I've been doing this all year. Where were you back in May
December 30, 2025 at 11:32 AM
Hate freeloaders who join in the New Year's Eve countdown for the last 10 seconds. I've been doing this all year. Where were you back in May
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Have I ever listened to Hey Jude by The Beatles? Absolutely not. It's addressed to Jude, not me. What about Annie's Song by John Denver? Nope. Not my song so none of my business. Everyone should treat the private communications of musicians with the same level of respect as I do.
November 23, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Have I ever listened to Hey Jude by The Beatles? Absolutely not. It's addressed to Jude, not me. What about Annie's Song by John Denver? Nope. Not my song so none of my business. Everyone should treat the private communications of musicians with the same level of respect as I do.
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Nothing worse than signing an email "warm regards" and getting a reply with "warmest regards". Oh, now it's ON.
"kindest regards" alright alright calm down
December 9, 2025 at 2:55 PM
Nothing worse than signing an email "warm regards" and getting a reply with "warmest regards". Oh, now it's ON.
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Is Mario Kart canon? Do Mario and Bowser and Donkey Kong set aside their differences and go gokarting on the weekends or is the track an extension of their eternal rivalry
December 10, 2025 at 11:26 AM
Is Mario Kart canon? Do Mario and Bowser and Donkey Kong set aside their differences and go gokarting on the weekends or is the track an extension of their eternal rivalry
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All of the companies that make the software I use are increasing their prices, to account for an "investment" in AI.
I'm sat here imagining how my clients would feel if I added 30% to each invoice, because I "really got into gambling".
I'm sat here imagining how my clients would feel if I added 30% to each invoice, because I "really got into gambling".
December 4, 2025 at 8:41 AM
All of the companies that make the software I use are increasing their prices, to account for an "investment" in AI.
I'm sat here imagining how my clients would feel if I added 30% to each invoice, because I "really got into gambling".
I'm sat here imagining how my clients would feel if I added 30% to each invoice, because I "really got into gambling".
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computer going to take my job? no. i’ll pour water on it
December 6, 2025 at 8:05 PM
computer going to take my job? no. i’ll pour water on it
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[sinking in quicksand]
me: oh no
wife: we’ll be fine if we just remain still and wait for help
me: ok
[mambo no. 5 starts to play]
me: OH NO
me: oh no
wife: we’ll be fine if we just remain still and wait for help
me: ok
[mambo no. 5 starts to play]
me: OH NO
November 19, 2025 at 3:00 PM
[sinking in quicksand]
me: oh no
wife: we’ll be fine if we just remain still and wait for help
me: ok
[mambo no. 5 starts to play]
me: OH NO
me: oh no
wife: we’ll be fine if we just remain still and wait for help
me: ok
[mambo no. 5 starts to play]
me: OH NO
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i hate the player AND the game (solitaire)
November 1, 2025 at 10:54 PM
i hate the player AND the game (solitaire)
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Give it to me, baby
[me when I take candy from a baby]
[me when I take candy from a baby]
November 6, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Give it to me, baby
[me when I take candy from a baby]
[me when I take candy from a baby]
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I bit my dentist today. Wasn't even getting a checkup at the time, I just saw him at the supermarket
September 22, 2025 at 12:12 PM
I bit my dentist today. Wasn't even getting a checkup at the time, I just saw him at the supermarket
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we’ll we’ll we’ll if it isn’t my old friend autocorrect
October 14, 2025 at 10:47 PM
we’ll we’ll we’ll if it isn’t my old friend autocorrect
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I shortened the rope on the bucket used to collect the village's water. Didn't go down well.
September 11, 2025 at 5:59 AM
I shortened the rope on the bucket used to collect the village's water. Didn't go down well.
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I’ll tell you what I know about subatomic particles, very little
September 2, 2025 at 12:23 PM
I’ll tell you what I know about subatomic particles, very little
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Not many people know that AA Milne had a much smaller brother called AAA Milne
April 30, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Not many people know that AA Milne had a much smaller brother called AAA Milne
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What do we want?
Passive-aggressive behaviour.
When do we want it?
Never mind, you're clearly very busy.
Passive-aggressive behaviour.
When do we want it?
Never mind, you're clearly very busy.
August 30, 2025 at 4:31 PM
What do we want?
Passive-aggressive behaviour.
When do we want it?
Never mind, you're clearly very busy.
Passive-aggressive behaviour.
When do we want it?
Never mind, you're clearly very busy.
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At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.
August 7, 2025 at 10:19 PM
At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.
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Me: I got everything for my flat from IKEA!
Flat: *Full of pencils, paper tape measures and meatballs*
Flat: *Full of pencils, paper tape measures and meatballs*
July 16, 2025 at 10:29 AM
Me: I got everything for my flat from IKEA!
Flat: *Full of pencils, paper tape measures and meatballs*
Flat: *Full of pencils, paper tape measures and meatballs*
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Former elaborator here (don't ask)
June 8, 2025 at 7:51 PM
Former elaborator here (don't ask)
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My new business, making oversized feline access flaps and extra-strong toupee glue, is attracting interest from lots of industry fat cats and bigwigs.
May 31, 2025 at 8:33 AM
My new business, making oversized feline access flaps and extra-strong toupee glue, is attracting interest from lots of industry fat cats and bigwigs.
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Trump Opens Up Nation’s Aquariums To Commercial Fishing
Trump Opens Up Nation’s Aquariums To Commercial Fishing
WASHINGTON—Claiming that preservation efforts had impeded U.S. seafood production for far too long, President Donald Trump announced Wednesday that he had opened up the nation’s aquariums to commercia...
theonion.com
April 23, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Trump Opens Up Nation’s Aquariums To Commercial Fishing
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"Open the window, Janice, bit of a situation here"
April 28, 2025 at 1:04 PM
"Open the window, Janice, bit of a situation here"