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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · May 2

*knocking on your car window* a few miles back your dog’s ear was inside out thought you should know

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Villein 🔒 @villein.bsky.social · 1d

(pointing at self) seize him

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 13h

I don't normally ask much of my followers but I need you all to come to my house and build a monolith in the garden

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josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 2d

Skeletons shouldn't play each other as instruments

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Sunshine Jarboly @sunshinejarboly.bsky.social · 13d

me: our dog has a chip in her. sorry, our dog has some chips on her. i spilled chips on our dog. haha, actually, we don’t have a dog. i ate some chips, though. yesterday. no salsa.
judge: juror number four, you can go home.

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 23h

Trying to chase down my cat to clip her toenails but she keeps performing evasive barrel rolls and deploying countermeasures

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Naomi Elizabeth @naomielizabeth.bsky.social · 2d

What does monk fruit extract do to you? I feel like I’m … changing …

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Rogs Pumpkin 🎃 @stev.bsky.social · 3d

Moisturizing my car

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Fungocrat @fungocrat.bsky.social · 3d

I respect my dog. But I don't respect her beliefs.

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 2d

My relationship with my cat is 35% friendship/affection, 60% indifference/precarious truce, and 5% guerilla warfare

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Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 3d

i've never been inconvenienced before and i hope i never will be. it sounds terrible

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Villein 🔒 @villein.bsky.social · 3d

sending my herald through the drive thru first

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josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 4d

It's good to have a good vocabulary

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Fun @funkelly.bsky.social · 5d

not to brag but im probably really good at pole vaulting

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 3d

(Buying a hot dog at the beach and releasing it into the ocean) Go on little one, you're free now

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scary mara @cloudsponge.bsky.social · 15d

scientists have birthed a very large bee. but they keep it hidden

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lukelukeluke @lukelukeluke.bsky.social · 4d

Me: don’t go outside there’s a hippo out there

My brother: I don’t see a hippo

Me: … somewhere

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mave @mave.bsky.social · 4d

you are kidding yourself if you carry a flickering lantern along the winding path through the dark woods and think that the approaching thunderous hoofbeats signal the arrival of anyone other than the inimitable headless horseman

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 4d

Convince your neighbors you own a pet owl by yelling "has anyone seen my pet owl" through their letterbox at 4am

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ghost meesh @subpopularity.bsky.social · Sep 4

bugs are just like us

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terror @weedlejuice.bsky.social · 17d

Dust particles for lunch

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 4d

Stop what you're doing, head down to your local library and check out a book about worms. Unless you're not interested in books about worms, in which case you should probably do something else

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Deathcliff plus Hellmets @heathcliffhelms.heathcliff.cat · 6d

Okay, so you know string cheese? Rope Cheese! It's thicker. Like a rolled up newspaper.

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Greg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 5d

got into an argument with my cat again but we came to an agreement: she can do whatever she wants

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nosé @lightblanket.bsky.social · 11d

We’re getting rid of leaf blowers by eating 50 leaves a day each. Get out there

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