Pinned
tara
@weedlejuice.bsky.social
· Jul 19
The doctor says I have the most monstrous eyes he’s ever seen. Pools of dormant rage he said
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You don’t have to wash your hands after you pee, that’s an urban legend
December 3, 2025 at 4:02 AM
You don’t have to wash your hands after you pee, that’s an urban legend
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I was shattered to learn that elf on a shelf was relaying my every move to Santa Claus. He was my friend and confidant. He was my beautiful boy.
December 3, 2025 at 9:48 AM
I was shattered to learn that elf on a shelf was relaying my every move to Santa Claus. He was my friend and confidant. He was my beautiful boy.
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lick a 9v battery
December 3, 2025 at 12:54 AM
lick a 9v battery
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siri how much time do I have left
December 3, 2025 at 6:41 AM
siri how much time do I have left
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fuck I forgot to fly south for the winter
December 3, 2025 at 4:52 AM
fuck I forgot to fly south for the winter
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(writing grimdark fantasy) Goreface sat wetly on the docks, thinking about blood. His face was covered is some kind of shit and so was the rest of him. His dick looked like a door knocker. There were some orcs and dragons on the docks too. They also had shit on them.
December 3, 2025 at 3:46 AM
(writing grimdark fantasy) Goreface sat wetly on the docks, thinking about blood. His face was covered is some kind of shit and so was the rest of him. His dick looked like a door knocker. There were some orcs and dragons on the docks too. They also had shit on them.
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interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years?
me: [picturing a bleak post-apocalyptic landscape in which i compete with my neighbors for scraps of food] management
me: [picturing a bleak post-apocalyptic landscape in which i compete with my neighbors for scraps of food] management
December 2, 2025 at 5:43 PM
interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years?
me: [picturing a bleak post-apocalyptic landscape in which i compete with my neighbors for scraps of food] management
me: [picturing a bleak post-apocalyptic landscape in which i compete with my neighbors for scraps of food] management
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Yeah I asked TalkieBot. I asked BlabbyTron. I asked my WatchMeSpeak Flatter and Flirt Gossip Pal if the tone of your email could be considered hostile.
May 5, 2025 at 5:55 PM
Yeah I asked TalkieBot. I asked BlabbyTron. I asked my WatchMeSpeak Flatter and Flirt Gossip Pal if the tone of your email could be considered hostile.
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I’m trying to get like this
#TheMoment scientists came upon a rare photosynthesizing sea slug
Scientists Elli Ofthenorth and Hunter Stevens tell The National about the moment they stumbled across a rare photosynthesizing sea slug that looks like a leaf while snorkelling near Halifax.
www.cbc.ca
December 2, 2025 at 4:27 PM
I’m trying to get like this
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Trudging through the sucking mire. It's fine. Whatever.
December 2, 2025 at 9:20 PM
Trudging through the sucking mire. It's fine. Whatever.
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Elf woman check it and see I've got a body that's full of bees
December 2, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Elf woman check it and see I've got a body that's full of bees
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If I were rose & jack in titanic I would’ve both stood on the door & surfed away for help
December 2, 2025 at 2:42 PM
If I were rose & jack in titanic I would’ve both stood on the door & surfed away for help
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Calling in to work over encumbered
May 9, 2025 at 1:52 PM
Calling in to work over encumbered
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bludgeoning an intruder to a pulp with my son's plastic minecraft sword
December 2, 2025 at 3:10 PM
bludgeoning an intruder to a pulp with my son's plastic minecraft sword
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add me on password manager
December 2, 2025 at 9:04 PM
add me on password manager
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One Blessing After Another
December 2, 2025 at 8:29 PM
One Blessing After Another
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A change in atmospheric dynamics; a soft and fuzzy mist descending.
December 2, 2025 at 6:46 PM
A change in atmospheric dynamics; a soft and fuzzy mist descending.
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when i get bored i sneak into my neighbor's yard and steal a part from his boat's engine and throw it into the woods
December 2, 2025 at 7:19 PM
when i get bored i sneak into my neighbor's yard and steal a part from his boat's engine and throw it into the woods
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The only time it's acceptable to make your girlfriend cry is when she's unable to shift out of her Beast Form and you're reminding her of what it was like to be human
December 2, 2025 at 8:51 PM
The only time it's acceptable to make your girlfriend cry is when she's unable to shift out of her Beast Form and you're reminding her of what it was like to be human
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can we take this offline? my room is filling with smoke
December 2, 2025 at 9:14 PM
can we take this offline? my room is filling with smoke
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(montage of squirrels stuffing acorns and seeds into trash bags) (voiceover) we controlled the flow of acorns and seeds in every forest west of the enchanted glade in those days
December 2, 2025 at 6:19 PM
(montage of squirrels stuffing acorns and seeds into trash bags) (voiceover) we controlled the flow of acorns and seeds in every forest west of the enchanted glade in those days
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haters in shambles because they’re blind to the beauty of nature
December 2, 2025 at 6:39 PM
haters in shambles because they’re blind to the beauty of nature
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