Last night I got drunk and took a lover.

So I guess this morning once I sober up, I’ll have to put him back.

I think we really should stop using antifa and just fully say anti-fascist and get them saying they are against anti fascism. Using antifa is giving them some distance and I genuinely think some of their base don’t even know that’s what it stands for.

ever danced with a kitten under the pale moon light

All the jumping was 100% consensual.

[Receiving Nobel Peace Prize]

Me: "I’m honored, Mr. Chairman.”

My Mom from the audience: "He wet the bed til he was 17!”

I spent my 20s jumping into bed with every woman who took my fancy.

In hindsight, it might have been nice to have sex with one or two of them as well.

Remember, you have to be rich to be eccentric. If you're poor, you're just weird.

This ad reads like a list of the 'Most Popular White Kid Names of 2025'

“The cat is such a perfect symbol of beauty and superiority that it seems scarcely possible for any true aesthete and civilised cynic to do other than worship it.”

- H.P. Lovecraft

Who moved my avocado toast?!

They're talking about killing leftist activists. They're talking about murdering people organizing in defense of immigrant communities, doing mutual aid work, and protesting their violence. They are talking about murdering people like me and my friends. We must do more than acknowledge it's fascism.

first half of October: ooooh pretty leaves

second half of October: wtf tree, you're just gonna leave your garbage all over my lawn??

Fair enough. I guess 1933 would have been more appropriate

Your skeleton is just a gift that time slowly unwraps.

(also SCOTUS)

Sorry but I guess you hadn’t heard: they decided cyan wasn’t a color the same day they decided that Pluto wasn’t a planet.

I should've known, when I didn't finish the BASIC programming book that came with the Texas Instruments computer I had when I was 8, that I'd never amount to anything. Oh well. At least I learned the word cyan. They can't take that away from me.

After saying “what” for the third time and still having no clue what they just said, is it okay to just crumple up in the fetal position until they go away?

good morning only to people who aren't actively ruining other people's lives

Weird how they say that vaccines are bad and the president is good but the president got two vaccines yesterday, I wonder how long it will take before he is forced to wear high heels or starts collecting model trains or whatever they think vaccines do besides save lives

Me: Are you ready for my cavity search?

Dentist: please stop calling it that

I was never Goth on purpose but once I was so pale and depressed that a pack of Goths took me in and raised me as their own

I unsubscribed from NextDoor and deleted the app but that just made it stronger

Is it just me, or does anyone else wonder if Mrs “Jewish Space Lasers”’s recently expressed sympathy for Gazans, is coming from a place of 100% humanitarian empathy?