Author | Lightnews

Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 1d

BOB DYLAN: 🎶Oh, the times, they are a changin'...🎶

ME *looking at my watch*: Oh shi-

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Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 4d

[blind date]

HER: I'm a ghost writer

ME {trying not to look too scared}: When did you die?

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Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 4d

[blind date]

HER: I'm a Nihilist

ME {trying to impress her}: Egypt is a beautiful country

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Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 4d

Your boss is Canadian?

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Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 6d

"Hey! You got monkeys in my peanut butter...

Tyler King @tyleraking.com · 6d

A truckload of rhesus monkeys from Tulane university escaped after a crash. The university warned they’re highly aggressive toward humans and infected with hepatitis C, herpes, and COVID.

Monkeys on the loose after truck overturns in Heidelberg; public urged to call 911

A truck transporting monkeys from Tulane University overturned on I-59 near Heidelberg, with several monkeys reportedly on the loose posing health risks.

www.wapt.com

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Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 8d

HER: You're not very self-aware, but I love your flaws.

ME: My what?!

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Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 12d

I accidentally started a Timber profile, and now I'm dating two lumberjacks and a guy that, I think, just sharpens saws.

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Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 18d

Wait, you didn't let me finish... that's what happens.

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Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 18d

[blind date]

HER: I'm totally into Homer... the Odyssey, the Iliad, you know what I mean?

ME {obviously thinking about when he saved the monorail by using the letter "M" from the side of the train and a rope to create an improvised anchor}: Oh my god, yes!

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Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 22d

Happy "Canadian" Thanksgiving (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)

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Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 22d

I just realized I have a predominantly white fan base

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Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 23d

[Veterans Hospital]

GRAMPS {waking from 80-year coma caused by D-Day head injury}: Did we beat the authoritarian fascists?

ME: Haha, well…interesting story

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Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social · 24d

[Lab]

MONSTER: What.. is.. my.. name?

DOCTOR: We'll call you…Frankenstein

MONSTER: But.. that.. your... name

DOCTOR: Yeah, people won't make a big deal of it

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