Todd 'Papi' Carlos
@thetoddwilliams.bsky.social
Toronto - Engineer
[Jeopardy]
ME: I'll take Christmas Movies for $1000, Alex
ALEX: The answer is 'Die Hard'
ME *buzzing in*: What is a Christmas movie?
ALEX: That's right...Die Hard is a Christmas movie
ME *turning to my wife who is in the studio audience*: HA, I TOLD YOU, GRETCHEN!!
ME: I'll take Christmas Movies for $1000, Alex
ALEX: The answer is 'Die Hard'
ME *buzzing in*: What is a Christmas movie?
ALEX: That's right...Die Hard is a Christmas movie
ME *turning to my wife who is in the studio audience*: HA, I TOLD YOU, GRETCHEN!!
December 17, 2025 at 3:35 PM
[Jeopardy]
ME: I'll take Christmas Movies for $1000, Alex
ALEX: The answer is 'Die Hard'
ME *buzzing in*: What is a Christmas movie?
ALEX: That's right...Die Hard is a Christmas movie
ME *turning to my wife who is in the studio audience*: HA, I TOLD YOU, GRETCHEN!!
ME: I'll take Christmas Movies for $1000, Alex
ALEX: The answer is 'Die Hard'
ME *buzzing in*: What is a Christmas movie?
ALEX: That's right...Die Hard is a Christmas movie
ME *turning to my wife who is in the studio audience*: HA, I TOLD YOU, GRETCHEN!!
SCROOGE: Oh great spirit...why are we at the Olive Garden?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PASTA: These guys have endless breadsticks
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PASTA: These guys have endless breadsticks
December 17, 2025 at 3:33 PM
SCROOGE: Oh great spirit...why are we at the Olive Garden?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PASTA: These guys have endless breadsticks
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PASTA: These guys have endless breadsticks
They say by 2045 the Post Office will run out of zip codes and we'll have to live on the moon.
December 15, 2025 at 10:40 PM
They say by 2045 the Post Office will run out of zip codes and we'll have to live on the moon.
ME: I just don't know if I'm ready for the whole "dating thing"
THERAPIST: What are you afraid of?
ME: The obvious
THERAPIST: Do you mean the fear of commi-
ME: Pickleball
THERAPIST: What are you afraid of?
ME: The obvious
THERAPIST: Do you mean the fear of commi-
ME: Pickleball
December 14, 2025 at 10:47 PM
ME: I just don't know if I'm ready for the whole "dating thing"
THERAPIST: What are you afraid of?
ME: The obvious
THERAPIST: Do you mean the fear of commi-
ME: Pickleball
THERAPIST: What are you afraid of?
ME: The obvious
THERAPIST: Do you mean the fear of commi-
ME: Pickleball
Happy St. Barbara's Day, patron saint of machine guns.
December 14, 2025 at 6:47 PM
Happy St. Barbara's Day, patron saint of machine guns.
The Dick Van Dyke Show (1961–1966) was quite successful in spite of never actually showing a dick, a van or a dike.
December 13, 2025 at 7:06 PM
The Dick Van Dyke Show (1961–1966) was quite successful in spite of never actually showing a dick, a van or a dike.
When I was a kid, AI stood for Aunt Irma. You didn't want to mess with her either.
December 11, 2025 at 3:30 AM
When I was a kid, AI stood for Aunt Irma. You didn't want to mess with her either.
[job interview]
BOSS: What three words best describe you?
MR. GRINCH: Uh... hahaha well, you see here's the thing...
BOSS: What three words best describe you?
MR. GRINCH: Uh... hahaha well, you see here's the thing...
December 8, 2025 at 6:17 PM
[job interview]
BOSS: What three words best describe you?
MR. GRINCH: Uh... hahaha well, you see here's the thing...
BOSS: What three words best describe you?
MR. GRINCH: Uh... hahaha well, you see here's the thing...
I just won a Domino's Peace'zaa Prize!!
December 8, 2025 at 2:23 AM
I just won a Domino's Peace'zaa Prize!!
That's nothing, Mussolini had four FIFA Peace Prizes.
December 8, 2025 at 2:21 AM
That's nothing, Mussolini had four FIFA Peace Prizes.
ME{from upstairs}: Honey, I'm gonna take a Bublé bath
WIFE: You mean a bubble bath, dear
ME: Uh...right
MICHAEL BUBLÉ: Are you getting in or what?
WIFE: You mean a bubble bath, dear
ME: Uh...right
MICHAEL BUBLÉ: Are you getting in or what?
December 6, 2025 at 4:30 PM
ME{from upstairs}: Honey, I'm gonna take a Bublé bath
WIFE: You mean a bubble bath, dear
ME: Uh...right
MICHAEL BUBLÉ: Are you getting in or what?
WIFE: You mean a bubble bath, dear
ME: Uh...right
MICHAEL BUBLÉ: Are you getting in or what?
Just curious, how to you "Undo" a threatening email to your cable provider?
December 4, 2025 at 3:04 PM
Just curious, how to you "Undo" a threatening email to your cable provider?
[creation]
GOD: You are all special in my eyes
KANGAROO: I don't feel that special
GOD: Look in your pocket
KANGAROO: Holy sh-
GOD: You are all special in my eyes
KANGAROO: I don't feel that special
GOD: Look in your pocket
KANGAROO: Holy sh-
December 3, 2025 at 4:54 PM
[creation]
GOD: You are all special in my eyes
KANGAROO: I don't feel that special
GOD: Look in your pocket
KANGAROO: Holy sh-
GOD: You are all special in my eyes
KANGAROO: I don't feel that special
GOD: Look in your pocket
KANGAROO: Holy sh-
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer simply had a parasitic nasal infection. This is quite common among arctic and sub-arctic caribou species. His ability to fly was a hallucination brought on by the parasite burrowing into his frontal lobe.
December 3, 2025 at 2:00 AM
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer simply had a parasitic nasal infection. This is quite common among arctic and sub-arctic caribou species. His ability to fly was a hallucination brought on by the parasite burrowing into his frontal lobe.
Oh yeah? Well maybe YOU'RE the immature one!!!
December 1, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Oh yeah? Well maybe YOU'RE the immature one!!!
MOTHER-IN-LAW: There are some Thanksgiving leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry
ME: Thanks but I… quit cold turkey
MOTHER-IN-LAW: You know I never wanted you in this family
ME: Thanks but I… quit cold turkey
MOTHER-IN-LAW: You know I never wanted you in this family
November 30, 2025 at 11:32 PM
MOTHER-IN-LAW: There are some Thanksgiving leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry
ME: Thanks but I… quit cold turkey
MOTHER-IN-LAW: You know I never wanted you in this family
ME: Thanks but I… quit cold turkey
MOTHER-IN-LAW: You know I never wanted you in this family
I don't like to brag but I'm pretty good at it
November 30, 2025 at 11:11 PM
I don't like to brag but I'm pretty good at it
We don't have Black Friday in Canada, but Chartreuse Sunday is well under way!!
November 30, 2025 at 8:22 PM
We don't have Black Friday in Canada, but Chartreuse Sunday is well under way!!
When I lower the turkey into the deep fryer
a man with a beard and a leather jacket is standing in front of an explosion .
ALT: a man with a beard and a leather jacket is standing in front of an explosion .
media.tenor.com
November 29, 2025 at 5:36 AM
When I lower the turkey into the deep fryer
Just finished my Black Fry Day shopping...
November 28, 2025 at 3:40 PM
Just finished my Black Fry Day shopping...
[Thanksgiving dinner]
WIFE: These potatoes are burnt to a crisp
ME: Those are for tomorrow
WIFE: Because…tomorrow is Bla-
ME: Black Fry Day
WIFE: These potatoes are burnt to a crisp
ME: Those are for tomorrow
WIFE: Because…tomorrow is Bla-
ME: Black Fry Day
November 27, 2025 at 2:07 PM
[Thanksgiving dinner]
WIFE: These potatoes are burnt to a crisp
ME: Those are for tomorrow
WIFE: Because…tomorrow is Bla-
ME: Black Fry Day
WIFE: These potatoes are burnt to a crisp
ME: Those are for tomorrow
WIFE: Because…tomorrow is Bla-
ME: Black Fry Day
Sorry just logging on has anyone done a "WHO LET THE DOGE OUT?" bit yet?
November 24, 2025 at 8:07 PM
Sorry just logging on has anyone done a "WHO LET THE DOGE OUT?" bit yet?
Lady Gaga implies the existence of Lord GooGoo
November 20, 2025 at 2:53 AM
Lady Gaga implies the existence of Lord GooGoo
See, her name is Hayley becau-
SCARECROW WIFE: Did you pick up milk?
SCARECROW: Oh I forgot
SCARECROW WIFE: You'd forget your brain if…
SCARECROW: If what Hayley?…Say it
SCARECROW: Oh I forgot
SCARECROW WIFE: You'd forget your brain if…
SCARECROW: If what Hayley?…Say it
November 16, 2025 at 11:01 PM
See, her name is Hayley becau-
[interview]
BOSS: Can you explain this gap in your resume?
ME: That's when I worked at the Gap
BOSS: Ha very funny, I mean this other gap
ME: That's when I fell into a mountain gap
BOSS: Hm, okay. But how about this third gap?
ME *grabbing resume*: Let me see...oh, you're in the dental section
BOSS: Can you explain this gap in your resume?
ME: That's when I worked at the Gap
BOSS: Ha very funny, I mean this other gap
ME: That's when I fell into a mountain gap
BOSS: Hm, okay. But how about this third gap?
ME *grabbing resume*: Let me see...oh, you're in the dental section
November 16, 2025 at 1:56 AM
[interview]
BOSS: Can you explain this gap in your resume?
ME: That's when I worked at the Gap
BOSS: Ha very funny, I mean this other gap
ME: That's when I fell into a mountain gap
BOSS: Hm, okay. But how about this third gap?
ME *grabbing resume*: Let me see...oh, you're in the dental section
BOSS: Can you explain this gap in your resume?
ME: That's when I worked at the Gap
BOSS: Ha very funny, I mean this other gap
ME: That's when I fell into a mountain gap
BOSS: Hm, okay. But how about this third gap?
ME *grabbing resume*: Let me see...oh, you're in the dental section