Jem
@j1jem.bsky.social
Essentially just a dishevelled hobbit clutching a cup of tea.
"Behind every man trying to work out whether his phone camera is working, stands an exasperated woman."
"Behind every man trying to work out whether his phone camera is working, stands an exasperated woman."
Pinned
Jem
@j1jem.bsky.social
· Nov 16
Petition to give the country a new motto:
"We've Not Really Thought This Through, Have We?"
"We've Not Really Thought This Through, Have We?"
Reposted by Jem
November 13, 2025 at 2:28 PM
Reposted by Jem
Reposted by Jem
![[Scene is a kitchen - a middle aged woman called JANET is boiling peas at the stove. A younger more colourfully dressed woman named LIZ approached her.]
JANET:
Ugh...
LIZ:
What's up?
JANET:
I am so bored of cooking peas!
LIZ:
Have you tried...
AI peas?
JANET:
AI peas?
LIZ:
They're peas with AI!
[Liz holds up to us a packet of peas labelled: Pea-i AI - Peas with AI].
LIZ:
Al-powered peas harness the potential of your peas
JANET:
What
LIZ [Now a voiceover as we cut to a whizzy technology diagram of peas all connected by meaningless dotted lines]
Why not take your peas to the next level with Al Peas' new Al tools to power your peas?
[Show a techno diagram of a pea with a label reading 'AI' pointing to a random zone in it]
LIZ:
Each pea has Al in a way we haven't quite worked out yet but it's fine
[Show Janet and Liz now in a Matrix-style world of peas]
LIZ:
With Al peas you can supercharge productivity and make AI work for your peas!
JANET:
What
LIZ:
Shut up
LIZ:
Our game-changing Pea-Al gives you the freedom to unlock the potential of the power of the future of your peas workflow
From opening the bag of peas
to boiling the peas
to eating the peas
To spending millions on adding Al to the peas and then having to work out what that even means.
JANET:
Is it really necessary to-
LIZ [Grabbing Janet by the collar]:
THE PEAS HAVE GOT AI, JANET
[Cut to an advert ending screen, with the bag of peas and the slogan:
AI PEAS: Just 'Peas' for god's sake buy the AI peas.
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiayqa37f7kik7l7s7fbtfp2sir5ckb662ry2lylinyjrfa2rkvvka@jpeg)
Reposted by Jem
Folks it pains me to ask so bluntly, but could anyone use some work doing by me? I've got to find income for three months until my next royalty payment, and I'm not having much luck.
November 13, 2025 at 1:30 PM
Folks it pains me to ask so bluntly, but could anyone use some work doing by me? I've got to find income for three months until my next royalty payment, and I'm not having much luck.
Reposted by Jem
It would be the perfect revenge of 2015 if we ended up with Ed as PM
Imagine the alternative timeline coming to life
Imagine the alternative timeline coming to life
November 13, 2025 at 12:47 PM
It would be the perfect revenge of 2015 if we ended up with Ed as PM
Imagine the alternative timeline coming to life
Imagine the alternative timeline coming to life
Reposted by Jem
Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.
November 12, 2025 at 10:23 PM
Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.
Reposted by Jem
To all the doubters, AI is so close to being perfect
Look my iphone helpfully transcribed a voice message left by my French mechanic
Look my iphone helpfully transcribed a voice message left by my French mechanic
November 12, 2025 at 11:16 AM
To all the doubters, AI is so close to being perfect
Look my iphone helpfully transcribed a voice message left by my French mechanic
Look my iphone helpfully transcribed a voice message left by my French mechanic
Reposted by Jem
Convincing you to read my novel with the first paragraph. Share yours if you want.
November 11, 2025 at 8:51 PM
Convincing you to read my novel with the first paragraph. Share yours if you want.
Reposted by Jem
Vvv vvvv’s Vvvv. Vvvv Vvvv.
- Sweep as James Bond.
- Sweep as James Bond.
November 11, 2025 at 1:19 PM
Vvv vvvv’s Vvvv. Vvvv Vvvv.
- Sweep as James Bond.
- Sweep as James Bond.
Reposted by Jem
barista: can i take your name
james bond: the name's bond
barista: ok
james bond: james bond
barista: well i've written bond now
james bond: it's ok don't
barista: i can get a new cup
james bond: no it's fine
barista: it's not a problem
james bond: just go with bond
james bond: the name's bond
barista: ok
james bond: james bond
barista: well i've written bond now
james bond: it's ok don't
barista: i can get a new cup
james bond: no it's fine
barista: it's not a problem
james bond: just go with bond
November 11, 2025 at 3:49 PM
barista: can i take your name
james bond: the name's bond
barista: ok
james bond: james bond
barista: well i've written bond now
james bond: it's ok don't
barista: i can get a new cup
james bond: no it's fine
barista: it's not a problem
james bond: just go with bond
james bond: the name's bond
barista: ok
james bond: james bond
barista: well i've written bond now
james bond: it's ok don't
barista: i can get a new cup
james bond: no it's fine
barista: it's not a problem
james bond: just go with bond
Reposted by Jem
I appreciate this reference.
November 11, 2025 at 1:35 PM
I appreciate this reference.
Reposted by Jem
Amazing. The Terry Joneses of the animal kingdom.
November 11, 2025 at 9:56 AM
Amazing. The Terry Joneses of the animal kingdom.
Reposted by Jem
Reposted by Jem
low polyamory
November 10, 2025 at 9:33 PM
low polyamory
That was a close one. Various bits of my timeline appear to be suggesting that some US politician has Wile E Coyote'd himself and I was starting to get curious who he is and what he's done when I suddenly remembered I don't care, he's not my problem and I can just mute his name and enjoy my evening.
November 9, 2025 at 10:36 PM
That was a close one. Various bits of my timeline appear to be suggesting that some US politician has Wile E Coyote'd himself and I was starting to get curious who he is and what he's done when I suddenly remembered I don't care, he's not my problem and I can just mute his name and enjoy my evening.
Reposted by Jem
Another funny one on the Personal Beatles podcast! It's a long time since Kevin Eldon and I had our go, but you must take the time to hear @dankackroyd.bsky.social's Beatley musings this #FabFoolsFriday.... shows.acast.com/personalbeat...
#Beatles #Comedy #Rutles ✌🏾🎶🃏
#Beatles #Comedy #Rutles ✌🏾🎶🃏
Ruth Husko's Personal Beatles | Your Own Personal Beatles
shows.acast.com
November 7, 2025 at 10:36 AM
Another funny one on the Personal Beatles podcast! It's a long time since Kevin Eldon and I had our go, but you must take the time to hear @dankackroyd.bsky.social's Beatley musings this #FabFoolsFriday.... shows.acast.com/personalbeat...
#Beatles #Comedy #Rutles ✌🏾🎶🃏
#Beatles #Comedy #Rutles ✌🏾🎶🃏
Reposted by Jem
Spoiler alert: Judging by this photo, someone dies in the new Paddington musical.
November 3, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Spoiler alert: Judging by this photo, someone dies in the new Paddington musical.
Reposted by Jem
Reposted by Jem
"That janitor who cleans the escalator handrail by holding a cloth in place as the escalator moves"
x.com/dailyportalz...
x.com/dailyportalz...
November 2, 2025 at 9:43 AM
"That janitor who cleans the escalator handrail by holding a cloth in place as the escalator moves"
x.com/dailyportalz...
x.com/dailyportalz...
Reposted by Jem
Except Barry.
November 1, 2025 at 8:18 PM
Except Barry.
Reposted by Jem
"Who are you, and why are you so rich?"
"I'm the King, and I'm the King."
"I'm the King, and I'm the King."
November 1, 2025 at 10:35 AM
"Who are you, and why are you so rich?"
"I'm the King, and I'm the King."
"I'm the King, and I'm the King."
Reposted by Jem
The lyric "STOP Hammer Time" indicates that U Can't Touch This may have been the first song to be written in BASIC.
November 1, 2025 at 10:31 AM
The lyric "STOP Hammer Time" indicates that U Can't Touch This may have been the first song to be written in BASIC.