Author | Lightnews

Jem

@j1jem.bsky.social

460 followers 560 following 2.7K posts

Essentially just a dishevelled hobbit clutching a cup of tea. "Behind every man trying to work out whether his phone camera is working, stands an exasperated woman."

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Jem @j1jem.bsky.social · Nov 16

Petition to give the country a new motto:
"We've Not Really Thought This Through, Have We?"

4 1 9

Reposted by Jem

John Self @john-self.bsky.social · 6h

"Who are you, and why are you so rich?"

"I'm the King, and I'm the King."

BBC Headline: Where does the King get his money?

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Reposted by Jem

Alasdair Beckett-King @misterabk.bsky.social · 6h

The lyric "STOP Hammer Time" indicates that U Can't Touch This may have been the first song to be written in BASIC.

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Reposted by Jem

UBF riccardo @ubfriccardo.bsky.social · 1d

He's now called Pri.

You may notice that this title has no nce.

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Jem @j1jem.bsky.social · 2d

*superb*

Reposted by Jem

~daniel_barker~ @daniel-barker.bsky.social · 2d

My name is King. King of Kings. Work on my mighty looks and despair. King Ozzy is having a strokias, call an Ozbulance

Disappointed Optimist @disappoptimism.bsky.social · 2d

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look upon this one simple trick and the results will surprise you.

Count Mysterioso @mysteriosox.bsky.social · 2d

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look upon my email which I hope finds you well.

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Jem @j1jem.bsky.social · 2d

A personal favourite of the genre (without the metallic effect), are tyre salesfolk. Whenever I spotted a van, I kept thinking "these aren't just shaddick tyres" in the style of an M&S ad, and that there were other siblings with their own tyre provision firms. Sadly, they've changed their logo now.

Back of an 2008 reg Ford Transit with sign written Barry Shaddick Tyres. For reasons only know to Barry, his first name is written in a jaunty cursive, above printed capital letters for "SHADDICK TYRES"

Jem @j1jem.bsky.social · 2d

Excellent!

Reposted by Jem

Chinny the Witch 🇮🇲🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 @manxinwales.bsky.social · 3d

Cardiff is so obsessed with stadium gigs, anything smaller and interesting is getting crowded out and people don't know whats on...

Get the word our Cardiff peeps! Or we'll end up with nothing but pop music and tribute acts...

3 3

Reposted by Jem

Flups @flups.bsky.social · 3d

🎶Here we come, walking down the street, spreading herpes and Covid, to everyone we meet. Hey, hey we’re the monkeys, who escaped from a truck, everyone would be panicked if the world wasn’t already fucked🎶

The Independent @the-independent.com · 3d

BREAKING | Truck hauling monkeys carrying hepatitis C, herpes and Covid overturns in Mississippi

Truck hauling monkeys carrying hepatitis C, herpes and Covid overturns in Mississippi

www.independent.co.uk

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Reposted by Jem

Microplastics Sommelier @leastactionhero.bsky.social · 4d

Dominos meme
White Sox fan forced to accept Cubs jersey

Assyrian bishops refuse to condemn Nestorius's 431 challenge to the use of the title Theotokos ('Bearer of God'") for Mary.

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Jem @j1jem.bsky.social · 4d

"Help, he's beating me with his ladies watch!"

Is something middle child (15) came out with at dinner on holiday today while taunting his big brother (17) and has kept me sniggering for a full half hour, I've had to explain about Victoria Wood to the big one to calm him down about his watch.

1 1

Reposted by Jem

Grumpelstiltskin @maxwellshabbsby.bsky.social · 4d

Adverts should be representative of traditional British families

Sweep and family enjoying a lovely spread!

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Reposted by Jem

Rhodri Marsden @rhodri.biz · 5d

Facebook tells me that I posted this comment 10 years ago and it’s still the best “being caught bunking off school” story I’ve heard. Apologies for any minor factual inaccuracies in my retelling

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Reposted by Jem

On Her Majesty's Rail Replacement Bus Service 🔞🦀 (Crab Verified) @ipsumlorem.bsky.social · 6d

* mind blown*

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Reposted by Jem

Brad T. Jonas @bradtjonas.bsky.social · 6d

follow the rules

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Jem @j1jem.bsky.social · 6d

Excellent crumping!

Reposted by Jem

Hannah O'Hanrahahanrahan @tedmaul.bsky.social · 6d

Incredible discount.

1 8

Jem @j1jem.bsky.social · 6d

"I like sci-fi and women don't like me, therefore women don't like sci-fi".

Reposted by Jem

Alasdair Beckett-King @misterabk.bsky.social · 8d

Let me tell you a story (before the ship explodes):

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Reposted by Jem

Richard Porter @sniffpetrol.com · 8d

Yeeeees

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Reposted by Jem

Julia Raeside @jnraeside.bsky.social · 8d

NEW EPISODE: today the author Kate Weston tells me about the trauma she suffered watching Gemma touch the dodgy plug on Byker Grove. Search Box of Delights wherever you get your podcasts. 📺