Twin Dad’s Jingle Balls
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
I love Peeps, Miracle Whip, Pepsi, pineapple on pizza, and bleu cheese. I'm basically perfect.
Pfp by onehourlate
My dumb jokes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:svme5pcm35w2kjzvtqjfe6pz/feed/aaae4clm6s64m
Pfp by onehourlate
My dumb jokes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:svme5pcm35w2kjzvtqjfe6pz/feed/aaae4clm6s64m
Pinned
Joggers? Oh no, dear. These are sitters.
Reposted by Twin Dad’s Jingle Balls
The easiest way to cheer me up is by walking into a glass door you don't see with a full cup of coffee.
December 1, 2025 at 2:28 PM
The easiest way to cheer me up is by walking into a glass door you don't see with a full cup of coffee.
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you lost me at figgy but brought me right back with pudding
December 1, 2025 at 6:11 PM
you lost me at figgy but brought me right back with pudding
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Who up thinking they getting uglier at an alarming rate
December 1, 2025 at 4:25 AM
Who up thinking they getting uglier at an alarming rate
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*seductively* sooo.. is there a mama roach?
December 1, 2025 at 3:41 AM
*seductively* sooo.. is there a mama roach?
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Nose hair so long it doubles as a small detail brush
November 29, 2025 at 7:02 PM
Nose hair so long it doubles as a small detail brush
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lady and the tramp scene but with a tube of cookie dough
November 30, 2025 at 12:06 AM
lady and the tramp scene but with a tube of cookie dough
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I get cardio by getting off the couch, walking right up to the tv screen to read the text messages a person sends or receives.
December 1, 2025 at 3:20 AM
I get cardio by getting off the couch, walking right up to the tv screen to read the text messages a person sends or receives.
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I have nothing positive or constructive to contribute at this time.
You know what that means…
[logs on and begins feverishly posting]
You know what that means…
[logs on and begins feverishly posting]
December 1, 2025 at 5:13 AM
I have nothing positive or constructive to contribute at this time.
You know what that means…
[logs on and begins feverishly posting]
You know what that means…
[logs on and begins feverishly posting]
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it’s winter, be mysterious
grow your pubes out and weave tiny twinkly lights through them
grow your pubes out and weave tiny twinkly lights through them
December 1, 2025 at 12:55 AM
it’s winter, be mysterious
grow your pubes out and weave tiny twinkly lights through them
grow your pubes out and weave tiny twinkly lights through them
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are you ever washing your hands in really warm water and it feels so good and comforting that you want to crawl into the sink and slide down the drain
December 1, 2025 at 12:49 AM
are you ever washing your hands in really warm water and it feels so good and comforting that you want to crawl into the sink and slide down the drain
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Alcohol may not solve all life’s problems but conducting an in-depth investigation just to be sure is a hill I’m prepared to die on.
November 30, 2025 at 2:46 PM
Alcohol may not solve all life’s problems but conducting an in-depth investigation just to be sure is a hill I’m prepared to die on.
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No one shrinking kids much any more.
November 30, 2025 at 9:04 PM
No one shrinking kids much any more.
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I love myself even through my typos.
November 30, 2025 at 7:58 AM
I love myself even through my typos.
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So now I guess we have to attempt living through that Christmas stuff, huh?
November 30, 2025 at 7:51 AM
So now I guess we have to attempt living through that Christmas stuff, huh?
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Not going is the new leaving early.
November 30, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Not going is the new leaving early.
My belly doesn’t jiggle like a bowlful of jelly; it’s more like a tub of mashed potatoes.
November 30, 2025 at 6:55 PM
My belly doesn’t jiggle like a bowlful of jelly; it’s more like a tub of mashed potatoes.
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BRING BACK AIR GUITAR CONTESTS YOU COWARDS
November 30, 2025 at 5:55 PM
BRING BACK AIR GUITAR CONTESTS YOU COWARDS
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SHINGLES DOESN’T CARE
but Pepperidge Farms remembers..
but Pepperidge Farms remembers..
November 30, 2025 at 5:08 PM
SHINGLES DOESN’T CARE
but Pepperidge Farms remembers..
but Pepperidge Farms remembers..
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Today should be the best Sunday. (Leftover) Food, Family (is gone), and Football
Gawd bless
Gawd bless
November 30, 2025 at 2:34 PM
Today should be the best Sunday. (Leftover) Food, Family (is gone), and Football
Gawd bless
Gawd bless
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It’s Sunday so don’t forget to wash your hands before AND after playing with yourself. It’s in the bible that you have to.
November 30, 2025 at 12:22 PM
It’s Sunday so don’t forget to wash your hands before AND after playing with yourself. It’s in the bible that you have to.
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For 17 weeks in 1991 the entire country was held hostage by Bryan Adams. We have never recovered as a nation.
July 9, 2025 at 7:15 AM
For 17 weeks in 1991 the entire country was held hostage by Bryan Adams. We have never recovered as a nation.
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I hope this year Alvin finally gets a hula hoop for Christmas.
November 30, 2025 at 4:05 AM
I hope this year Alvin finally gets a hula hoop for Christmas.
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The cool thing about working 4 ten hour days is that your weekend now has a hump day.
November 30, 2025 at 3:01 AM
The cool thing about working 4 ten hour days is that your weekend now has a hump day.