Twin Dad’s Jingle Balls
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
I love Peeps, Miracle Whip, Pepsi, pineapple on pizza, and bleu cheese. I'm basically perfect.
Pfp by onehourlate
My dumb jokes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:svme5pcm35w2kjzvtqjfe6pz/feed/aaae4clm6s64m
Pfp by onehourlate
My dumb jokes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:svme5pcm35w2kjzvtqjfe6pz/feed/aaae4clm6s64m
Pinned
Joggers? Oh no, dear. These are sitters.
Reposted by Twin Dad’s Jingle Balls
Virginia is for lovers and losers
December 7, 2025 at 4:58 AM
Virginia is for lovers and losers
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If I come across something that "knocks my socks off", I'm going to be so mad.
December 4, 2025 at 4:29 AM
If I come across something that "knocks my socks off", I'm going to be so mad.
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I think from now on, whatwveebi typo I make ia just gonna be posted and you all can figure d e ir out.
December 5, 2025 at 6:24 AM
I think from now on, whatwveebi typo I make ia just gonna be posted and you all can figure d e ir out.
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My nine year old hates my taste in music. Everyone does, but he does as well
December 7, 2025 at 12:32 AM
My nine year old hates my taste in music. Everyone does, but he does as well
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[shopping for Christmas decorations] you have any of that long glitter
December 7, 2025 at 3:36 AM
[shopping for Christmas decorations] you have any of that long glitter
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bluesky profiles should tell you whether or not someone is going to ask to see your feet immediately after you follow them
December 6, 2025 at 3:32 PM
bluesky profiles should tell you whether or not someone is going to ask to see your feet immediately after you follow them
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riding off into the sunset but it’s just reverse cowgirl on a westward facing balcony
December 4, 2025 at 2:28 PM
riding off into the sunset but it’s just reverse cowgirl on a westward facing balcony
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You can explain something to a man that he's never heard of before and two days later he will try to teach it to you like you've never heard of it before
December 5, 2025 at 7:07 PM
You can explain something to a man that he's never heard of before and two days later he will try to teach it to you like you've never heard of it before
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Sorry to cause a commotion. I meant to cause a motherfuckin riot
December 7, 2025 at 12:17 AM
Sorry to cause a commotion. I meant to cause a motherfuckin riot
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It’s so cold out I actually drove my car to work using my nipples to steer.
December 5, 2025 at 2:41 PM
It’s so cold out I actually drove my car to work using my nipples to steer.
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Sometimes I’ll listen to opera while watching The Three Stooges on mute for the full effect
December 6, 2025 at 10:55 PM
Sometimes I’ll listen to opera while watching The Three Stooges on mute for the full effect
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Put your noodles in my broth.
December 6, 2025 at 5:26 PM
Put your noodles in my broth.
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Finally received the results of my marine biology exam. I got a sea. *catapults phone into the sun
December 5, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Finally received the results of my marine biology exam. I got a sea. *catapults phone into the sun
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clean the blades on your ceiling fan, slob
December 7, 2025 at 3:55 AM
clean the blades on your ceiling fan, slob
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My good knee sounds like a bear chewing on gristle.
My bad knee feels like gristle being chewed by a bear.
And I am tired.
😴
My bad knee feels like gristle being chewed by a bear.
And I am tired.
😴
December 7, 2025 at 2:51 AM
My good knee sounds like a bear chewing on gristle.
My bad knee feels like gristle being chewed by a bear.
And I am tired.
😴
My bad knee feels like gristle being chewed by a bear.
And I am tired.
😴
Reposted by Twin Dad’s Jingle Balls
[eating banana bread] “wow, this is delicious, what other rotten fruit can we bake.”
December 5, 2025 at 3:07 AM
[eating banana bread] “wow, this is delicious, what other rotten fruit can we bake.”
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the word "mon·o·syl·lab·ic" has betrayed us
December 6, 2025 at 10:11 PM
the word "mon·o·syl·lab·ic" has betrayed us
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How the Grinch got those Restraining Orders
December 7, 2025 at 12:09 AM
How the Grinch got those Restraining Orders
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No matter how many times I see their products, I’ll never believe “Johns Manville” wasn’t originally intended to be a fabulous gay bar.
December 6, 2025 at 8:45 PM
No matter how many times I see their products, I’ll never believe “Johns Manville” wasn’t originally intended to be a fabulous gay bar.
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*launches a pie rescue for all unwanted pie
November 27, 2025 at 3:27 AM
*launches a pie rescue for all unwanted pie
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There have been studies done about how many times I've told people there have been studies done about shit that I don't know what I'm talking about.
November 30, 2025 at 5:55 AM
There have been studies done about how many times I've told people there have been studies done about shit that I don't know what I'm talking about.
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know that when you use your speakerphone at the table next to me I will have already asked siri how to dispose of a body
December 5, 2025 at 10:57 PM
know that when you use your speakerphone at the table next to me I will have already asked siri how to dispose of a body
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if you're posting this morning because you think you make more sense than last night I suggest you go back to sleep
December 6, 2025 at 4:59 PM
if you're posting this morning because you think you make more sense than last night I suggest you go back to sleep
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eating a cheddar so sharp i could shank a blue cheese hater
December 6, 2025 at 8:28 PM
eating a cheddar so sharp i could shank a blue cheese hater