Twin Dad’s Jingle Balls
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
I love Peeps, Miracle Whip, Pepsi, pineapple on pizza, and bleu cheese. I'm basically perfect.
Pfp by onehourlate
My dumb jokes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:svme5pcm35w2kjzvtqjfe6pz/feed/aaae4clm6s64m
Pfp by onehourlate
My dumb jokes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:svme5pcm35w2kjzvtqjfe6pz/feed/aaae4clm6s64m
Pinned
Joggers? Oh no, dear. These are sitters.
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Is this the female equivalent of “sack up” that boys/men are told?
December 7, 2025 at 4:16 PM
Is this the female equivalent of “sack up” that boys/men are told?
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Get in loser, we're losers. This is the loser bus
December 6, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Get in loser, we're losers. This is the loser bus
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they should change the spelling of the word “read” to “red” and change the spelling of the other word “read” to “reed” and then change the spelling of the word “reed” to “read” and also change the s
December 7, 2025 at 3:22 PM
they should change the spelling of the word “read” to “red” and change the spelling of the other word “read” to “reed” and then change the spelling of the word “reed” to “read” and also change the s
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i’m going to start a daily newsletter and each day it will just say “well this sucks”
December 7, 2025 at 1:50 PM
i’m going to start a daily newsletter and each day it will just say “well this sucks”
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Don't watch me break down a cardboard box unless you want to fall in love with me
December 7, 2025 at 3:25 PM
Don't watch me break down a cardboard box unless you want to fall in love with me
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Virginia is for lovers and losers
December 7, 2025 at 4:58 AM
Virginia is for lovers and losers
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If I come across something that "knocks my socks off", I'm going to be so mad.
December 4, 2025 at 4:29 AM
If I come across something that "knocks my socks off", I'm going to be so mad.
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I think from now on, whatwveebi typo I make ia just gonna be posted and you all can figure d e ir out.
December 5, 2025 at 6:24 AM
I think from now on, whatwveebi typo I make ia just gonna be posted and you all can figure d e ir out.
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My nine year old hates my taste in music. Everyone does, but he does as well
December 7, 2025 at 12:32 AM
My nine year old hates my taste in music. Everyone does, but he does as well
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[shopping for Christmas decorations] you have any of that long glitter
December 7, 2025 at 3:36 AM
[shopping for Christmas decorations] you have any of that long glitter
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bluesky profiles should tell you whether or not someone is going to ask to see your feet immediately after you follow them
December 6, 2025 at 3:32 PM
bluesky profiles should tell you whether or not someone is going to ask to see your feet immediately after you follow them
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riding off into the sunset but it’s just reverse cowgirl on a westward facing balcony
December 4, 2025 at 2:28 PM
riding off into the sunset but it’s just reverse cowgirl on a westward facing balcony
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You can explain something to a man that he's never heard of before and two days later he will try to teach it to you like you've never heard of it before
December 5, 2025 at 7:07 PM
You can explain something to a man that he's never heard of before and two days later he will try to teach it to you like you've never heard of it before
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Sorry to cause a commotion. I meant to cause a motherfuckin riot
December 7, 2025 at 12:17 AM
Sorry to cause a commotion. I meant to cause a motherfuckin riot
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It’s so cold out I actually drove my car to work using my nipples to steer.
December 5, 2025 at 2:41 PM
It’s so cold out I actually drove my car to work using my nipples to steer.
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Sometimes I’ll listen to opera while watching The Three Stooges on mute for the full effect
December 6, 2025 at 10:55 PM
Sometimes I’ll listen to opera while watching The Three Stooges on mute for the full effect
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Put your noodles in my broth.
December 6, 2025 at 5:26 PM
Put your noodles in my broth.
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Finally received the results of my marine biology exam. I got a sea. *catapults phone into the sun
December 5, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Finally received the results of my marine biology exam. I got a sea. *catapults phone into the sun
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clean the blades on your ceiling fan, slob
December 7, 2025 at 3:55 AM
clean the blades on your ceiling fan, slob
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My good knee sounds like a bear chewing on gristle.
My bad knee feels like gristle being chewed by a bear.
And I am tired.
😴
My bad knee feels like gristle being chewed by a bear.
And I am tired.
😴
December 7, 2025 at 2:51 AM
My good knee sounds like a bear chewing on gristle.
My bad knee feels like gristle being chewed by a bear.
And I am tired.
😴
My bad knee feels like gristle being chewed by a bear.
And I am tired.
😴
Reposted by Twin Dad’s Jingle Balls
[eating banana bread] “wow, this is delicious, what other rotten fruit can we bake.”
December 5, 2025 at 3:07 AM
[eating banana bread] “wow, this is delicious, what other rotten fruit can we bake.”
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the word "mon·o·syl·lab·ic" has betrayed us
December 6, 2025 at 10:11 PM
the word "mon·o·syl·lab·ic" has betrayed us
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How the Grinch got those Restraining Orders
December 7, 2025 at 12:09 AM
How the Grinch got those Restraining Orders
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No matter how many times I see their products, I’ll never believe “Johns Manville” wasn’t originally intended to be a fabulous gay bar.
December 6, 2025 at 8:45 PM
No matter how many times I see their products, I’ll never believe “Johns Manville” wasn’t originally intended to be a fabulous gay bar.