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Twin Dad But SpoOooOky

@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social

7.8K followers 1.1K following 7.6K posts

I love Peeps, Miracle Whip, Pepsi, pineapple on pizza, and bleu cheese. I'm basically perfect. Pfp by onehourlate My dumb jokes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:svme5pcm35w2kjzvtqjfe6pz/feed/aaae4clm6s64m

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Twin Dad But SpoOooOky @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social · Mar 9

Joggers? Oh no, dear. These are sitters.

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Twin Dad But SpoOooOky @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social · 1h

WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME THE EXCEL WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS WERE ON TONIGHT???

Y’all disappoint me.

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ficklenuts has a pair of normal entiddies 👻 @ficklenuts.bsky.social · 5h

All my years of ninja training finally paid off when I was able to open a pull top can without alerting my cats

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Twin Dad But SpoOooOky @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social · 1h

I’m impressed and concerned

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Knew Nic @knewagirlnic.bsky.social · 4h

Spending time on the ‘Discover’ feed just to feel something

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Miss Havishambles @misshavishambles.bsky.social · 10h

Someone wrote that they wouldn’t watch The Holdovers because they didn’t like Christmas movies.

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The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 3h

my brain meat has gone off anyone wanna trade?

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I'mWinters✂️SerialMom @imwintersmom.bsky.social · 17h

cant you people take a fucking joke - famously never said after an actual joke.

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Stace Fiction @girlawhirl.bsky.social · 6d

I haven’t been the same since I found out that owning your own home was the adult equivalent to being grounded.

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Queen RanDumb @invisihole.bsky.social · 5d

I'm refusing to use Mastodon solely due to its dumb fucking name.

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Twin Dad But SpoOooOky @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social · 1h

T minus 2 hours 57 minutes until MON-YAY!

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WitchyBlob @blobstar.bsky.social · 2h

I'm hell, we roast s'mores and weenies whenever we want

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WitchyBlob @blobstar.bsky.social · 2h

Does every lunch meat have a first name?

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Twin Dad But SpoOooOky @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social · 2h

💁‍♂️

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Pot Shop Boo @potshopboy.bsky.social · 10h

The fact that I have to capitalize Alfredo and Parmesan but not cheddar or mozzarella is why I have trust issues.

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Reverie 💀🕯️ @augustreverie.bsky.social · 10h

If I make banana bread (no nuts, ya flippin’ weirdies), then maybe I can bake all troubles away

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Pandy Fackler 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 11h

Don't show me a vid and tell me to "wait for it". I don't have time for nonsense, just get to the good part

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Twin Dad But SpoOooOky @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social · 9h

*using a Sharpie to write “Juicy” on the ass of my cargo shorts*

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Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 16h

Autocorrect automatically adds imaginary when I type "friend."

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Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 15h

Thank you for pointing out the logical fallacy in my fart joke

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🎃punkin spice spooky geist💀 @pretty-vulgar.bsky.social · 12h

Apple®️ SkinTag™️

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Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 1d

technically awake but really just sleepwalking through this day because fuck it

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 15h

Yes I dangled a modifier, but I did it for you.

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Not JPo @notjpo.bsky.social · 15h

I’m like if Spirit Halloween stores were a person

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grilled cheese 🧀 @grilldcheese.bsky.social · 11h

engineers have now mastered shampoo and ketchup bottle designs to begin making fart noises when they're only half empty. fuckin capitalism man.

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James Alvarez @obscuregent.bsky.social · Sep 13

I like to bring a guitar with me to parties as a threat to anyone who tries to talk to me.

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