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Surprised Face Guy

@surprisedface.bsky.social

8.2K followers 530 following 16K posts

You could be one of my first 10,000 followers. Time is not running out. Ranked one of the Top 10 Surprised Face Guys on Bluesky, 2023. Sorry in advance: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaly5qgvbn52

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · Jul 16

Him: “What fresh hell awaits us today.”

Her: “… okay look, no offense, but after this appointment I’m going to find a new gynecologist.”

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 8h

WHAT THE FUCK CEEJ

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · Apr 11

Me: [pointing to lettuce] “ICEBERG RIGHT AHEAD!”

My wife [groaning audibly]: “okay first of all, again, that’s a cabbage.”

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · Mar 5

Me: “Double or nothing.”

The Judge at My Sentencing: “Okay, first of all, that’s not how this works.”

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · Nov 4

Lady (sexily): "tonight, why don't we use your toys again"

Batman: "I would like that. In the first batdrawer is the batdildo and the batwhip"

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · Oct 21

I am pro-procrastinating. Don't stress about it early. Live your life and get it done as fast as you can last minute.

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 8h

the Discover Tab circa 2023 would have made the Folsom Street Fair be like "you know, guys, this is a bit much."

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 8h

"Sure, bread is great. But have you considered burning it?" ~James Toast, 4069 BCE

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 9h

hopefully that dude won some type of nobel prize

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d.ly @dly.bsky.social · 10h

soup is crazy one day someone said dinner will be wet

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 9h

I've said this many times but people that joined Bluesky in 2024 do not know what it was like to be on Bluesky mid-2023, and describing it accurately sounds like an exaggerated shitpost.

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Chaminda Jayanetti @cjayanetti.bsky.social · 22h

"Post you from a different era" is middle-aged Bluesky code for "lemme see you when you were hot"

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 9h

Oh wow they're alive.

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 9h

Be right back, gotta go milk the lizard.

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 16h

In another timeline he’s being picked to lead the FBI

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KAFUI 🇬🇭 @mykafuiohkafui.bsky.social · 5d

John Fetterman represents an incredibly important and underserved demographic. Future family annihilators have long been ignored by those in power. That ends now.

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JVG 骨 @jasonv.bsky.social · 19h

LGBTQIA+ is rebranding as LGBTQIA MAX

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 19h

Love to die someday in a world that hates me after doing nothing with my life except sins even god couldn’t comprehend.

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · Jan 9

If the sin you commit isn't specifically defined in the bible, it should not be a sin. Like Qualified Immunity.

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Marjorie James Keenan @unenthusiast.com · 19h

Knick Knack Patty Wack is short for Knicholas Knacholas Patricia Wacklemore

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 20h

Went to the gym yesterday just call me Jacked the Ripped

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1d

Humans: “bread is the best, isn’t?”

Sir Jimothy Bagel: “what if we could fuck it?”

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1d

She did it again today but it was a false alarm, she was just cold.

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · Jun 1

My wife is wearing socks. Is she mad at me?

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1d

Men would rather sport a butt plug shirt on live television than go to therapy.

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1d

Yeah you gotta be ~99% confident that you're going to both win the game and not be beaten by the guy you're trying to mock if you're going to go on national television in that shirt.

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slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 1d

gorillas are proof even vegans can be strong

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