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e.w. niedermeyer @niedermeyer.online · 19h

too big to fail speedrun

Unusual Whales @unusualwhales.bsky.social · 19h

BREAKING: OpenAI is requesting US government support to help guarantee financing for the massive investments in AI chips and data centers it needs for expansion, per Bloomberg.

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Blair Loudly @blairloudly.bsky.social · 19h

[my grandpa in his 40s] i am so proud of what ive accomplished in my life

[me in my 40s] oh wow funerals cost a lot i should take up ditch digging

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Mollz @dopestatistics.bsky.social · 18h

Quarter pounder with cheese mcdonalds meal.

$9.59

Olive garden soup salad and breadsticks (unlimited if you dine in)

Lunch: $9.99 Dinner: $12.49

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Branson Reese @bransonreese.bsky.social · 14h

Cool photo I took a few seconds after waking up when Joe Camel hit me with his car

An old Camel ad. Joe Camel is leaning against his car smoking. His henchman Mel Camel is offering me a cigarette. It's clear that they intended only to teach me a lesson, not to hurt me. It's okay that they hit me with their car. Just look at that sunset. God, I feel more alive than I have in years.

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los 🦦 @los-los.bsky.social · 12d

Spirit Halloween Hiring Manager:

And where do you see yourself in five days

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 16h

My five year plan? Probably just to say, “I’m really not feeling it today,” 1,825 times.

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It's Abby. Yep. @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 2d

A tombstone engraved with "I could smell the onions and mustard"

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Sam @samuelhlowe.bsky.social · Jun 2

Never let the printer see that you’re in a hurry. Just act natural; it can smell fear.

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Sam @samuelhlowe.bsky.social · May 31

When I get a paper cut, I accept it as a small measure of justice for the tree.

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Groceries @crisiscake.bsky.social · 12h

entirely reformatting text and redacting the author's name immediately under the heading "gives users control" is outstanding work, they have gall if(/and?) nothing else

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Amy Ash @lolennui.bsky.social · 14h

I hope the people who dig up our civilization take our satirical texts at face value like, “well it seems outlandish but it’s a contemporaneous account so it must be true”

The Onion @theonion.com · 2d

White House Maid Shrieks After Spotting Melania On Ceiling

WASHINGTON—Expressing horror as an unidentified slimy substance dripped on her shoulder from above, White House maid Carla Ovares reportedly shrieked Tuesday after spotting first lady Melania Trump on...

theonion.com

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mindi @flawdbizkit.bsky.social · Apr 30

be the brick that drowns me

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CrazyMyra @outonthemoors.bsky.social · 17h

You don't realise how dull your life is until someone asks what your hobbies are.

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tinybaby @tiny.baby · 14h

Look your honor it's just not viable for us to continue as a business unless there is a clear likelihood of confusion between us and Open AI

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tinybaby @tiny.baby · 18h

Has anyone started a company called openai 2 yet using their theory of intellectual property

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Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 3d

Gonna go lie under a tree and hope the falling leave smother me

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one note parody account devolved into railing abou @walkingjalopy.bsky.social · 16h

remember, if you find a mysterious glowing liquid in the forest, drink it all

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john granule @bogbird.bsky.social · 19h

can the government give me billions of dollars too. i’m dumb and can make shit up better than a computer

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Micah @rincewind.run · 19h

this is actually impressive, making up a brand new nobel peace prize replacement is a genuine innovation in bribery

absolutely nobody does corruption like FIFA

Nicole Chung @nicolechung.bsky.social · 20h

the first what now

Trump ally Infantino to award first Fifa Peace Prize at World Cup draw in DC

Fifa unveils a new Peace Prize to be awarded at the 2026 World Cup draw in Washington, citing a mission to honor efforts to end conflict

www.theguardian.com

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Fun @funkelly.bsky.social · 22h

i can drink a capri sun in less than 5 seconds

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The Onion @theonion.com · 21h

Flying Squirrel Loves It Every Time

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Deeny(they/them) @geraldinepiche.bsky.social · 21h

Stop unfollowing me im hilarious

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jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 21h

MrBeast hates Zohran because if people have access to basic necessities, it will demolish the Giving People Those Necessities As Part Of A Saw-Inspired Game Show industry

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Pope of Chili Town @popeofchilitown.bsky.social · 19h

There are actually very few movies you “couldn’t make today because of woke.”

But there are a hell of a lot of movies that you couldn’t make today because of anti-woke.

Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 23h

It’s hard to believe but there was a cartoon about an immigrant mouse and it was seen as totally fine and not controversial and not woke because it was an aspirational and nice thing about America that people could come here and find a better life

An American Tail poster with lil ol mouse immigrant Fievel

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Pookleblinky @pookleblinky.bsky.social · 21h

Sun Tzu, a vein in his forehead bulging and his left eye twitching "my lord, your soldiers will still require food and water no matter how loyal they are"

404 Media @404media.co · 1d

At the very bottom of the US Army’s “Shutdown Guidance” for troops in Bavaria, there was a “Running list of German support organizations for your kit bags” including various local food banks. @evystadium.bsky.social has more.

Full story by @mjgault.bsky.social here:
www.404media.co/army-tells-s...

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