Amy Ash
@lolennui.bsky.social
I write jokes and tinker with cameras. Contributing features and headlines @ The Onion.
amyash.me
amyash.me
Pinned
Amy Ash
@lolennui.bsky.social
· Oct 13
Starting to contribute more stuff at The Onion but I’m looking for assistant work in comedy. Please let me know of any assistant work or writing submission opportunities in that area! I’d love to get to New York eventually. Email is on my website amyash.me, or DM here.
brutal attack on santa dog but you tell me violent crime isn’t out of control
December 6, 2025 at 12:21 AM
brutal attack on santa dog but you tell me violent crime isn’t out of control
I do not need another camera but look how chic she is in all black
December 5, 2025 at 6:24 PM
I do not need another camera but look how chic she is in all black
absolutely dying to know what he thinks soccer is, what happens in a match, briefly describe the ball
Trump: "When you look at football in the US, soccer -- we seem to never call it that, because we have a little bit of a conflict with another thing that's called football. But when you think about it, shouldn't it really be called football? We have to come up with another name for the NFL stuff."
December 5, 2025 at 6:03 PM
absolutely dying to know what he thinks soccer is, what happens in a match, briefly describe the ball
you wake from a nightmare only to realize you’re still in the nightmare and there’s a guy in the corner who talks backwards
December 5, 2025 at 7:07 AM
you wake from a nightmare only to realize you’re still in the nightmare and there’s a guy in the corner who talks backwards
men only want ONE thing and it’s to believe Michael Imperioli would like them
December 5, 2025 at 4:14 AM
men only want ONE thing and it’s to believe Michael Imperioli would like them
they should have a separate color of the year for people who haven’t lost the will to live
December 4, 2025 at 9:14 PM
they should have a separate color of the year for people who haven’t lost the will to live
Reposted by Amy Ash
sobbing and throwing up as Mr. Milchick makes me say this for the 500th time
The co-founder of Kalshi says: " The long-term vision is to financialize everything and create a tradable asset out of any difference in opinion."
December 3, 2025 at 9:52 PM
sobbing and throwing up as Mr. Milchick makes me say this for the 500th time
Reposted by Amy Ash
chat is it good that my Sec Def is talking about me like he’s already at The Hague
December 3, 2025 at 2:04 AM
chat is it good that my Sec Def is talking about me like he’s already at The Hague
I tolk a colgnive test ald I aced itt
December 2, 2025 at 11:46 PM
I tolk a colgnive test ald I aced itt
Reposted by Amy Ash
Our miserable world at an unbeatable price. Become a member at 25% off here: https://membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701cx00000QRRoLAAX
December 2, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Our miserable world at an unbeatable price. Become a member at 25% off here: https://membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701cx00000QRRoLAAX
Reposted by Amy Ash
I think it's bad that the president is constantly saying things that would get you immediately removed from any work happy hour or neighborhood barbecue
Pure, unmitigated hate.
December 2, 2025 at 11:16 PM
I think it's bad that the president is constantly saying things that would get you immediately removed from any work happy hour or neighborhood barbecue
Reposted by Amy Ash
Reposted by Amy Ash
sometimes a masterpiece is too good to wait. from the upcoming show Strip Law, I give you the song "Pizza Party"
(a song written for a scene where i was just like lets have some fun pizza party music and then composer Casey Trela went Mozart-level hard)
(a song written for a scene where i was just like lets have some fun pizza party music and then composer Casey Trela went Mozart-level hard)
December 2, 2025 at 7:32 PM
sometimes a masterpiece is too good to wait. from the upcoming show Strip Law, I give you the song "Pizza Party"
(a song written for a scene where i was just like lets have some fun pizza party music and then composer Casey Trela went Mozart-level hard)
(a song written for a scene where i was just like lets have some fun pizza party music and then composer Casey Trela went Mozart-level hard)
Reposted by Amy Ash
Within an hour of arriving in Munich I stumbled upon the bejewelled skeleton of Saint Munditia clutching a goblet filled with dried blood, martyred in 310 AD, beheaded with a hatchet. Standard...
December 2, 2025 at 6:54 PM
Within an hour of arriving in Munich I stumbled upon the bejewelled skeleton of Saint Munditia clutching a goblet filled with dried blood, martyred in 310 AD, beheaded with a hatchet. Standard...
Reposted by Amy Ash
A 6-year-old boy is missing after ICE arrested him and his dad in NYC last week and shipped them off to separate facilities. www.thecity.nyc/2025/12/02/i... @thecity.nyc @gwynnefitz.bsky.social
ICE Arrested and Separated Chinese Father From 6-Year-Old Son, Advocates Say
The father and son were detained at an ICE check-in on Nov. 26, advocates say. The son’s location is currently unknown, while the father is being held at an upstate ICE facility.
www.thecity.nyc
December 2, 2025 at 5:42 PM
A 6-year-old boy is missing after ICE arrested him and his dad in NYC last week and shipped them off to separate facilities. www.thecity.nyc/2025/12/02/i... @thecity.nyc @gwynnefitz.bsky.social
I have eaten the Erewhon papaya etc etc
A piece Olivia Nuzzi published yesterday (as part of a Substack Q+A) called "Signs Your Book Rollout Has Gone Awry":
December 2, 2025 at 8:15 PM
I have eaten the Erewhon papaya etc etc
they’re gonna wayyy overcorrect him with uppers and accidentally end the world
the Right Side Broadcasting feed on YouTube is really a godsend here. they have a split screen of Trump struggling to stay awake
December 2, 2025 at 7:31 PM
they’re gonna wayyy overcorrect him with uppers and accidentally end the world
me explaining pluribus to my mom
December 2, 2025 at 7:26 PM
me explaining pluribus to my mom
Reposted by Amy Ash
A lot of you know that I run this amazing nonprofit in rural New Hampshire - we operate a summer camp program for musicians of all ages, genders, races, and backgrounds; we give out over $300K/yr in scholarship; and we support a year-round professional string quartet that tours the world.
December 2, 2025 at 12:18 PM
A lot of you know that I run this amazing nonprofit in rural New Hampshire - we operate a summer camp program for musicians of all ages, genders, races, and backgrounds; we give out over $300K/yr in scholarship; and we support a year-round professional string quartet that tours the world.
please keep an eye out for four little legs, if any member of the public has four little legs please return them ASAP, no questions asked
December 1, 2025 at 7:25 PM
please keep an eye out for four little legs, if any member of the public has four little legs please return them ASAP, no questions asked
Absolutely nuts how everyone is firing on all cylinders in The Lowdown, if they don’t get renewed we riot
December 1, 2025 at 3:45 AM
Absolutely nuts how everyone is firing on all cylinders in The Lowdown, if they don’t get renewed we riot
You ever start exhaling what was supposed to be a tiny hit and it’s so opaque you’re like “oh noooo”
November 30, 2025 at 9:05 PM
You ever start exhaling what was supposed to be a tiny hit and it’s so opaque you’re like “oh noooo”
Ilford Delta 400 might be my favorite, here it is shot and developed @ 1600
November 30, 2025 at 5:58 AM
Ilford Delta 400 might be my favorite, here it is shot and developed @ 1600