jeremy kaplowitz
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jeremykaplowitz.com
jeremy kaplowitz
@jeremykaplowitz.com
nyc "comedian"

plz follow @quorators.bsky.social ty
there's something extremely american about making nazi 'The Office' memes
THREAD 🧵:

The Epstein files are real. The antisemitism they're fueling is also real.

And right now, the second part is getting almost no attention.
February 4, 2026 at 8:59 PM
Reposted by jeremy kaplowitz
i am so sick of seeing male nudity in movies
February 4, 2026 at 12:53 AM
i got it backwards 3 years ago
February 4, 2026 at 7:53 PM
if a band has at least 5 albums, but you can prove you've been a fan since the first one, you should get discounted tickets
February 4, 2026 at 3:04 AM
i am so sick of seeing male nudity in movies
February 4, 2026 at 12:53 AM
the government should release Noam Chomsky's emails too so that people can see me asking him to be on my Mario podcast in 2017
February 3, 2026 at 9:11 PM
commenting on co-workers' instagram wedding photos "fyi this is AI"
February 3, 2026 at 12:48 AM
Reposted by jeremy kaplowitz
boob guys vs ass guys vs leg guys vs feet guys

full episode: youtu.be/naE16BVROiI
February 2, 2026 at 10:54 PM
always a pleasure to record with @murderxbryan.bsky.social, who is surprisingly the first Quorators guest to send sexy Smurfette drawings in the zoom chat during the podcast
NEW QUORATORS w/ BRYAN QUINBY!

→ How can I seduce a man with dance?

→ What does the phrase 'getting strange' mean?

→ If giantesses were real, would you like date them? Would you date a 10', a 50', or even a 1,000' or a mile tall giantess?

AND MORE! GO LISTEN: youtu.be/naE16BVROiI
Seduction w/ Bryan Quinby // Quorators Full Episode
YouTube video by Quorators
youtu.be
February 2, 2026 at 5:08 PM
moving the space heater from the bedroom to the living room to begin terraforming before my arrival
February 2, 2026 at 4:24 PM
February 2, 2026 at 12:05 AM
Reposted by jeremy kaplowitz
here is my joke about Jeffrey Epstein from last year tyvm
July 16, 2025 at 3:57 PM
let he who has not emailed Jeffrey Epstein cast the first stone! (everyone starts pelting rocks at me)
I feel like someone’s gotta say something, so I guess it’s going to be me. I’m 100% certain that I either know, have met, or have sought meetings with people who have done horrible things in their lives, too. How about y’all? Association is not causation, and it's not guilt — of anything. (1/8)
January 31, 2026 at 10:41 PM
freak solo
January 31, 2026 at 8:54 PM
goes to show that if you make a movie bad enough, people stop calling you "the director of the Rush Hour movies"
The director of Melania movie
January 31, 2026 at 8:43 PM
millennial pedophile hitting jeffrey epstein's email with a "no worries if not!"
January 31, 2026 at 8:03 PM
Reposted by jeremy kaplowitz
This was what got me started on @quorators.bsky.social in the first place and I've been trawling the back catalog ever since, go listen
i cannot believe there is another batch of Quora questions in his email. you fuckin know we are going to read them on the podcast
January 31, 2026 at 5:50 PM
January 31, 2026 at 5:41 PM
January 30, 2026 at 11:19 PM
i love reading the news
January 30, 2026 at 9:01 PM
so like does the FBI just have a photo of everybody who has ever been through airport security T-posing nude or what
January 30, 2026 at 8:45 PM
i'm willing to admit i was wrong
you can just tell the only reason Elon Musk hasn't been to Epstein Island is because all the other billionaire pedophiles were like "ugh i don't wanna hang out with that loser"
January 30, 2026 at 8:16 PM
Reposted by jeremy kaplowitz
Six decades
January 30, 2026 at 6:41 PM
catherine o'hara was one of the best ever comedy actors. what a fucking bummer
January 30, 2026 at 6:37 PM
we have had the technology to make Paul Giamatti look like John Adams for nearly twenty years
January 29, 2026 at 8:47 PM