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Reposted by Charlie Alzamora

andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 36m

Snapping a plastic lunch box shut could fix me

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Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 1h

And in the end, the cake you bake greatly enhances your snack break.

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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 12h

I didn't win the Grumpiest Old Man competition but I did get an ornery mention.

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ficklenuts has a pair of normal entiddies 👻 @ficklenuts.bsky.social · 16h

My entire personality is a crudely woven tapestry of traumas and disorders

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ash @ashhull.bsky.social · 13h

Sitting in the dark playing hide and seek with my thoughts.

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Bogey @oneyebogey.bsky.social · 16h

I’m reading a book about drywall but I’m too plastered to focus.

grilled cheese 🧀 @grilldcheese.bsky.social · 1d

i'm reading a book about roofing but it's been going over my head.

ThinlyVeiledPanda @thinlyveiledpanda.bsky.social · 2d

I’m reading a book on anti gravity. It’s impossible to put down

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human @bshuman.bsky.social · 16h

My ophthalmologist says that I have a great sense of vitreous humor.

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Jerry Chen @jcsalterego.bsky.social · 15h

canned fish labels really will say "may contain other things that were nearby at the time"

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Eric Replatformed @21stcenturyeric.bsky.social · 13h

Two beers, two benadryl and 10 mg melatonin, perchance to dream.

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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 16h

The only member of Cap'n Crunch's family to graduate college was Cap'n Gown.

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Careful, Jenn Bites 🧛🏻‍♀️🩷🧛🏻‍♀️ @alldolledup44.bsky.social · 18h

Saw a cyber truck. Thought of you.

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Jack @wakeupangry.bsky.social · 1d

I wonder how old the world’s first nuclear suicide bomber is today.

Also, super excited about the omelette bar at this hotel breakfast event.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 19h

Aaah Spirit Halloween, the hermit crab of businesses

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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 23h

Marriage is just seeing who can ignore the thing on the floor the longest before one of you finally picks it up.

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Ashley @ashleysays.bsky.social · 19h

You’re allowed to ghost people in October. It’s festive

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Orpheus Condescending @maryscottoconnor.com · 21h

TERRIBLE JOKE OF THE WEEK™️

I served an entree at a dinner last week that was basically just okra and sausage. Meh. It wasn't bad and it wasn't good. It was just meaty okra.

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Eric Replatformed @21stcenturyeric.bsky.social · 20h

I popped the question* on my girlfriend and she said "Yes"!

* Who is your favorite prog-rock band?

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Charlie Alzamora @chalza.bsky.social · 21h

For relief of a headache, recite Hamlet's famous soliloquy in under 30 seconds. It's fast-acting.

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Μαρια Κιτρινη @greekheanen.bsky.social · 1d

Neither miserable, nor happy,
but a secret more complicated third thing

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Shoshana 🏳️‍⚧️ @shoshana.bsky.social · 22h

Whoever called it "Semester at Sea" missed a great opportunity to call it "Seamester"

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Craig Hunter @craghanta.bsky.social · 1d

72 hour protection for deodorant seems unnecessary outside of trench warfare.

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Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 2d

Breakfast of mini gluten-free pumpkin donuts is my love language.

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redherringbear @qutzupalotl.bsky.social · 1d

magician instant potato fingers
🤝
prestodigitater

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Kellaweena 🎃 @kellalena.bsky.social · 1d

I will not hesitate to wash my whole car with the gas station squeegee.

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Bogey @oneyebogey.bsky.social · 1d

Another duplicitous mother fucker, and some people wonder why I spend all my time alone.

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