Tonya Says Things
@tonyasaysthings.bsky.social
Avid eater, skilled cook, occasional baker. Cat lover and sumo fan. Sometimes I write stuff and perform things. Former professional aural courtesan. She/her.
Pinned
Finally back on a site that deserves the glory of Her Majesty, Empress Theodora, Destroyer of Things and Ruler of All She Surveys.
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
DOORDASH: imagine a $12 sandwich
ME: oh dang that sounds so good
DOORDASH: now imagine that it could be yours for just $37
ME: oh dang that sounds so good
DOORDASH: now imagine that it could be yours for just $37
November 26, 2025 at 5:03 PM
DOORDASH: imagine a $12 sandwich
ME: oh dang that sounds so good
DOORDASH: now imagine that it could be yours for just $37
ME: oh dang that sounds so good
DOORDASH: now imagine that it could be yours for just $37
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
we can’t go back. so start figuring out what you want the future to look like.
November 21, 2025 at 12:53 PM
we can’t go back. so start figuring out what you want the future to look like.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but you're probably using too much rice in your paella. If you want to make more/bigger servings, you need a larger pan.
November 21, 2025 at 3:03 PM
I don't know who needs to hear this, but you're probably using too much rice in your paella. If you want to make more/bigger servings, you need a larger pan.
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
Hal hadn’t survived three Thanksgivings by being stupid.
November 21, 2025 at 2:08 PM
Hal hadn’t survived three Thanksgivings by being stupid.
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
I say this a lot but I am a soft creature in a fanged package. I love gentle things. Soft things. I love joy and laughter and I am way too sensitive for all of this nonsense. Many people in darker times have felt similarly, but it's exhausting to have to put the sweetness aside to spit acid daily.
November 20, 2025 at 1:30 AM
I say this a lot but I am a soft creature in a fanged package. I love gentle things. Soft things. I love joy and laughter and I am way too sensitive for all of this nonsense. Many people in darker times have felt similarly, but it's exhausting to have to put the sweetness aside to spit acid daily.
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
WHOAAAA BLACK BETTY
November 27, 2024 at 1:36 PM
WHOAAAA BLACK BETTY
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
- everything here seems nice but something is actually very wrong
- discredited scientist's insane idea saves the world
- ensemble buddy movie where bad guy memorably gets his comeuppance
- couple that hate each other try not to fall in love
- space lasers
- discredited scientist's insane idea saves the world
- ensemble buddy movie where bad guy memorably gets his comeuppance
- couple that hate each other try not to fall in love
- space lasers
November 16, 2025 at 6:37 PM
- everything here seems nice but something is actually very wrong
- discredited scientist's insane idea saves the world
- ensemble buddy movie where bad guy memorably gets his comeuppance
- couple that hate each other try not to fall in love
- space lasers
- discredited scientist's insane idea saves the world
- ensemble buddy movie where bad guy memorably gets his comeuppance
- couple that hate each other try not to fall in love
- space lasers
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
What are your top 5 movie genres? Mine are:
- Roaring rampage of revenge
- Reluctantly, I must resume my life of violence
- On reflection, the risk assessment on our giant monster facility and/or attraction could have been more thorough
- Girl survives
- Crime but make it quirky
- Roaring rampage of revenge
- Reluctantly, I must resume my life of violence
- On reflection, the risk assessment on our giant monster facility and/or attraction could have been more thorough
- Girl survives
- Crime but make it quirky
November 16, 2025 at 5:13 PM
What are your top 5 movie genres? Mine are:
- Roaring rampage of revenge
- Reluctantly, I must resume my life of violence
- On reflection, the risk assessment on our giant monster facility and/or attraction could have been more thorough
- Girl survives
- Crime but make it quirky
- Roaring rampage of revenge
- Reluctantly, I must resume my life of violence
- On reflection, the risk assessment on our giant monster facility and/or attraction could have been more thorough
- Girl survives
- Crime but make it quirky
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
What are your top 5 movie genres? mine are:
- men having a big fight and a cute little car chase because they’re in love probably
- when there’s a vial of something
- big poofy dresses
- the scary and also hot ones
- when someone doesn’t know they’re a ghost
- men having a big fight and a cute little car chase because they’re in love probably
- when there’s a vial of something
- big poofy dresses
- the scary and also hot ones
- when someone doesn’t know they’re a ghost
What are your top 5 movie genres? mine are:
-She is street smart/zany & he is not handling it well while being a bit turned on.
-epic with much scenery. Maybe some horses? And sunsets.
-She is smarter than everyone. Even him.
-The hope of a happy ending but not sure.
-Gene Kelly's butt.
-She is street smart/zany & he is not handling it well while being a bit turned on.
-epic with much scenery. Maybe some horses? And sunsets.
-She is smarter than everyone. Even him.
-The hope of a happy ending but not sure.
-Gene Kelly's butt.
What are your top 5 movie genres? Mine are:
- Roaring rampage of revenge
- Reluctantly, I must resume my life of violence
- On reflection, the risk assessment on our giant monster facility and/or attraction could have been more thorough
- Girl survives
- Crime but make it quirky
- Roaring rampage of revenge
- Reluctantly, I must resume my life of violence
- On reflection, the risk assessment on our giant monster facility and/or attraction could have been more thorough
- Girl survives
- Crime but make it quirky
November 16, 2025 at 9:43 PM
What are your top 5 movie genres? mine are:
- men having a big fight and a cute little car chase because they’re in love probably
- when there’s a vial of something
- big poofy dresses
- the scary and also hot ones
- when someone doesn’t know they’re a ghost
- men having a big fight and a cute little car chase because they’re in love probably
- when there’s a vial of something
- big poofy dresses
- the scary and also hot ones
- when someone doesn’t know they’re a ghost
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
so do you pronounce it “peppermint mocha in red holiday cup” or “crossing the picket line” you piece of shit
November 19, 2025 at 3:16 PM
so do you pronounce it “peppermint mocha in red holiday cup” or “crossing the picket line” you piece of shit
As he slid into the greedy maw eagerly awaiting him, Bubba couldn't help but whisper, "quiet, Piggy."
November 19, 2025 at 4:14 PM
As he slid into the greedy maw eagerly awaiting him, Bubba couldn't help but whisper, "quiet, Piggy."
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
Dark comedy about a billionaire who hears the phrase, "Kindness costs you nothing," and drives himself insane trying to find a way to monetize kindness
November 19, 2025 at 12:32 AM
Dark comedy about a billionaire who hears the phrase, "Kindness costs you nothing," and drives himself insane trying to find a way to monetize kindness
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
If sexuality was a choice, then explain heterosexual women
November 19, 2025 at 3:12 AM
If sexuality was a choice, then explain heterosexual women
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
[doing my little middle aged morning stretches] i bet i could still make the league
November 19, 2025 at 11:41 AM
[doing my little middle aged morning stretches] i bet i could still make the league
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
Yawns are weird. You're tired? Why don't you open your mouth really big about it? What's that? You're not tired, but you saw someone else open their mouth big? Well, guess what.
November 14, 2025 at 5:29 AM
Yawns are weird. You're tired? Why don't you open your mouth really big about it? What's that? You're not tired, but you saw someone else open their mouth big? Well, guess what.
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
squirrel: *points gun*
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith
November 19, 2025 at 1:41 PM
squirrel: *points gun*
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
everything everywhere all at once
— my boobs when i take off my bra
— my boobs when i take off my bra
November 18, 2025 at 1:48 PM
everything everywhere all at once
— my boobs when i take off my bra
— my boobs when i take off my bra
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
Now I understand why older people are calmer… after you’ve died enough times inside, you learn to breathe, let go, and simply be.
November 18, 2025 at 4:34 PM
Now I understand why older people are calmer… after you’ve died enough times inside, you learn to breathe, let go, and simply be.
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
No one should gloss over how appalling this is. A president who feels this comfortable demeaning women, and so many others, is nothing short of embarrassing and shameful.
"Quiet! Quiet, Piggy."
November 18, 2025 at 4:25 PM
No one should gloss over how appalling this is. A president who feels this comfortable demeaning women, and so many others, is nothing short of embarrassing and shameful.
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
If you get to a trillion dollars you should have to start the game over from the beginning at a higher difficulty like your parents not owning a bunch of emerald mines or whatever idk that’s just a random example
November 17, 2025 at 6:50 PM
If you get to a trillion dollars you should have to start the game over from the beginning at a higher difficulty like your parents not owning a bunch of emerald mines or whatever idk that’s just a random example
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
CEO: We need to cut costs.
Accountant: We paid you $50 million last year. You are being paid $1 million for this meeting.
CEO: Who's that in the hallway?
Accountant: That's Greg. He is the only thing keeping this company together. We pay him in nickels and Grubhub gift cards.
CEO: Fire Greg.
Accountant: We paid you $50 million last year. You are being paid $1 million for this meeting.
CEO: Who's that in the hallway?
Accountant: That's Greg. He is the only thing keeping this company together. We pay him in nickels and Grubhub gift cards.
CEO: Fire Greg.
November 17, 2025 at 10:04 PM
CEO: We need to cut costs.
Accountant: We paid you $50 million last year. You are being paid $1 million for this meeting.
CEO: Who's that in the hallway?
Accountant: That's Greg. He is the only thing keeping this company together. We pay him in nickels and Grubhub gift cards.
CEO: Fire Greg.
Accountant: We paid you $50 million last year. You are being paid $1 million for this meeting.
CEO: Who's that in the hallway?
Accountant: That's Greg. He is the only thing keeping this company together. We pay him in nickels and Grubhub gift cards.
CEO: Fire Greg.
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
a charcuterie board of various grievances
November 17, 2025 at 2:48 PM
a charcuterie board of various grievances
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
‘I know I said let me out but let me in’
November 17, 2025 at 11:29 AM
‘I know I said let me out but let me in’
Reposted by Tonya Says Things
sorry about that, this is my first time being alive
November 17, 2025 at 3:28 PM
sorry about that, this is my first time being alive