Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 4h

Also, shout out to The Pretzel Company for naming their company that makes pretzels The Pretzel Company. You've got to love the determination to come up with the least creative name possible.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 5h

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for the Mega Mystery Box from The Pretzel Company. When I say "Life is full of surprises, and that's what makes it worth living" I am specifically referring to surprise pretzels. I do not want life to contain any non-pretzel surprises.
collabs.shop/f0me5y

A cardboard box with pretzels in front of it.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 6h

I recently learned that Low Quality Facts is the 62nd largest account on Mastodon. I'd love to be number 61, but my archnemesis Jeff Jarvis is standing in my way. Jeff has been a thorn in my side since the day I was born. He has made it his life's mission to destroy me.

Jeff Jarvis

jeffjarvis@mastodon.social

63,428

followers

62

LOW
QVALITY
FACTS

LOW Quality Facts
lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social

61,468

followers

7 4 84

Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 7h

I love Pac-Man.

4 5 64

Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 8h

I've experienced this.

People most commonly
experience deja you while
tying their shoe after they
just tied their other
shoe.

13 7 100

Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 9h

Grok's Twitter account has once again been suspended after it began claiming that kicking puppies is morally wrong, which many users reported as "liberal bias."

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 10h

Did you know? A baseball bat is called that because they were originally made out of bat skin. Not only were they grotesque, but they were also a terrible material for hitting baseballs.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 11h

I am terribly sorry to interrupt your doomscrolling, but today's Low Quality Ad is for this Halloween Bat Crochet Kit. Look at them. They are just nocturnal flying puppies. They deserve all the pets. That is all. You can go back to looking at all the other depressing content now.
collabs.shop/ew7jmf

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 12h

Very impressive.

Oscar Isaac can place
his hand on a script
and memorize his
lines through osmosis.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 13h

We made a comic about sharing.

1 Dad, teaching kid: Sharing is caring.
2 Dad, to older kid: If you give any of your shitty little friends our Netflix password you will no longer be welcome in this home.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 14h

History is so interesting.

11 9 91

Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 15h

Safety first.

Giraffes at the Cincinnati
zoo wear rubber helmets so
they can survive being
struck by lightning.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 1d

I have learned that you have all wronged this pumpkin. I don't understand what he has done to deserve such abuse.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 1d

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Pumpkin Glow Lamp. Why does this pumpkin look so sad? Which one of you monsters upset him, and what did you do?
collabs.shop/e6dbxn

A sad looking pumpkin lamp, he has legs and feet. Someone is poking him.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 1d

Smart.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 1d

The duality of Bluesky.

6 11 120

Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 1d

Sign me up.

Some massage therapists
offer a happiest ending,
where they will kiss you on
the forehead and compliment
something that you are
insecure about.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 1d

He makes a good point.

"If God
wanted us to
be sober at
church then
he wouldn't
have invented
scotch. "

-George Clooney

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 1d

Also, can sloths eat cinnamon rolls? If so, I am starting a nonprofit to feed sloths cinnamon rolls.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 1d

Lowest quality origins.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 1d

Today's Low Quality Ad is for these Sloth Oven Mitts. Sloth might be one of the seven deadly sins, but at least it's not the worst one. I'm okay with the service being slow at Applebee's, but I certainly don't want the chef lusting over my dish.
collabs.shop/xi1rlj

Blue oven mitts and a pot holder with a sloth making cinnamon rolls on it. It says "Just a few more minutes..."

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 1d

I love llamas.

Llamas only spit
on people who
think Amy Schumer
is funny.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 1d

Me: I would like to do a stand-up comedy special please. I have dozens of hilarious jokes.

Netflix: Not interested.

Me: Okay what if I give a two hour pseudo-intellectual speech about the word "woke" and we just call it stand-up?

Netflix: Deal, here is 50 million dollars.

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 1d

I now have a place where you can buy me a coffee. But please keep in mind that I really like coffee. I like it a lot. And I drink it fast. If you guys give me $80,000 to buy coffee, I will do exactly that and I will drink it all in one day. My body will explode.
buymeacoffee.com/lowqualityfa...

Low Quality Facts

Low Quality Facts written in arguably lower quality handwriting.

buymeacoffee.com

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 1d

I do have a Patreon! I don't really do anything on there, but I certainly have one.
www.patreon.com/lowqualityfa...

Creating Low Quality Facts written in lower quality handwriting.

www.patreon.com